Suddenly ticklish

What science can tell us about sex.
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bigloop
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Suddenly ticklish

Postby bigloop » Thu Jan 08, 2015 7:43 am

I'm not sure if this is the place to ask this - move as needed.

My DW was "in the mood" last night. She was even very forward. "You owe me something. :)” was her opening line. Me-"I'm all about paying up!" We had discussed an OS session for her a few days before but "stuff" kept derailing it. So now the train was back on track. Everything was building up just fine. I'm no novice at it and know pretty much what toots her horn. But then all of the sudden she becomes extremely ticklish, to the point she's putting her hand over herself laughing "stop!, stop!" So I move away from the hot zone but the tickle follows me everywhere I go, all over her body. She announces that I should just (PIV).

Ok. So I move into a position she most likely is to O -WOT. When she O's, 90% of the time it is in that position. So I'm working it with all my ability, doing all the perifreal (sp?) stuff that turns her on. After a while she announces "this is doing nothing for me, if your not getting all you want from this position, then move to whatever you like, I'm feeling nothing."

I tried slowing down and pulling her close, hoping that would allow her to refocus or clear her mind. Nope. I offered another suggestion to which she said "whatever you want." So we changed positions, she transformed into doing things for my pleasure and that was how it ended.

It turned out to be a good session, just not great for HER . What bummed me out was knowing she was going into it full steam but something let all the steam out. She says it wasn't me, says she has no idea why and I believe her. But it worries me in that I want so bad for sex to be enjoyable for her because of wanting so bad for it to be something she desires more of. Last night, and probably 90% of the sex we have, the only enjoyment she got was knowing she made effort to please me. I'm not trying to discount the validity of that dynamic in a loving wife. I understand the importance and impact of that. But it is hard for me as a male to not think that the sheer lack of sexual, physical pleasure contributes to the lack of sexual desire. The whole suddenly ticklish thing boggles my mind. She went from "give it to me baby" to "don't touch me!" in a mater of a few minutes.

Anybody have any similar experiences? Anybody have any suggestions?
I have ask her, she truly has no clue. I think if she had any idea, she would tell me. Everything was good between us last night. In some sense it had a little bit of a "make up sex" vibe to it as I had acted a fool the night before, but apologized and recovered well with her. It really wasn't that much of a thing anyway. And the way she approached told me she wasn't thinking anything negative. Besides, I asked her this morning that very thing and she said no, has no idea, and changed the subject.

I think it does bother her a little, at least every now and then. I remember a couple months ago she came in hot and could not land it. She used me pretty hard that night and got extremely frustrated because she couldn't finish. I'm afraid she is resigned in herself that sex just isn't for her pleasure by design. I don't want her to think that way and have told her so.

Why must it be so complicated....

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby marriedandlovingit » Thu Jan 08, 2015 7:54 am

Tickling is usually a function of pressure. A light touch can tickle, a slightly more firm touch can cause pleasure, and a very firm touch can cause pain. Perhaps you could experiment with how much pressure you apply.

Also, can she O manually or with a vibrator? When she does, is she directly on the C, or off to the side? These are clues as to how to do oral, and how much pressure should be applied where.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: ... Hebrews 13:4 KJV

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby Hiswifeagain » Thu Jan 08, 2015 8:02 am

Ticklishness is a common response if you're not already aroused. She may have come on like gangbusters to please you. You have indicated that you display your feelings overtly. If she was trying to patch the rift from the night before she may exaggerated the desire for sex because she greatly desired to mend the rift. The arousal just may not have been there. Your post indicates you're disappointed in the encounter. This is not likely lost on her. She may be looking for your approval by seeming to desire sex more than she actually feels it.
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby bigloop » Thu Jan 08, 2015 2:59 pm

Perhaps - she knows I worry about her pleasure and she tells me "don't worry." Hard to do. Harder to know what to do. There's a lot of mental stuff for her that has to right. She can be right and one little noise in the background throw her off track.
Interesting to consider the low arousal=ticklish. I will keep track of that to see if it follows. I'm thinking you're probably right. More pre-game may be required.

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Suddenly ticklish

Postby bigloop » Sat Jan 10, 2015 6:18 am

This thought may need to be in a new thread but it is related to HWA's thoughts above but it also comes to mind due to a friends thread as well. It about DW 'seeking sex for her own pleasure.'

I can tell by several ways when my DW is slightly aroused or very aroused or "just there for me.“ Physical signs as well as actions. I can tell when she is "trying to get hers" or just wants to please me. Of course I like it best when she is involved for herself as well, it's always better for me then even if the sex is not the most wild or active because I, like most men, want more than anything to please her in bed. (That being said, I would also love for wild, enthusiastic, jungle sex to please her, but that usually doesn't happen.) anyway....

Last few days she has approached me for sex and it's been good. Last couple times it seemed that she was wanting to O but somewhere it was lost. We've already discussed one of those here with the ticklish thing. Yesterday morning she came in hotter than then, she showed signs that she was "on" and hot. I was all about doing whatever I needed to do to get her there. House was empty, no distractions, timing was good. Then it just left her midway. No explanation. I haven't ask for one because I don't want to seem disappointed in her. It was great for me and I want her to feel that. But I want it to be great for her as well.

Ladies - any suggestions how to further approach this? We've had numerous discussions about it and I don't want to wear her out with talk. I feel like I need actionable recommendations. Things I can do behind the scenes if you will that could help her. She doesn't necessarily have to know, just get results. Thanks.

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Jan 10, 2015 6:45 am

Are you talking about making sure she O's or coming in with great passion everytime? It is early for me (& I'm not a morning person) so that may be why I am not real sure what you are specifically asking about. I just know that what you've described I have experienced.
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Suddenly ticklish

Postby bigloop » Sat Jan 10, 2015 7:07 am

In my mind, it should not be up to her to bring the passion every time. Sometimes, perhaps even more often, that should also depend on me. So I guess mainly I'm interested in helping it be a more pleasurable experience for her and her O as often as possible.

I know, I've heard it over and over that women don't need to O to enjoy sex. I get that. But isn't it better when you do? I know it is frustrating for her when she feels it but then looses it. Frustrates me for her.

Maybe this is more about me not feeling like a failure when she comes in hot then can't get there. Perhaps even my anxiety about it is negatively effecting her, as HWA alluded to above. I have gotten to where I don't worry about it much in the times I know she is just there for me. I've gained a lot of peace for those situations and I think that has helped us overall. I also believe some things we have done lately has caused some positive changes in her and I and that has allowed her to feel some passion. I want to optimize those opportunities for her(our) benefit.

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby jagwizkid » Fri Jan 16, 2015 7:46 pm

I notice that I get very ticklish after O, to the point that I have to tell him he has to use a heavy touch even if we are just cuddling cause any light touch tickles to the point of pain. Not sure what causes that, may some sort of misfire? I wonder if she could have been aroused and had something like that happen?
I'm not weird! I'm gifted!

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby Maneo » Wed Mar 11, 2015 7:50 pm

ws her ticklish response a one-off thing or does she often get ticklish when you start intimacy? The way you describe how easily she gets distracted combined with the ticklish response may be indicative of difficulty she has giving herself over fully to experiencing intimacy. Is there anything(s) that are sure to get her passion going? She seems to focus on you as any loving wife might be expected to do, but needs to open up her own desires and give herself over to let you give her pleasure as well. It sounds a bit as if she approaches intimacy as a duty to her husband rather than a shared, mutually pleasing experience. My DW is quite ticklish but we use it as a form of foreplay and sooe her giggles turn to sounds far more sensual. Good luck.

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby Lovingwife725 » Tue Jan 24, 2017 8:14 pm

Okay, this is my first time on here, so hopefully I'm replying correctly!

In my personal experience, I am extremely ticklish when DH touches too lightly. Then it takes forever to not be ticklish. It frustrates him a little, because he doesn't get it yet, but he's learning LOL. I feel awful because of course I don't want to feel ticklish at that time, but I work through it. It does totally kill the mood TBH. It's not his fault. He isn't doing it intentionally. But I fight to get it back. Usually he has to work a little harder to get me back into the mood. I have to really relax. I don't give up, but I used to. I just try to clear my mind and let him work. I'm not sure if that's TMI or helpful. But that's my experience with it. Now I also see this was posted some time ago, but i hope it helps someone!

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby Leah » Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:08 pm

Hiswifeagain wrote:Ticklishness is a common response if you're not already aroused.


Indeed. The heart is willing, but the body still takes time to warm up.
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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby OldBear » Tue Jan 24, 2017 10:21 pm

The receptivity of touch - light to heavy - of sexual erogenous zones is a function of the nerve endings response mechanism governed by the hypothalamus. Sexual foreplay with the mind and body causes the hypothalamus to signal nerve endings to respond pleasurably to touch. Too much, too fast or too little, too slow throws the hypothalamic impulses off; touch can tickle or actually be unpleasant. That's why not enough forplay to prepare erogenous zones can transform a touch from pleasure to pain (uncomfortable tickling) just as touching after an orgasm during the immediate refractory period can be ticklishly painful.

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Re: Suddenly ticklish

Postby tentsofpurple » Wed Jan 25, 2017 7:29 am

Leah wrote:
Hiswifeagain wrote:Ticklishness is a common response if you're not already aroused.


Indeed. The heart is willing, but the body still takes time to warm up.


This is very true for me. In my head I can really want sex but if often takes me a long time to warm up and for touch not to be ticklish or unpleasant (much longer than I'd like anyway). The typical erogenous zones are the worst offenders for ticklishness but even other places like inner thighs or sides of my torso can be ticklish too. I think for me it also has a lot to do with hormones, certain times of my cycle dh can go right to OS on me with little or no "prep" and just about anything fells good or at least not unpleasant but most of the time doing that is uncomfortable bordering on painful (much to his disappointment).

One thing I've found that helps me when things are ticklish or I don't feel like my body is co-operating is that if I touch myself for a while it helps, I know exactly how much pressure, where, when etc. feels good and after a while of me doing it dh can take over and I'm not as sensitive. Also sometimes no matter how much I want it my body just doesn't co-operate and its nice to have it be a "just for dh" session, I still enjoy it (sometimes more than I would have if we would have continued to "try" for my orgasm so really its not just for him) it takes the pressure off of me and I can just relax and enjoy things. Also sometimes something different that helps (especially when I'm too much in my own head and analyzing everything) is for me to tell myself to "just go with xyz" (whatever we are currently doing) for 30 seconds or a minute and see what happens. Sometimes if I just deal with the discomfort for a minute then things get better and it starts to feel good (especially with oral sex). This works even better if dh tells me to "hold still" or holds my hands or is otherwise dominant because he knows that turns me on.


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