Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby ledgemoor » Fri Mar 24, 2017 10:50 am

As a man, I get that orgasms are a necessary part of male existence, but I also know that there are orgasms and there are ORGASMS. ORGASMS are at least 50% emotional. In other words, someone having orgasms may not be having good orgasms.

There are any number of reasons short of rape that whatever pleasure someone gets out of sex is not enough to offset whatever emotional discomfort they experience. Women who do not like their bodies, false guilt, men embarrassed by ED, etc. etc.

And there are people who are just plain not happy unless they are miserable.
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby SeekingChange » Fri Mar 24, 2017 11:00 am

I am not sure if this fits exactly with the OP, but not too long ago I experienced a phenomenon, where my body reacted as if aroused, but I can tell you I did not feel aroused and I definitely was disconnected mentally and probably emotionally. If my husband was judging by this signal alone, he would have (and did) believe I was highly enjoying things....but no orgasm was involved.
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby poetess » Fri Mar 24, 2017 11:58 am

Ledgemoor wrote:There are any number of reasons short of rape that whatever pleasure someone gets out of sex is not enough to offset whatever emotional discomfort they experience. Women who do not like their bodies, false guilt, men embarrassed by ED, etc. etc.

I'd add it might not be a very big or pleasurable orgasm, and thus simply not worth the work involved.
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby ledgemoor » Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:10 pm

Interesting. I have heard other women say how much work orgasm is. As a guy I can't really relate to that. It usually happens fast, sometimes too fast, or not at all.

When DW orgasms I feel like I am doing all of the work not that I'm complaining. But I suppose her work is mostly mental. I have been encouraging her to just relax and let her body do its thing. She will either orgasm or not. Either is fine with me.

Are there women any out there who do not find orgasm to be a lot of work?
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby MayDayGirl » Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:18 pm

I don't find it a lot of work if I'm turned on already. In some cases, it happens too fast, probably similar to a man.

Other times, it really is a lot of work, and I get to the point where I'm just too tired (or sore) to continue. However, that probably only happens 5% of the time for me. So, in general, not a lot of work to reach orgasm. I'm probably lucky/blessed in that regards.

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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby SeekingChange » Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:24 pm

ledgemoor wrote:Are there women any out there who do not find orgasm to be a lot of work?

There are different factors involved that make it easier for me at times. It's a lot easier and quicker to self stimulate, which is fairly easy work to have an O. There have been several times recently where I could have O'd very quickly (within in the first minute or two) but I hold off because I am typically a "one and done" gal. When trying to figure out why, I considered 1) the point I was at in my cycle, 2) more days between our encounters, plus, using an outside stimulant (bullet vibe) along with the internal stimulation (PIV) is almost always a guarantee, it's just typically not quite as fast as those recent experiences. If I take 15 minutes to work up to an O, I feel like I am taking forever and will just give up. I am speaking of start to finish...no foreplay is usually involved.
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby ledgemoor » Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:27 pm

If dear wife orgasms too quickly it is not as intense. The longer it takes the more intense it is up to a point. Knowing that helps her relax and take her time.

I just discovered speech to text on my cell phone. It works surprisingly well. It even understands Southernese:-)
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby Paul B » Mon Mar 27, 2017 7:34 pm

SeekingChange wrote:I am not sure if this fits exactly with the OP, but not too long ago I experienced a phenomenon, where my body reacted as if aroused, but I can tell you I did not feel aroused and I definitely was disconnected mentally and probably emotionally.

A number of studies have found that for men physical arousal and mental arousal are very close most of the time. For women, this is not the case. A woman's body can be highly aroused while she feels no subjective arousal at all.
The theory is men learn to know how aroused they are because erections make them aware of arousal (for women erections are not off or on, they can be partial). Women don't have that feedback loop, so the mind and the body can be in two different places.
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby Paul B » Mon Mar 27, 2017 7:48 pm

ledgemoor wrote:If dear wife orgasms too quickly it is not as intense. The longer it takes the more intense it is up to a point. Knowing that helps her relax and take her time.

And just to rabbit trail that, there are women who have the female equivalent of premature ejaculation. One small study (about 500 women) asked women if they ever orgasm too soon. 40% every once in a while, 14% said frequently, and 3% said all the time. It was a mailed survey with a 60% response rate, so it's not a great study. But it does prove the point.
How fast these women reached climax was not asked, but I've seen women say they do well to last a minute, and many say they don't ever make three.
As ledemoor said faster is often weaker. Additiaonly most couples want to enjoy it longer than a minute or two. Other problems are being overstimulated and needing to stop or just losing all interest.
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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby Unfulfilled » Tue Mar 28, 2017 6:24 am

Interesting, for my wife the faster she orgasms, the more intense, the longer it takes the less intense.

I do not know if it is a matter of her mental state or not. What I mean by that is, maybe because she is not as "into" sex, it takes longer. And it is only a physical manifestation of her level of interest in sex.

Of further interest, a research article related to womans arousal had this quote:

"More recently, researchers have proposed that sexual desire and subjective arousal may be virtually indistinguishable for women."

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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Mar 28, 2017 6:32 am

Unfulfilled wrote:I do not know if it is a matter of her mental state or not. What I mean by that is, maybe because she is not as "into" sex, it takes longer. And it is only a physical manifestation of her level of interest in sex.

I believe you could be right. I could see waiting/prolonging being more, as long as the arousal part continues to grow and intensify. But, if the mind is wandering, or physical things aren't working, the arousal isn't happening so it doesn't make a positive impact on the orgasm, if anything, it has a negative effect.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Re: Orgasm/arousal may not mean enjoyment

Postby Paul B » Tue Mar 28, 2017 11:59 am

Unfulfilled wrote:Of further interest, a research article related to womans arousal had this quote:

"More recently, researchers have proposed that sexual desire and subjective arousal may be virtually indistinguishable for women."

That sounds fairly accurate to me. Not perfect, but close.
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