We married when Hubby was 23 and I was 19, the day before my 20th birthday. We hadn't really discussed when we would start a family or how many children we would like. We both come from families of four, but at the time I still had 14 months of a Fitting and Machining apprenticeship remaining. We were relying on the pill, with condoms for back up. At that time I was uninformed and didn't think about what effects birth control may or may not have if an egg was fertilised.
The apprentices who had been employed by a large paper making plant had just had their contracts transferred to a new apprenticeship training group. Things took an unpredictable turn when I was injured at work and the new training group were unapologetic about being against females working in traditionally male trades. They disputed my injury claims, took me to arbitration, offered me employment in their other area of expertise - office admin, lol.
It ended up that they paid my medical bills up to a certain date and we parted ways, with just over 12 months to finish, meaning I failed to qualify.
I got a job in a large supermarket and was enjoying the casual hours and not travelling 1 hour each way for work. About 3 months after this, while thinking I was protected because of the pill, but having had a virus, We managed to concieve, hence our first son was born 9 months later. We had been married for 16 months by that time. Life was going along well, no major hiccups and we had a perfect first baby - sleeping 10-12 hours through the night from about 6-8 weeks, happy, well adjusted little bub. We discovered we were pregnant and DS2 was born when DS1 was just shy of 19 months old.
I was a young mum who had one great toddler, couldn't have been easier. So I was sure the next would be a breeze...... But NO, he had other plans. Although he often slept 9-10 hours through the night from the time he was about 8 weeks old (we must have found something that worked for both of them), he screamed most of his waking hours. He had colic, reflux, projectile vomiting and projectile diarrhea, asthma - you name it, he was diagnosed with it.... When bub was about 3 weeks old I decided to toilet train our eldest..... not a good time. He wasn't ready, I got sick with tonsillitis and mastitis and bub ended up in hospital - all at the same time I thought I should be toilet training... .
When bub was about 5 months old I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression and went on antidepressants, the first ones didn't work and I had to end up putting bub on the bottle so I could go on different antidepressants. I was hospitalised for 2x2 week periods during the change of medication time - it was around Christmas and New Years.
After in depth conversations with our GP we decided we wouldn't try to conceive again until such a time that I was clear from medication and sure that I was OK. I was on medication foor about 4 years. During this time I had the Depo injections for several years before using the Mirena IUD. During this time I became aware of the possibility of some methods of BC actually causes the body to reject the fertalised egg. The 5 year life span of the Mirena had come and gone and I decided I wasn't happy with putting more chemicals into my body at the risk that we may actually be aborting a new life unknowingly.
About 4 years ago Hubby and I talked, and hubby knew his options were to have a vasectomy or use condoms forever.....well at least until I was no longer fertile and I was only 34 at the time. I did, however, because e decided to have the vasectomy I did agree to go on a mini pill in the interim and we only used condoms when needed.
Hubby booked in for the vasectomy, which was supposed to be completed under a local anesthetic, but was stopped after one side was done because hubby felt everything that was happening. They tried to top up the numbing, but never worked. 9 months later he was back at the hospital, this time under a general anesthetic to complete the task.
Although we would have loved more children, by the time I was medication free I was also child free of a daytime and we had got into activities that really made it hard to go back and have more children. We have however extended our family through becoming fostercarers. We have two darling little children, DFD5 and DFS7 who were with us for 18 months, but even though they have gone home to their Dad, we still maintain regular contact kind of more like an aunty and uncle role, but a little more special.
Only look back far enough to see how far you've come, to encourage yourself to look forward with hope for better things to come.