YOUR family size

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Ballad
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby Ballad » Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:10 pm

sexwithinmarriage wrote:God told us to be fruitful and multiply. My wife + Me = 2 therefore multiplying must be at least 3 (2 would be replacement, 1 would be division/subtraction).

:? :?:

2 x 1 = 2
2 x 0.5 = 1
3 = 2 x 1.5 ( <--- not two integers)

But I think we all understand that he was talking about a trend rather than arithmetic.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby SnowFallsSoftly » Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:29 pm

Especially if you count that spouses are "one flesh"; if I remember from math class, 1x1 can only ever be one! :D

just funning of course, I understood the message :wink:

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Re: YOUR family size

Postby BHF » Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:58 pm

We decided three was a number we could work with. But would welcome another.

I am turning 31 soon. Age was a factor in the number of kids and we decided on a gap of approx 2 years

I have a Masters degree. Education was complete, but wouldn't have been a criteria. I was supposed to go back to work after daughter.

But, I developed post natal depression. I have never talked about it on here, in fact I'm tearing up right now. God stepped in. He provided that my husband does not work shifts anymore, my husband got a pay raise which is almost exactly the difference in what I would have made to cover expenses.
In December my psychiatrist wanted to book me into a facility. I refused. Baby was four months old then. I have also refused all medication because breast feeding was my only bond with her. She didn't want to put me on eglynol (sp?) because she said id be too uncomfortable.

This is something we could never have predicted. My husband now wants to wait three years before next baby. And I understand, its been so hard on him.

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Re: YOUR family size

Postby robin » Fri Feb 01, 2013 3:28 am

All these people who planned their families and had it work out exactly the way they thought it would makes me shake my head in amazement.

As a 17 year old bride and 18 year old groom, one of us still finishing high school and the other just starting college kids was something we weren't planning on even talking about for 10 years. Finding out 5 months into our marriage that we were expecting a baby in spite of taking the pill was a bit of a shocker. We were happy about it because it was our baby but planning had no part of things. Two weeks before our first anniversary our daughter was born to a 19 year old daddy and 18 year old momma.

A year-ish after our daughter was born we decided since we had one we might as well have another rather than have a huge age difference in our children like our own families (my parents had 3 kids 6 years apart, DH is 9 years older than his brother). Turns out when we actually WANTED to get pregnant we couldn't manage it to save our lives. We had wanted to take the next month of March off from trying because we didn't want another December baby (December was always packed as it was) and even used condoms to avoid getting pregnant that month though there were a few "heat of the moment" slip ups. Next month we found out that another December baby was on the way and that the due date was 3 years +1 week to the date of our first child.

A car accident complicated our second pregnancy and made things a bit harrowing, but that December we were relieved to welcome a healthy son. Then came a wicked case of postpartum depression. DH said he felt "done for now" at a boy and a girl but that if I wanted more he wouldn't mind though we both agreed that the prospect of a third should be 3-5 years into the future if even and we doubled up on the birth control, avoided fertile times of the month and enjoyed the two kids we had. We roughly tossed around the idea of having another set of two when we were in our 30's.

Another March came and went with us being very, very careful and our fertility in March became a family joke which the year our son turned 1 and our dd 4 it turned out not to be so funny. We were stupefied to have no period arrive the next April. I even went to a different ob/gyn to see what was going on rather than the ob/gyn who had delivered our son because I was sure I wasn't pregnant as my cycles had been wonky since the high risk pregnancy. Given our precautions and the other issues the doctor was sure it was something else too but did a blood test to be safe (hpt's were never reliable for me) and called later that day to explain that yet another December baby was on the way. We were shocked, but by the next day we were actually looking forward to it and started doing some long term planning for the time I would need to take off work. I returned to my preferred ob/gyn. One week everything was fine, healthy heartbeat and active, healthy baby on the ultrasound and the next week on June 22 at 17 3/4 weeks I miscarried. I was devastated, DH was shocked, our kids were sad and we were done. In light of being told it was highly unlikely that I would ever carry another baby to term I asked to have my tubes tied at the same time as the d&c scheduled the next day without even speaking to my dh about it. I would have backed out if he hadn't agreed but he was in full support. Turns out the tubal ligation was a waste of money and effort because within months of the miscarriage I needed a hysterectomy at the ripe old age of 23.

So things didn't turn out exactly as we planned in terms of "family planning" but we eventually came to realize that God had indeed chosen our family size and we were grateful for the two kids we had and did our best to raise them well. They were both 18 well before we hit the age of 40 and now we are looking forward to an earlier empty nest compared to many others. For us it seemed that God brought babies when he darn well felt like it and it only took us 3 pregnancies to figure that out.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby InGodsGrace » Fri Feb 01, 2013 6:10 am

Ballad wrote:
sexwithinmarriage wrote:God told us to be fruitful and multiply. My wife + Me = 2 therefore multiplying must be at least 3 (2 would be replacement, 1 would be division/subtraction).

:? :?:

2 x 1 = 2
2 x 0.5 = 1
3 = 2 x 1.5 ( <--- not two integers)

But I think we all understand that he was talking about a trend rather than arithmetic.


Glad I wasn't the only one who was thinking what kind of math are you doing??

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Re: YOUR family size

Postby beautyfromashes » Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:16 am

We got married at 20 and 21. I was on the pill the first few months. My OB had promised me that it only prevented conception and didn't in any way interfere with implantation. When I found out that wasn't the case, we switched to barrier methods. Our plan was to wait 2-3 years to start having babies. I made it 6 months before the baby bug got me. ;)

We spent nearly a year trying. I only had 4 or 5 periods that year, so my doctor started me on progesterone. After 3 months of that, I conceived. I lost that baby at 7 weeks. We waited a few months to try again, and then got pregnant the first month we tried. Our first baby was born 2.5 years after we got married. We were 23 and 24.

After that baby we figured we didn't have to worry about BC for a while. I was breastfeeding and I knew that made less likely I'd get pregnant. I figured since it took a while the first time, we were fine. I got pregnant with Baby #2 when my oldest was 8 months old. I had only had one (very light) period.

Baby #3 came along because even though we were using charting and condoms, we got caught up in the heat of the moment once. I *thought* I wasn't fertile, but obviously I was. Baby #2 was also 8 months old at that point. So I had 3 babies within 34 months.

Baby #4 was actually "planned". We knew we wanted at least one more. I figured since we already had 3 so close together, I may as well throw in one more. Plus, our oldest was a boy, then we had 2 girls. DS really wanted a brother, and we didn't want to wait too long so they would be spaced too far apart. I got pregnant on the second cycle we tried. Baby #3 was barely a year old.

Now DH and I both really feel like our family is complete. I was telling him about this discussion last night, and we talked about how we both just feel like we're done. God may surprise and that would be fine. Right now we're being very careful because I really think my body needs a break at least. I've been pregnant or nursing since Spring of 2005. I'm tired and my hormones are going crazy.

So that's our whole (long) story. :)
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby tentsofpurple » Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:22 am

Before we got married ( I was 19 and dh was 22) we both agreed to 4 but dh knew I would be open to (and love) more than that. We started off using hormonal bc in different forms for the first 3 years of our marriage (we had also agreed pre-marriage that I would stay home with the kids and we wanted to be in a better financial position for that). However hormonal birth control made me sick (literally throwing up sick) along with headaches, moody and it totally killed my sex drive. I wish someone (my dr. I guess) had taken the time to educated me about the side effects. I also stumbled on some research (I think on this website) about how certain forms of bc don't just prevent ovulation but also implantation which was something I was not comfortable with.

So once we figured out it was the birth control making me sick I went off it and we got pregnant with our first shortly after that. Our first was such a wonderful easy child and we both loved being parents so much we never prevented after her birth. Nursing kept me from getting pregnant until she was about 15 months old and nine months later we had our son. He had reflux and was a very fussy baby and shortly before he was born our daughter was diagnosed with a very rare form of Down syndrome (mosaic, where only a portion of her cells had the extra 21st chromosome and the rest were typical, so essentially, partial Down syndrome). We were a bit overwhelmed and were loosely preventing by pulling out/doing other stuff during fertile times, but I was using cycle beads to guesstimate when I was fertile (not very effective for me since I have longer cycles) and even when I was fertile we were not always pulling out, sometimes we did sometimes we didn't. We both knew it was a possibility I would get pregnant and were ok with that. Sure enough we did get pregnant when our son was 11 months old (still breast-feeding). This baby was also very laid back and easy going but it was still hard with three kids ages 3,1, and newborn, one with special needs, all in diapers etc.

So after my first post partum period came back at 8 months (usually when fertility returns for me regardless of nursing) we did some research and purchased a LadyComp. Its a little computer where you take your temperature and it monitors your fertility (kind of like Taking Charge of Your Fertility for those who don't want to chart on their own) it gives us a red light for "you could get pregnant" and we pull out on those day and green light for "you won't get pregnant" and we don't do/use anything on those days. It has a pearl index (effectiveness rating) of 3% failure rate (if I'm remembering correctly). We have been using it for a year now and its worked for us. We know its still a slim possibility that we could get pregnant as pulling out is not 100% effective but are ok with that. Neither of us wants me back on hormonal birth control and we both hate condoms.

Dh feels like he would be ok if we did not have another child but knows how much I want more so he has agreed to one more but he wants to wait until the kids are older, out of diapers, and more self sufficient. Probably in another two years. My last two pregnancies were very difficult (severe mornings sickness, leading to hospitalization in once case, separated pubic muscles, and gestation diabetes which was thankfully controllable with just diet). It would be hard to go through that with little kids that still depend on me for a lot. Still if he were to say to me today today "lets have another baby" I'd be on board. I am looking on the bright side though, knowing this pregnancy/baby might be my last I am telling myself I might be able to enjoy it more when the other kids are a little bit older.

Honestly I'd like to stop preventing all together and just see how many kids God gives us but I know dh is not on board with that. I've made my case to dh and am at the point where I feel I need to be submissive to his leading in this area. So I am praying that if its God's will for us to have more he reveal that to dh, and if its his will for us only to have 3 or 4 or whatever number, he give me peace with that. So that's where we are at right now.
Last edited by tentsofpurple on Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: YOUR family size

Postby sexwithinmarriage » Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:34 am

InGodsGrace wrote:
Ballad wrote:
sexwithinmarriage wrote:God told us to be fruitful and multiply. My wife + Me = 2 therefore multiplying must be at least 3 (2 would be replacement, 1 would be division/subtraction).

:? :?:

2 x 1 = 2
2 x 0.5 = 1
3 = 2 x 1.5 ( <--- not two integers)

But I think we all understand that he was talking about a trend rather than arithmetic.


Glad I wasn't the only one who was thinking what kind of math are you doing??


Sorry, next time I'll bring out the Hebrew instead of the math. The word used is רבה which means to increase. I used multiply, because that's the translation everyone is familiar with. So, if one is to "increase" one must have more than the 2 put in. Which requires a minimum of three (circumstances allowing). Does that clarify?

As for the math, who said it needs to be 2 integers? And I ruled out the <= 1 fractions because of the Hebrew. And of course, you need to round up to the nearest integer because you can't have a partial human. Sorry, should have showed my work I guess. Didn't realize I was back in elementary school <grin>.

I was going to write out a formula or subroutine for it, but I thought that might be overkill...
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby HisLadybug » Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:18 pm

Snowfallssoftly wrote:when did you make your decisions?


We married at age 23 when DH was in the middle of a master's program. We wanted a year or two to be together - I was thinking at the time I wanted 3 babies and DH was saying (half jokingly) that he wanted 6. Our first 5 years of marriage went by lightening fast. We saved like crazy in order to put down a down payment on a house, which we bought in year 3 of marriage. Our son was born on our 6th anniversary. We are both open to more or less children than 3 if the Lord wills it. We can make plans but in the end we aren't really in control.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby SnowFallsSoftly » Wed Feb 20, 2013 5:25 pm

Thanks all for your great replies! It's something we're still thinking about; but I feel a lot more peace and less pressure about "ohmygosh what if we're doing this all wrong", it'll be alright whatever happens

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Re: YOUR family size

Postby Mr. Dev » Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:06 pm

Isn't it beautiful how each couple has their own story for how they grew their family? I love that DW and I can have kids. We were beginning to not be sure if we would have the chance. So far, two kids, and we expect to have a third (a boy) but after a couple years from now.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby Mumof2cuteboys » Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:29 pm

We married when Hubby was 23 and I was 19, the day before my 20th birthday. We hadn't really discussed when we would start a family or how many children we would like. We both come from families of four, but at the time I still had 14 months of a Fitting and Machining apprenticeship remaining. We were relying on the pill, with condoms for back up. At that time I was uninformed and didn't think about what effects birth control may or may not have if an egg was fertilised.
The apprentices who had been employed by a large paper making plant had just had their contracts transferred to a new apprenticeship training group. Things took an unpredictable turn when I was injured at work and the new training group were unapologetic about being against females working in traditionally male trades. They disputed my injury claims, took me to arbitration, offered me employment in their other area of expertise - office admin, lol.
It ended up that they paid my medical bills up to a certain date and we parted ways, with just over 12 months to finish, meaning I failed to qualify.

I got a job in a large supermarket and was enjoying the casual hours and not travelling 1 hour each way for work. About 3 months after this, while thinking I was protected because of the pill, but having had a virus, We managed to concieve, hence our first son was born 9 months later. We had been married for 16 months by that time. Life was going along well, no major hiccups and we had a perfect first baby - sleeping 10-12 hours through the night from about 6-8 weeks, happy, well adjusted little bub. We discovered we were pregnant and DS2 was born when DS1 was just shy of 19 months old.

I was a young mum who had one great toddler, couldn't have been easier. So I was sure the next would be a breeze...... But NO, he had other plans. Although he often slept 9-10 hours through the night from the time he was about 8 weeks old (we must have found something that worked for both of them), he screamed most of his waking hours. He had colic, reflux, projectile vomiting and projectile diarrhea, asthma - you name it, he was diagnosed with it.... When bub was about 3 weeks old I decided to toilet train our eldest..... not a good time. He wasn't ready, I got sick with tonsillitis and mastitis and bub ended up in hospital - all at the same time I thought I should be toilet training... .
When bub was about 5 months old I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression and went on antidepressants, the first ones didn't work and I had to end up putting bub on the bottle so I could go on different antidepressants. I was hospitalised for 2x2 week periods during the change of medication time - it was around Christmas and New Years.

After in depth conversations with our GP we decided we wouldn't try to conceive again until such a time that I was clear from medication and sure that I was OK. I was on medication foor about 4 years. During this time I had the Depo injections for several years before using the Mirena IUD. During this time I became aware of the possibility of some methods of BC actually causes the body to reject the fertalised egg. The 5 year life span of the Mirena had come and gone and I decided I wasn't happy with putting more chemicals into my body at the risk that we may actually be aborting a new life unknowingly.

About 4 years ago Hubby and I talked, and hubby knew his options were to have a vasectomy or use condoms forever.....well at least until I was no longer fertile and I was only 34 at the time. I did, however, because e decided to have the vasectomy I did agree to go on a mini pill in the interim and we only used condoms when needed.

Hubby booked in for the vasectomy, which was supposed to be completed under a local anesthetic, but was stopped after one side was done because hubby felt everything that was happening. They tried to top up the numbing, but never worked. 9 months later he was back at the hospital, this time under a general anesthetic to complete the task.

Although we would have loved more children, by the time I was medication free I was also child free of a daytime and we had got into activities that really made it hard to go back and have more children. We have however extended our family through becoming fostercarers. We have two darling little children, DFD5 and DFS7 who were with us for 18 months, but even though they have gone home to their Dad, we still maintain regular contact kind of more like an aunty and uncle role, but a little more special.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby flyfisherwoman » Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:58 am

DH and I married in 2006. We both had strong convictions to have at least one if not two children, yet also had desires to reach educational goals.

I finished my Master's degree last May, and DH will finish his MBA in August of this year. I am currently on HBC, but wondering if that is a terrible option--I've been feeling quite conflicted about it for the past year or so.

No one in our family has asked if we are TTC, but I'm sure they are wondering. We will probably TTC in the next year or so. I hope with us being 32 yrs old, age won't be a factor in our fertility.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby Ballad » Thu Jun 13, 2013 1:32 pm

flyfisherwoman wrote:I am currently on HBC, but wondering if that is a terrible option

Why exactly?
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A mighty, glorious, dazzling sea
Stretching into infinity.’

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Re: YOUR family size

Postby flyfisherwoman » Fri Jun 14, 2013 5:58 am

Ballad wrote:
flyfisherwoman wrote:I am currently on HBC, but wondering if that is a terrible option

Why exactly?


I've been on it for over 10 years, and I wonder if it will affect fertility when it's time to start TTC. OBGYN says no, but I've read otherwise.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby missunique » Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:00 am

flyfisherwoman wrote:
Ballad wrote:
flyfisherwoman wrote:I am currently on HBC, but wondering if that is a terrible option

Why exactly?


I've been on it for over 10 years, and I wonder if it will affect fertility when it's time to start TTC. OBGYN says no, but I've read otherwise.


Don't expect it to be like flipping a switch, it's can take months for proper cycles to return, especially if you've been on it for many years. Remember your body has been flooded with artificial hormones continuously for 10 years, it can take a long time for it to get back to normal function.

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Re: YOUR family size

Postby Mrs Weller » Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:27 am

My DH and I have two Little girls aged 5 and 2 and two angle babies and we are trying for another.
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Re: YOUR family size

Postby George B. » Tue Dec 17, 2013 12:04 pm

We have six and one in heaven. When we got married, we already knew that we wanted a large family, and we also decided fairly soon that we would simply try to listen to the voice of the Lord as to how to grow our family. We were on the pill for the first 2 years of marriage, and after we went off the pill, it took us a further 8 months to conceive, which was really difficult for us. Once we got pregnant the first time, it was really easy after that--a little too easy! :wink:

We lost our second born to a crib death. Then we got pregnant nearly immediately after the loss. We got pregnant again after deciding not to use any birth control at all and trust God with when we would get pregnant. After that, we used a combo of FAM and condoms, then stopped when we were ready to get pregnant. We got pregnant quickly. After that baby, we got pregnant a couple of years later when we had a problem with a badly-fitting condom. The last pregnancy is still a mystery to us--we were using FAM, but we got pregnant during a supposedly impossible time of her cycle. Go figure.

After that, we both separately sensed from the Lord a peace about pursuing another, more permanent form of birth control. I ended up getting a vasectomy, which went well.

All in all, it's been quite a journey, which some unexpected twists and turns, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. We definitely have sensed the guidance of the Lord the whole way.
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