The Pill and Condom

What's available, do's and don'ts.
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Darkvette
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The Pill and Condom

Postby Darkvette » Tue Dec 10, 2013 6:16 pm

DW has been on variations of the pill since before we got married and currently is on a generic of Seasonique. But, since we got married, we have been using condoms, along with the pill when we ML. Recently, we have discussed it and we'd like to stop using condoms when we ML, to truly enjoy each other and really be "one flesh".

However, because of her past (http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=60224), she has a very big fear of getting pregnant. So, because of her fear, we continue using both the pill and condoms. We've looked at FAM, but that appears to only apply when she's not on the pill. Does anyone have any suggestions that may help us to get over this hurdle, so we can truly enjoy each other?

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beautyfromashes
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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby beautyfromashes » Tue Dec 10, 2013 6:30 pm

Spermicidal sponge? Diaphragm?
Deep intimacy always requires work, acceptance, and forgiveness. Lots of it. ~~ Linda Dillow

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Darkvette
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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby Darkvette » Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:31 pm

Should probably be more specific. She takes her pill regularly, and has never missed a dose. Ever! We know there is always risk involved, but the question is, with using only the pill, since her cycle is only once every 3 months, is it safe to go without a condom during a majority of that time (other than when she is around her cycle time of course...)?

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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby sd595 » Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:39 pm

I read the link your posted, but all I saw was that the abstinence teaching told her how easy it was to get pregnant and that was a bad thing. Why does she fear it now that she is married? Is the idea of getting pregnant one that shows to the world she has been having sex?
Get out your bible and see what He says. Pray to Him right now and ask Him for His wisdom in the matter. He will not fail you if you put your faith and trust in Him.

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George B.
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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby George B. » Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:21 pm

That's the real question: why is she so afraid of getting pregnant, now that you're married?

If she's on the pill, it seems to me that according to the design of the pill, you don't need any other form of BC, but I'd ask the doctor who prescribed it to be sure.


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missunique
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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby missunique » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:58 am

You cannot use FAM while on the pill.
I think she needs counselling both for all the issues mentioned in the other thread and for her fear of pregnancy. Maybe it would help if you sat down together and discussed how you would deal with an unexpected pregnancy (finances, work, childcare etc.), or even to set up a plan and work on building up savings and having everything in place? This might show her that it's something that you'll be able to deal with and not something to panic about.

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Darkvette
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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby Darkvette » Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:53 pm

Thank you all for the feedback and advice. I will pass this along to my DW.

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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby Kilarin » Fri Dec 13, 2013 9:30 pm

Darkvette wrote:is it safe to go without a condom during a majority of that time

That depends entirely on how you define "safe." There is a small risk of pregnancy even after vasectomy or a tubal ligation. Nothing is 100% except abstinence, and even that failed at least once. :D

I'm going to stand with the others and say you need to talk to your wife about her fears and decide what is a reasonable risk of pregnancy for the two of you. Research what the failure rates are on various contraceptive methods and choose an option that works well for the two of you. AND, talk with her about that fact that when you are having a good married sexual relationship, there will ALWAYS be some risk of pregnancy. You can make it very small, but it's going to be there. If you take reasonable precautions and you get pregnant anyway, then don't panic, just welcome the blessing that God has bestowed upon you!

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George B.
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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby George B. » Sat Dec 14, 2013 12:14 am

Amen! Two of our kids were unexpected blessings, but I wouldn't choose not to have them in a second. They've been an incredible blessing to our family!


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Darkvette
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Re: The Pill and Condom

Postby Darkvette » Sat Dec 14, 2013 11:08 am

Kilarin wrote:
Darkvette wrote:is it safe to go without a condom during a majority of that time

That depends entirely on how you define "safe." There is a small risk of pregnancy even after vasectomy or a tubal ligation. Nothing is 100% except abstinence, and even that failed at least once. :D

I'm going to stand with the others and say you need to talk to your wife about her fears and decide what is a reasonable risk of pregnancy for the two of you. Research what the failure rates are on various contraceptive methods and choose an option that works well for the two of you. AND, talk with her about that fact that when you are having a good married sexual relationship, there will ALWAYS be some risk of pregnancy. You can make it very small, but it's going to be there. If you take reasonable precautions and you get pregnant anyway, then don't panic, just welcome the blessing that God has bestowed upon you!


Amen as well! It's like we're still taking God out of the equation to a degree and not really letting Him do any of His magic. Hopefully things will shape up and we'll be able to get it all worked out. We have started seeing a sex therapist locally to us, so I will talk with DW and have her make a point to start bringing up her fears.


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