Building up 2 sex

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
butterflybex
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Building up 2 sex

Postby butterflybex » Thu Feb 08, 2018 4:31 pm

Hallo everyone. Been reading for a wee while but first time poster.
I'm getting hitched next month, my hubby and I are both virgins and will be sharing our first kiss on our wedding day. Initially I felt real nervous at the thought of havin our first kiss, wedding day, and first time having sex all in one day. It's been real eye opening reading these forums and realizing we can take our time to build up to having full PIV.
I like the idea of things progressing naturally e.g. It's quite normal that you'll kiss BEFORE you move onto manual sex or whatever. As someone who's very sexually inexperienced though, so don't really know the full scope of 'steps' you can enjoy on your way building up to having sex. I remember reading on here quite a while ago someone having like a list of steps (I think it was with the intention of a bride setting herself goals of which step they'd reach each day of the honeymoon) but I can't find it no more. Are any of you experienced friends able to please help a sister out and give me some ideas of chronological steps there are? By all means, we won't be setting unnecessary limits on ourselves, if we feel ready to jump straight to the end destination then we will!! But I think, as a nervous inexperienced bride-to-be, that this could be really helpful for me to wrap my mind around and help me set myself goals to reach outside of my comfort zone and have things progress in a natural order, each step making the next step less daunting as it's a smaller leap. Hope this makes sense, looking forward to hearing your ideas and being blessed by your help :)

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Dale
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Re: Building up 2 sex

Postby Dale » Thu Feb 08, 2018 5:33 pm

I don't have any "chronological" steps, but I would advise taking your time and getting to know each other's bodies. Use all your senses and enjoy the blessing of each other. Have some nice massage oil and of course a good lube handy. Communicate your pleasure and your love to each other through words, moans, and whatever other sounds come out! :lol:

Don't rush things, but don't limit yourselves either. You probably won't get to everything you want to the first time, but you also may come across things that you had not even imagined!
It's all okay, and if you just relax and have fun with each other, it will be wonderful!

Congrats on beginning your marriage and your marriage bed in the right way!

Dale

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George B.
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Re: Building up 2 sex

Postby George B. » Thu Feb 08, 2018 7:50 pm

welcome and congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It’s really great that you’re thinking along these lines. way to go!

my dw and I were both virgins when we got married. we did kiss before the wedding but nothing beyond that. a few weeks before the wedding, we did have a brief talk with one another about expectations and what might or might not happen on the wedding night and/or honeymoon. that really helped both of us relax and simply enjoy getting married and to enjoy getting to know one another. we definitely took it really slowly and we’re glad we went into it with the right attitude, since we had some physical difficulties which kept intercourse from happening right away.

I will say that we were both surprised at how naturally things progressed and what we were both interested in doing and seeing, sooner than we expected. So that was a plus.

so much of that first experience is colored by a great attitude of relaxed fun and curiosity and joy. so I would say revel in it, look forward to exploring one another and enjoying one another without reservation, as God intended.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Building up 2 sex

Postby Californianurse25 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:24 pm

Definitely look into using a dilator set. Huge help! I didn’t do that and have no regrets but the first half dozen times definitely were a breaking in period, so to speak. (I had never even used a tampon.) I agree with the above advice as well, prepare for it to be very emotional (lots of firsts after what will be a thrilling and exhausting day.) So definitely don’t put any pressure on yourself.


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poetess
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Re: Building up 2 sex

Postby poetess » Sat Feb 10, 2018 9:54 pm

If the problem is doing everything from kiss to intercourse on the same day, why not introduce kissing (non-passionate) before the wedding day? Since it is sex that consummates the marriage (meaning you aren't really "married" until you have sex), making at least some attempt at sex on the wedding day seemed to me like the right thing to do (we were not fully successful, but I still consider our wedding day to be the day I lost my virginity). It seems to me that there is a stronger connection between marriage (wedding day) and sex than between wedding day and first kiss, logically, even if full penetration is not possible or a couple chooses to begin with manual or oral sex and waits a day or two for intercourse.

I just wanted to verify that you do actually look forward to being able to be one flesh with your new husband, and are not hoping to be able to delay that a bit?
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Building up 2 sex

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Feb 11, 2018 10:53 am

Congratulations Bex!

As someone who's very sexually inexperienced though, so don't really know the full scope of 'steps' you can enjoy on your way building up to having sex. I remember reading on here quite a while ago someone having like a list of steps (I think it was with the intention of a bride setting herself goals of which step they'd reach each day of the honeymoon) but I can't find it no more.


Please pick up a copy of the book Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. It is married sex 101 from a Christian perspective. It will answer most of the basic questions you have.

This book has a warning near the front advising unmarrieds to read only certain chapters, and to read the rest of the book after they are married. That's crazy. If reading about sexual positions and Kegel exercises are going to make you abandon your vows of purity, you aren't very committed to begin with. People entering marriage with too much Christian-based education is not a problem we run into a lot here on TMB.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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be64
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Re: Building up 2 sex

Postby be64 » Fri Feb 16, 2018 9:22 pm

My wife and I were both virgins prior to our wedding. We did only minimal kissing beforehand. However we were so excited about having sex that we did so at our first opportunity about two hours after the wedding. Intercourse wasn’t sucessful the first time. I came too quickly. However we consummated that evening. Thinking back we can see things we would have done differently but such as it was we just couldn’t wait.

I would say don’t go unnaturally slow at getting around to having sex. Take things how they come and let your passion for each other lead you along. It’s an exciting time so have fun getting to know each other.
The secret to having everything is believing you already do!

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Re: Building up 2 sex

Postby MrsG » Sat Feb 17, 2018 9:21 am

I think as long as you share your expectations beforehand and are on the same page, whatever you decide to do is fine. But I agree with be64, don’t aim for going slow as if you are going to “regret” a fast pace.

Having sex on our wedding night was a big priority for us. We prepared ourselves for the reality that in some cases it doesn’t work out, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but we considered it symbolically and spiritually meaningful - and it really was.


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