I first visited this site a few years back with one of my friends when he was about to get married. I made a mental footnote to return here when it came time for my own "I do," as there seemed to be a strong community and a lot of great advice! My fiancee and I are going to be married in mid-July and are currently going through pre-marital counseling sessions.
In short, we've both worked on putting this following commitment together. Several of the ideas came from a couple of the other posts here (thanks!). Anyway, we both just created accounts on this site and are hoping to get some feedback on our statement. Neither of us have been married before or have any sexual experience, so we would be blessed to consider any ideas presented.
In preparation for our life together, we seek to lay the following foundation of a marriage marked by Christlikeness. Primarily, we aim to serve and glorify God in all aspects of our marriage and individuality. In accordance with His Word, it is our desire to pursue purity in all things. This includes sex. As seen in 1 Corinthians 6, we know the expression of human sexuality is not merely physical, but also spiritual. As such, it is imperative that we treat it with reverence and care. Sex is a way of loving one another, worshiping our Creator, and portraying the relationship between Christ and His Bride. The cultivation of a healthy and vibrant sexual relationship will not only help us grow in unity, but assist us in resisting temptation. We understand that we risk damaging our overall relationship when our intimacy is threatened or malnourished. To avoid this, we will proactively address conflict, confess sin, and flee temptation in accordance with the following ground rules:
1. We promise to always treat our marriage bed as sacred and holy.
2. We will pray with and for each other daily, including for our marriage and physical relationship.
3. We each acknowledge that we have authority over the other's body according to 1 Corinthians 7.
-This authority should only be used to increase intimacy, never decrease it.
4. We will keep all sexual relations within our marriage.
-We will give each other control over all aspects of our sexuality.
5. We will limit emotional relationships with members of the opposite sex.
-We will subject relationships with opposite sex friends to each other.
-We will honestly and openly communicate with each other if attractions to opposite sex friends, coworkers, etc. begin to develop.
6. We will always be cheerful and generous lovers.
7. We will ensure that our bedroom is always a safe, clean, and inviting place.
8. We will openly communicate our sexual desires to each other.
-We will be open and willing to explore these interests and desires.
9. We will not use sex or any intimate act as a bargaining tool.
-We will not use sex as a reward for "good" behavior.
-We will not withhold sex as a punishment for "bad" behavior or during an argument.
10. We will never lightly refuse sex or any other intimate act. We will always do our best to be available to the other.
-If there is a necessary refusal, we will plan for intimacy as soon as possible.
-We will not ask for sex when it would cause pain, injury, or anger. These times should be rare.
11. The one with less sexual desire will always try to please the one with greater desire in each season of life.
12. We will sleep in the same bed whenever possible.
-We will go to bed at the same time when feasible.
13. We will never go to sleep angry. We will always work out any conflict prior to bedtime.
14. I am not qualified to judge whether I am being a good husband or wife; only my spouse is qualified to make this judgment. If they tell me that I need to improve in any specific area, I will cheerfully make an effort to do so.
15. If one of one of us feels the need to receive counseling from a qualified Christian source, we will make every effort to do so in a timely fashion.
16. We will not speak poorly or complain about our spouse behind their back.
-We promise to never speak negatively to others about our sex life, except with one designated same-sex friend, mentor, and counselor for each of us.
17. We do not expect privacy from each other. We will provide open access to all forms of each other’s communication, including letters, e-mails, and on digital platforms.
-We will subject our internet and media usage to each other.
-We will not engage with pornography or other illicit content.
-We will subject our entertainment choices to each other.
18. We will both actively seek out and participate in accountability groups with Christlike, same-sex Christians.
19. Our marriage comes before the children in importance. We will not neglect each other's needs because we are too busy with the children's needs.
20. Divorce will never be brought up as an option. It will not be joked about or used as a threat.