Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...

Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby 1403 » Thu May 27, 2010 5:13 pm

Avoidance. I didn't know any better at the time, but what I was observing was deer in the headlights kind of "omg I've run out of delay tactics and its starting to become obvious.". But I was trying to say those things to normal couples, without garnishing too much hurt on it. Both of my points are things that can affect any bride, just because they didn't occur to you, and you have a million other peoples expectations on you.

I think it was Erma Bombeck that told her mom, "Mom, this is MY wedding, you had your chance 20 years ago!" Her mom repied "No dear, that was MY mothers wedding."

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby lurioosi » Sat May 29, 2010 8:59 am

The night before my wedding, two of my brides-matrons, whom I had known since jr. high, came over with a bag of goodies. In it was KY, some of those wipes, lotion, and breath spray. I used them all.

I was one of those who "chickened out" on the wedding night, mainly because I had a horrible experience at the "lady doctor," so I was afraid. The next night I braved up, and it was NOTHING like a doctor visit - duh! :roll: I would say just enjoy yourself and try to relax. Your body - as it gets revved up - will naturally start you breathing heavier, focusing on the sensations and having your DH so close. The pain I felt was like a millisecond, but sooooooo worth it. And remember, all that stuff that was a no-no before is FAIR GAME now!!!! :P :D

I would also say, regardless of how paranoid some are about discussing sex before marriage, you need to talk about it. It is good to know how you view it, overall expectations of frequency, etc. before "I do."
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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby Romeo_Juliet379 » Sat May 29, 2010 6:54 pm

Talk about it. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it.
Like most things in life, it's totally normal to be nervous the first time. :lol:
You don't need to obsess over it, just get on the same page before the wedding, so you can head into the wedding night/honeymoon more sure of your footing.

As far as specific things, as others have already mentioned, more time please! The more time you have together to be naked before actual PIV intercourse starts up, the better.
Taking your time has been mentioned already, as has women who experienced no pain, but for us they were connected. Because we took so much time, DW was fairly wound up when we finally did. The sensation, I am told, was indescribable. And without being too graphic, in a shockingly short amount of time, she had a very surprising, very powerful O. :shock: :shock:

I was just as shocked! I thought I had hurt her or something! :oops:

So yeah, your mileage will, no doubt, vary... but it is at least possible to have a fantastic time your first time. So why not slow down and see? Besides, slowing down gives you time to smell the roses.


Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby newlywed1104 » Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:14 am

Well we got married nine whole months ago, so although my wisdom may not be as seasoned as some, I do have a pretty fresh memory of how our wedding night went down! :)
I'll try to be sensitive and not share the more intimate details, but I wouldn't change a thing about that day/night. We kind of worked up to that moment throughout the whole day. Our ceremony was in the morning and our reception later that evening. So when 1 O'clock rolled around we went back to our apartment for the first time together and had our first lunch together. Then we went in our new bed and took a short nap for the first time together, the nap was interrupted by some curiosity... But we wanted to save the rest for that night. But we went and took a shower together for the first time then headed off to the reception.
I guess the moral of the story is that it was a good bond for US to do those "married things" together before the big moment. We were blessed in that we became comfortable with each other as husband and wife very quickly.
For us, another thing that helped is that, while we were both anxious and excited, while dh was eager, there was no pressure. Take some time to be comfortable in every aspect with each other. That made a world of difference to us!

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby klancy » Tue Aug 31, 2010 12:58 am

I was told the night before my wedding by a bridesmaid to have plenty of KY on hand! We were all at a hotel together with no wheels, so I took a jog on the morning of my wedding and bought KY and doughnuts! LOL! Seriously, we never actually used it. And for those who recommend certain condoms and lubs etc., I found that I am ver sensative to irritation from all of those or anything wiht spermacide in it (or anything in general as I cannot take bubble baths or use bath oils etc.) They cause irritation and bladder infection for me. We just used 'natural lubricant' from our mouths. It's more fun to 'apply' anyway!

Because of that, I recommend that if you are planning on using a barrier method of birth control, you amke an attempt at practicing to insert it weeks before the big night, so that you can be assured that it won't irriatate you (for condoms, simply use your finger to insert it and leave it in place for a while before removing, if it irritates you, you'll know!) If you are using a sponge, cap or diaphram, it will give you confidence that you'll know how to do it before the big night! But wow, condoms were difficult for us to do 4 years in our marriage, I can't imagine having to deal with them on our wedding night! I really recommend trying the sponge because it is easy enough and doesn't get in the way, plus, you can put it in up to 24 hours ahead of time. I can manage it wiht my sensativity because it goes 'way' up there away from the urethra and I rinse with water after inserting and removing to get rid of any spermacide that was spread.

I agree wiht taking it slow. We planed to stay up all night enjoying each other in whatever way felt right. And we did. We started by snuggling in the nude, and talked about the day, and how blessed we felt and saying a prayer. I did have pain the first time he entered me, but it was still a special experience and he took it really slow. I honestly don't remember if I O'd that first time! If not I did a few minutes later, because he lovingly did whatever it took. ! I also think it is good to be in tune with your body and experience an O beforehand, this helps you know what you like and be able to communicate it to him so he can know too. The pain I had did get better each time we made love, but I could not for instance 'finish him off' unless I was also still very aroused too, or the pain would return. I think it took months actually to be totally pain free. :( But it was still enojoyalble as long as I was aroused, and I didn't have a problem with O.

The best night was actually the night after that, which was our first night at home together. I put my wedding dress back on, and we were SO CLOSE and intimate, and prayed and loved like I could never beleive. We had never been closer and more in love than that night together.

Nine years, and 2 sets of twins later, life has presented it's challenges, but we just had our anniversary and have had a great re-kindling of passion that reminded me of these days I will forever treasure in my heart.

I would definitly talk with each other about what you envision your wedding night to be like (over the phone maybe to keep control LOL!). What you are looking forward to, what you are anxious about, how you will handle possible hurdles. So you both are on the same page and less likely to have dissapointments.

Hope that helps.


Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby dance20034 » Sat Sep 04, 2010 3:33 pm

Make sure to plan your first night together as important as all the details of the wedding. I agree, don't have a late night reception! You'll will be tired and your first night together is a special time. You both should have low expectations. I had it in my brain that I had to "go all the way" the first night and that's not true. Make sure to have candles and mood music. Wear something sexy and start slow and snuggle and kiss. Your mind and body will tell you how far you want to go. Just don't feel like you have to have sex the first night. It will come in time. Sharing your thoughts and feelings is important. We had a book for Christian couples on intimacy and sex and read it before our honeymoon. That helps as sometimes novices have no clue how to please the other person.

One important item I strongly suggest is don't go away for a honeymoon for at least a week or two. That's a myth in our culture that we have to go right away or evan at all. We only had 2 nights at home before we left for Europe and we camped for 3 weeks. It was a stupid idea for a honeymoon since we were tired every night from walking and hauling our camping gear everywhere and European campers like to camp right next to each other. The stress of figuring out where we were going made it seem like a honeymoon of the Amazing Race (just not in a hurry like that show). By the time we returned home, our intimate relationship already was starting off on the wrong foot. Not good.

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby lindita » Mon Dec 06, 2010 9:08 pm

Well, having been there and done IT, I'm back to make my contribution to this thread... :D

1. You cannot use too much lube. If you are looking for your snorkel and flippers, you're getting close.
2. Bring pantiliners. Semen may drip out of you the next day and leave your underwear wet.
3. Bring sleeping pills. If you don't need them, you can always slip them in your husband's food if he keeps waking you up for sex... :wink: (tongue in cheek here)
4. Bring at least one set of comfy pajamas. Sex left me nauseous for most of the whole week and at times, the last thing I wanted to be in was something slinky.
5. Stretching yourself is a must. Even if you only use a finger or two, it's worth the investment.
6. Be familiar and comfortable with your birth control method, if you're using one.
7. Bring premoistened personal wipes. If you are sore, wiping with toilet paper after using the bathroom really hurts.
8. Vagicaine (generic Walmart brand for Vagisil, I believe) is an excellent numbing cream if your vaginal opening is hurting the next day.
9. Take Advil after sex the first night. If your vagina doesn't hurt, your hips sure might the next day!! :wink:
10. Bring cranberry tablets and take them at the first hint of any urinary symptoms and start chugging the fluids.
11. Plan other things to do on your honeymoon. Sex is more fun if you've been doing something totally different in between.

ABOVE ALL, have fun and try to keep a positive outlook! It really does keep getting better!

Edited to add: The first night was painless. However, after a high traffic pattern for several days, things began to get raw down there. The week after we got home, my hymen tore sideways and that made sex painful for a couple days. However, all is well now. :D

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby dmack » Tue Dec 07, 2010 6:36 am

Wow this post brings back memories.

Okay...ever see the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" Well...just change the word Greek and replace it with Italian and you have an idea what our wedding was like. Yeah...I come from a huge Italian family where everybody is in your business. My wife is not Italian...she is Scotch Irish and very fair skinned. My family is predominantly male...I come from a family of four boys, my cousins are all guys and we are very loud. They adore my wife--always have. We had 350 people at the wedding reception and we stood in line for over two hours receiving our guests. My uncles have a habit of kissing, pinching and biting your cheeks when they greet you. We were so "brush burned" we could hardly kiss each other on the wedding night. Our faces were on fire. I was in great shape physically ( beach life guard just coming off a lifeguard competition) so I was surprised on our wedding night that my legs ached like a tooth ache from standing and dancing all day and night. I had such huge expectations of our wedding night but we just laid in bed with all our muscles aching and our faces burning. We ML that night but it was just okay...not what I dreamed about. It got better during the honeymoon but that was cut short because my wife developed honeymoon cystitis so severe that she was admitted to the hospital. We had no idea what was happening :roll: .

So here's my advice for the wedding night: Do not have any expectations of the wedding night and always remember to pee after sex. :wink:

Here's my advice for the marriage...

Advice for the bride:

Always support and never criticize his dreams no mattter how stupid they seem to you. Try out new and crazy things together--if nothing else you'll have great stories to tell. Give a list of things you'd like for gifts and let him choose what he wants to give you. If he gives you flowers, always take the time to smell them before you comment how beautiful they are (guys think this is extremely sexy). When he gets dressed in a suit and tie always fix the knot of his tie, look squarely in his eyes and pat his chest (we think this is sexy too). Never refuse sex with your husband. And above all else--laugh to survive!

Advice for the groom:

Always support and never criticize her dreams no mattter how stupid they seem to you. Try out new and crazy things together--if nothing else you'll have great stories to tell. Surprise her with little things a long the way that let her know you are thinking of her. Always comment how beautiful she is before you go out for the evening. Allow her to help you when life deals you a bad hand--don't always try to fix everything yourself. Never refuse sex with your bride. And above all else--laugh to survive!



Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby glabrous » Tue Dec 07, 2010 4:36 pm

Most importantly, bring some thick skin along with you. When DH touched me down there his response was "Ewwww, gross!"

Hopefully a bride's new husband won't be insensitive toward her (I mean, really!) :shock: :evil: She may well have had some choice thoughts about him, but kept them in...

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby sharpie0044 » Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:42 pm

Everyone's first night is different so if someone tells you how it went for them, don't expect that to happen to you. I would suggest doing some stretching with your fingers before that night in hopes that it doesn't hurt as much. Take your time and enjoy your first experience in the journey of figuring each other out. Sex will get easier the more you practice :) I wish I had specifics, but again everyone is different. Try to go into it with an open mind and always make sex an extreme priority in marriage. If you do it seems like that will force you to keep other things in check as well. ENJOY and congrats


Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby Dragon42 » Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:04 am

Ok, this one is not really to do with sex, but it was just as important for our wedding night.

If you have any chronic conditions that require medication, make sure you have all of the meds you could possibly need. I have very mild asthma, and it usually doesn't bother me. I maybe have to take my inhaler a few times a year. Anyway, we got to the hotel, had an awesome first time, and then went to sleep. A couple hours later, I woke up barely able to breathe because something in the hotel room set off my asthma and I was having a really bad asthma attack. :shock: I had also not packed my inhaler, because, like I said, I almost never need it. Anyway, it wasn't so bad that I needed to go to the hospital or anything, but I did have to spend the rest of the night sitting up in a chair so I could breathe.

We left at about 5 am, and we aren't morning people. After we got home, and I took my inhaler, I felt so much better, and we both napped together. I am so glad we did not have any travel plans, because I'm sure we would have had to cancel them anyway. :roll:

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby Gemma » Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:53 pm

We avoided the entire "got to the hotel too late to enjoy the night" issue by having a very early afternoon wedding. It allowed us time to visit with our guests and leave the reception with plenty time to spare.
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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby George B. » Tue Jan 11, 2011 3:02 pm

Lots of great advice here.

For us, the key was good, honest, communication before the wedding day about expectations regarding sex. I don't recommend doing this too soon, but it was good for us to be able to talk about a few things to help set the stage well. If I remember right, we talked frankly about the fact that we probably weren't going to be able to have intercourse right away because of a particular physical issue for both of us (sure enough, it took us six weeks!), and we talked about other specifics, such as her views on oral sex, and what we were going to do about birth control, etc.

For us, having had that conversation meant that we were on the same page and knew what to expect on our wedding night and honeymoon(we were both virgins, by the way, and had never seen each other naked or done much of anything except kiss). That helped both of us to relax and really enjoy one another and helped set a great tone for our marriage.

So all that is to say, do what you need to do to communicate clearly about any expectations ahead of time so that both of you can relax and really enjoy the experience without too much worry.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis


Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby mimiyu » Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:57 pm

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here!

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby Paul B » Thu Feb 03, 2011 10:40 pm

Gemma wrote:We avoided the entire "got to the hotel too late to enjoy the night" issue by having a very early afternoon wedding. It allowed us time to visit with our guests and leave the reception with plenty time to spare.

We did the same - then went to our new home for the first night - heading out for the honeymoon the next day. Seems to me a very good idea to have your first night in your home and bed - especially if you manage to get there as virgins.
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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby Gemma » Fri Feb 04, 2011 8:48 am

Actually we also spent our first night in our apartment. Dh and I both had the flu during our wedding. Fun, fun. We were so sick and didn't think ahead to have comfort food in the apartment for the flu so we dragged our bodies... walking, we were too sick to drive... to the front of the apartment complex where there was a nice restaurant and we ordered soup... just soup. Then we crawled back to the apartment. It was not a fun night but we did get to bed early :lol: .

If doing it all over again I would again plan an early afternoon wedding. It allowed us to sleep in a bit the morning of and it prevented us from getting home late after the wedding.
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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby olga » Fri Feb 04, 2011 10:26 am

I knew from very early on (thanks to TMB's advice) that we were going to have a morning wedding. I did NOT want to end up at our honeymoon destination "too pooped to whoop," as Dr Lehman puts it in "Sheet Music." So we got married at 11am and were done with the reception and everything by 2:30. It also helped that we didn't serve a big meal or have a bunch of dancing and drinking going on -- people didn't expect to stick around all day!

We did go somewhere for the honeymoon, but it was a little, extremely rural B&B owned by some good friends of my grandparents, and we stayed only for a few days. There was only one night there that any other guests were staying in the place. The owners made us lavish meals morning and night, and we basically had the run of the place. Plus, it was about mid-way between the church and our apartment -- between 45-60 minutes away from each, so we didn't spend forever driving. (We even stopped on the way to the B&B and got a very late lunch at a cheesy little diner we always wanted to go to because of its silly name, "Cutters Edge." It was significant because we always used to drive past it when going to visit each other while courting.)

Anyway... I was extremely prepared for our wedding night. I'd brought 3 different kinds of lube, 2 different kinds of massage oil, pantiliners, cranberry pills, comfy PJs in case I didn't feel like staying naked the entire 3 days of our stay at the B&B, several kinds of perfume, tons of clothes, even more lingerie, books to read (including Sheet Music, the little book our premarital counselor had given us, and a sex manual a well-meaning friend gave me), Vagisil in case I had pain or itching....

In the end, we went out and bought a 4th bottle of lube and ended up only using that. We only tried one of the bottles of massage oil. I never needed the pantiliners. I peed after sex every time (DH was very good about encouraging me to do so even when I reeeeally didn't feel like getting out of bed), so the cranberry pills went unused after the first night. I pretty much stayed naked the whole time, except when we left to go eat. I did use my perfumes -- I'm a big fan of scent. The lingerie also all got used. None of the books got read except my favorite childhood book which I brought to read to him for non-sexual fun in our "down-time." (He loved that, btw, and it was actually his idea.)

The one thing I brought that I was very happy about were my snow boots. It snowed hard our last night there and we almost thought we wouldn't be able to get out. But the boots got me through that!

Other than all that... I'd say be prepared to be spontaneous. I felt like a little kid again during my honeymoon -- after a wonderful 4-hour session on the third night, we sat in bed around 2am giggling like 5-year-olds and eating Cheez Whiz on crackers (both of which we bought on our trip to get the other bottle of lube). One of my favorite memories. :) Also, don't worry too much about people nearby overhearing you. They know what you're doing -- you're newlyweds! I kind of struggled with this, but honestly, it was a B&B. People go there specifically to get away and have sex. That was kind of freeing to realize!
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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby ocprincess » Sat Feb 05, 2011 5:12 am

I wish we had waited until the next day, and my husband agreed. I ended up with intense pain that lasted into the next day and made it impossible to sit up without pain -- then had to sit up for a ten hour drive. I pretty much wanted to die. Not to scare any of you (I have multiple medical factors that make sex painful, even now, almost a year later, so this won't happen to you all, most likely) -- but if you think you might have pain (and we suspected I might, due to prior issues with tampons) and you have a long journey the next day, waiting might be better.

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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby God's Geek » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:59 am

--------- BUMP ---------
Saddle up your horses, we got a trail to blaze; Through the wild blue yonder, of God's amazing grace!
Lets follow our leader, into the great unknown; This is a life like no other, this is the GREAT ADVENTURE!
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Re: Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

Postby A_Wifey » Mon Feb 23, 2015 6:15 pm

Everyone has excellent suggestions. Not much I can add really.

I would suggest a new bride have AZO handy in case she gets a UTI like I did.

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