Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby Leah » Sat Apr 13, 2013 7:19 pm

OldMarriedLady wrote:
padsnd wrote:everyone seems to be saying it was generally a wonderful time.

Uh, no, I sure didn't say that.


Me, neither.
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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby angellove » Sat Apr 13, 2013 9:40 pm

Wedding Day: Not much of what I wanted; mainly focused on him.

Wedding Night: judgment about certain things

Honeymoon: at least it was off season and there was nothing to do... (driving 3 days is a really bad way to start out marriage when one is prone to motion sickness)

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Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby padsnd » Sun Apr 14, 2013 4:32 am

poetess wrote:So why not ask the questions and see if anyone relates to them? It looks like several of us expressed sweet memories, and several more expressed some that hinted of later trouble . . . I imagine someone on here might identify if you ask what you want to ask.

OK.

Assuming the issues were relational rather than circumstantial:

* Did things change? When?
* Have you found a way to look back at those days as wonderful days?
* Do you find it difficult to relate to people talking about the "honeymoon phase" because that never really existed? For me, the past few years of sometimes steady, sometimes roller-coaster progress in the area of intimacy (especially physical) is better than anything from what was supposed to be "the honeymoon phase".
* Did you talk about these things? If so, I assume there was a major miscommunication. Was there anything that looking back you think should have been a clue that your future spouse and you were saying and understanding different things?
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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby OldMarriedLady » Sun Apr 14, 2013 9:42 am

padsnd wrote:* Did things change? When?

DH stopped smoking marijuana a year or two after we got married, when his mom found his stash when we were all at the cabin together one weekend. She read him the riot act and said she thought he had quit doing that years ago. She said "I can see why [OML] doesn't want to have your babies!" :shock: (Wow - even I thought that was a little harsh. That wasn't the reason I didn't want to have children, either.) The rest of the problems we had at that time (refusal by each of us at varying times, my inability to enjoy sex, his porn watching, etc) didn't change until about 3 years ago.
padsnd wrote:* Have you found a way to look back at those days as wonderful days?

No. I have found a way to look back at them as a pathetic joke, but for the first maybe 15 years of our marriage, the way that had all played out really upset me. I felt like he cheated me out of the kind of wedding experience I should have had and I was a little resentful. Now I just don't care, it's water under the bridge.
padsnd wrote:* Do you find it difficult to relate to people talking about the "honeymoon phase" because that never really existed?

Yes, but mainly because we'd had premarital sex so our honeymoon was nothing new or special. The only adjustment we had to make was to actually living together in the same apartment - we had never cohabited despite almost 3 years of premarital sex. I did threaten to leave once or twice the first year, because of his drinking binges and the way he behaved towards both me and his mother because of them.
padsnd wrote:* Did you talk about these things? If so, I assume there was a major miscommunication. Was there anything that looking back you think should have been a clue that your future spouse and you were saying and understanding different things?

No, we never talked about them - it was more like I complained about them and he didn't answer me. DH doesn't want to talk about sex or marriage or emotions or any of that stuff. He likes to talk about politics and guns. I had no idea how a good marriage was supposed to look so I didn't have anything to compare ours to, and I just figured it was what I'd signed on for and I'd have to live with it.

ETA: After the poop hit the fan back in 2009, DH was pretty much forced to talk about sex and marriage whether he wanted to or not. He can talk about those things now, but it's definitely not one of his favorite subjects and we only talk about it when *I* bring something up.
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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby Leah » Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:04 am

padsnd wrote:Assuming the issues were relational rather than circumstantial:

* Did things change? When?


Not really Jake still puts his priorities first in every way. Sex is at the bottom of the list.

padsnd wrote:* Have you found a way to look back at those days as wonderful days?


Not really. I would have done many things differently, including not getting married when I did.

padsnd wrote:* Do you find it difficult to relate to people talking about the "honeymoon phase" because that never really existed? For me, the past few years of sometimes steady, sometimes roller-coaster progress in the area of intimacy (especially physical) is better than anything from what was supposed to be "the honeymoon phase".


No. I understand the context of the term and have seen many examples of what it means.

[quote="padsnd']* Did you talk about these things? If so, I assume there was a major miscommunication. Was there anything that looking back you think should have been a clue that your future spouse and you were saying and understanding different things?[/quote]

We did not talk about these things before or after. It is what it is. It can't be changed now. I think a red flag was that Jake was unwilling to educate himself about sex or have conversations. I was pretty naive myself, but we could have grown together. At the time I didn't see it as a red flag because I was still under the influence of a very conservative college where sexual matters were not discussed in any detail. I think the ones who went on to have healthy sex lives were the ones whose parents had healthy sex lives. I had no parents, was very isolated throughout my life, and Jake's parents were extremely dysfunctional. We were just a train wreck waiting to happen.
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Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby Dgenerous » Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:41 pm

It is hard for me to look back, honestly. At the time I thought everything went swimmingly, relationally speaking. Now when I look back to those days and then the early years of our marriage it seems very artificial, and I struggle with feelings of betrayal. It's not really fair because I was every bit as unhealthy as DH was at the time. But I feel what I feel, right? I don't indulge it.

We've only been married eight years. I hope someday to look back fondly at these years as the "early years" of our marriage. I look forward to seeing the time we spent trapped in that very unhealthy dynamic shrink in comparison to the time we have spent loving each other better, as married believers should love one another.
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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby gymaddict » Sun Apr 14, 2013 8:12 pm

Leah.

How sad to be a lady and wife with so much to give and not be appreciated for what you bring to the table and what could be in your marriage.

Prayers tonight earnestly for you and your hubby. PT 141 may help your husband become a horny "toad" for intimacy. I have seen it touted as working on the Central nervous system to help men but I know no one who has tried it personally. I have just seen it talked about on mens' forums on the net.

Bless you and God grant you the desires of your heart.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby seeker12 » Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:36 pm

For us, the wedding day and night went well. However, the honeymoon was a disappointment for me. She was not interested in sex like I was and I soon discovered that I needed to divert my sexual energy to other things such as raising 3 daughters and remodeling our home.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby mum22 » Fri May 03, 2013 9:30 am

Wedding day: #1 cancelled shortly prior by him, very public, most humiliating period of my life. Took a couple years to get back on track, wedding day #2 only got to happen because i was too stubborn to give up and waited on him way too long. We lived together all that time so I felt committed and that it would be wrong to leave, now i believe God was giving me an out there, but i was not yet a christian so too stupid to know it. anyway, we married on our own elsewhere in secret, basically because i could not face the family circus of #1 attempt over again plus I was terrified he would cancel or not turn up and if that was happening I wasn't having it publicly . Oh man was I stupid, naive, and young.

Wedding night: dinner etc first because hotel went to a lot of trouble and were very sweet serving food and sending musicians and what not so it was sort of ages till we could be on our own. Finally they left and Time to go to bed and DH got to bathroom first, cleaned teeth etc per normal routine, head for bed. I went to bathroom and changed into something I'd brought to wear and came out. He just stared at me surprised like, oh, you want to do something, I hadn't considered that. I in return stared back in shock that tonight, our wedding night I was to be refused again, and hung my head ashamed of my ugliness, embarrassed to be standing there dressed that way and hurt that he wouldn't have even thought of it. He got sheepish and i guess to avoid an argument we ML, in those days i could shift gear in a nanosecond so quickly forgot the hurt feelings and thought it was great ML.

Honeymoon: I woke up alone the next morning, our first day married, he had a new camera he wanted to tinker with so went for a walk to take some photos of the location for me. I felt hurt to wake up alone and not know where he'd gone, naively I thought you snuggled and slept in and ML on your honeymoon. This was selfish of me to express because it was ungrateful of the effort he'd gone to to take photos whilst I got to sleep in. Needless to say, those photos are not the treasure of my honeymoon they were touted to be - ooh,heres a photo of a boarded up restaurant that hasn't opened for breakfast yet this early, oh my, be still my beating heart!
The rest of the "honeymoon" was a wonderful holiday because of the location and resort, not a proper honeymoon- in 9 days we only ML that once.

* Did things change? When?
* Have you found a way to look back at those days as wonderful days?
* Do you find it difficult to relate to people talking about the "honeymoon phase" because that never really existed? For me, the past few years of sometimes steady, sometimes roller-coaster progress in the area of intimacy (especially physical) is better than anything from what was supposed to be "the honeymoon phase".
* Did you talk about these things? If so, I assume there was a major miscommunication. Was there anything that looking back you think should have been a clue that your future spouse and you were saying and understanding different things?


Change- this stuff was a pattern over some years before the marriage (non Christians living together). I was an idiot to think they would change upon marriage, or really ever, and also I did honestly think for many years that if I loved him and if ML was wonderful when it happened then the fact that it was only every 2 months was not what you break up over. Of late, frequency has changed some, but its a discipline not a heart change or expression of desire.

Looking back: no, it still hurts. I can think it was worth it because its part of my life path that brings me here with my kids and having found God. I don't think I can ever view the experiences above as wonderful in themselves.

Relating to others: yes, it is difficult, honeymoon stereotypes, references and any phrase involving "like rabbits" aren't part of my experience so that knowing smile you're supposed to have if these things come up is hard to muster and I feel I can't contribute or fit into that discussion. I'm not in tears or need to leave or anything, I just don't feel part of that side of life, I have no reaction to that conversation.

Did we talk? No. Well Clearly I failed to mention I'd like to ML on my wedding night, that it was something to me even if we weren't virgins, and also to enjoy some reasonably frequent ML on that trip. I didn't realise it needed some kind of plan attached, I thought that's what people did and it would happen for us there because his reasons (tired, stressed, work next day, argument yesterday, concern about tomorrow, allergies, visitors, schedules... Ad nauseum) why getting to ML were such an issue wouldnt be part of that trip. And they werent. Should there have been clues? Well yes our whole life living together at that point! But I'd bought into the reasons, and reasoned it away for years - I wasn't seeing the clues that were so clearly there.
Perhaps a more useful comparison would be should I have seen any of it before we moved in together unmarried- that one's a no. That's something I've thought on a lot, he seemed keen enough prior to moving in, I'd not have been able to know from clues. But it changed immediately upon moving in, our first night sharing an apartment was the same -him heading to bed and me thinking to ML and him saying you don't want to now, surely? Well yeah, it's our first night together- what do you mean you don't?

I guess it's what's dangerous about the whole sex before marriage, live together before marriage thing- you let it all come on you gradually, there's no intentional stage like engagement or Pre marriage counselling where it makes sense to really diascuss and work on this stuff together prior to marriage. Not a Christian then, and my family aren't christians, nor close bonders or communicators in any way - I'd never heard of the concept of planning, counselling, being advised, reading books, Pre marriage courses. We basically just let it all happen on an ad hoc basis, from when we were still teenagers, there's no wisdom or intention and no predictable results in that sort of a process.
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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby tentsofpurple » Fri May 03, 2013 9:49 am

Wedding day, a bit stressed about being on time and logistics. Both my mom and best friend advised me it "wasn't too late to change my mind." I really liked the sermon our pastor gave though and I had fun at the reception.

Wedding night unfortunately we didn't wait for marriage so I wasn't excited about "the first time" and by the time we got to our destination I was exhausted so we went to sleep.

Honeymoon I had no desire for sex (which I know think was due to bcp I was taking) and we only had sex a few times (it was only a long weekend). I spent most of the time feeling guilty because I knew he was hurt.

Sometimes I really wish for a "do-over" but there are none so rather than focus on the negative I remember the positives (him with his head under my wedding dress for a few minutes as we were packing to leave in our apartment, soaking in the in suite jacuzzi tub together with him pulling the pins out of my hair, laying front of the fireplace together).

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, an Honeymoon

Postby ButterflyWings » Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:44 am

TN_Wife wrote:We had two nights together when we got married due to school--our actual honeymoon was a few months later.

We flew halfway around the world. Mine just wanted order room service and eat from the minibar. We sex once during the actual honeymoon.


:roll:

Sad we all had similar experiences that were so indicative of things to come.


sounds exactly like my honeymoon. Hubby took a massive stack of books - I'm talking somewhere between 10-20 full big novels and his computer. All he saw the honeymoon as was a holiday to be alone.

I had second degree burns from sunburn, and I had severe food poisoning (both were enough that I should have gone to hospital, and had I been in our home country, I would have). I was in agony that even the extremely strong painkillers I had with me didn't make a dint in the pain. and yet *I* was the one pursuing him sexually and he was ignoring me. Not just sexually either. I wanted to stay in our home country so we had reliable phone or internet to stay in contact with my ten year old daughter who has autism. I also wanted to stay somewhere local in case something went wrong (I have lots of health problems). But hubby wanted to go on the big fancy honeymoon overseas. Yet when we got there, he literally never wanted to leave our room - and not to be intimate with me. All he wanted to do was read and play stupid computer games.

I slept anywhere between 12-18 hours a days I was so sick and in so much pain as well as being so run down from planning the wedding on my own (he was on in another state til a few days before the wedding and when he got into town, he grumbled about doing the slightest little thing, so I did it all - I suffer from fibromyalgia, so I need at least 10 hours sleep a night minimum to be able to function - every single night the week before the wedding, I got roughly 4 hours sleep, and the night before the wedding stayed up doing things that he could have done in ten minutes but that took me and my maid of honour hours - busted computer, trying to print orders of services, place cards and other things - he could have done it in ten minutes on the computer where he was staying but he wanted to have an early night so he would be "refreshed" for our wedding day). So imagine my frustrating to sleep at least 12 hours a day on the honeymoon (while he slept around 6 hours a day), and yet the minimum 6 hours a day that he could have played computer games and read his books wasn't enough for him, that he had to do it when I was awake too - or spend the whole 12+ hours I slept gaming, and then go to sleep as soon as I got up.

Yes, I was really looking forward to going overseas (despite my fears of health problems and issues with not being able to keep in good contact with my daughter), and I was looking forward to exploring the beautiful tropical island we went to. My husband had talked about all the wonderful activities he planned for us to do... and then we get there and he just hides in our room and ignores me. Next to no sex (3 or 4 times, I think 3, in the entire 15 days we were overseas) and him refusing to go out and do anything with me. Even on our last day when he finally came out with me, he humiliated me in front of dozens of other people by paying the expensive fee to get into the place we went to - and then refusing to participate in what we had paid all our money to do. Thankfully between the mud baths and hot springs I could hide my tears, but the constant questions about "why is your husband snubbing everyone and why did he bother coming" really hurt - because everything they said about him was true. I made excuses for him, defending him, but having to do that just hurt even more.

It was so hard because I KNOW what a honeymoon is supposed to be like. This is the second time I got married, and for all his faults, my first husband gave us the best honeymoon we could have with next to no money. I can remember skipping food one day because we had to wait til the next day for our pays to go through. And yet he made it special - taking me out places, even though many were free. And we had sex 4-6 times every single day of our honeymoon. Even when he stupidly invited his sister and her husband and kids to join us half way through the week (very unromantic and inappropriate) and were sharing a small one bedroom unit (us having the bedroom, them sleeping on a pull out couch), we still managed that much sex on our honeymoon.

I was shocked by my second husband's total lack of desire - for sex and to spend time with me. And it seriously damaged our marriage to the point where we're only just starting to recover from it now. I can understand the lack of sex is a physical problem (despite him frustratingly refusing to get treatment for it), but the total avoidance of spending any time doing anything with me was just plain selfishness on his part, bordering on cruelty - especially the deliberately staying up all night while I slept and then going to bed in the morning as soon as I got up.

But we are starting to heal from it although I think it will always hurt a little as a honeymooon is something you can't just do over.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby mamame » Tue Jun 04, 2013 12:12 pm

Not particularly great memories. We were already having sex so that wasn't anything to get excited about. Family taking bets at the reception about how long we would stay married (money was on less than a year) my parents were recently divorced and I wasn't speaking to my mother so that made for some nice awkwardness. I felt like everything was a compromise. Nothing was what I really wanted but my dad thought it was foolish to spend money on a wedding. I didn't want anything elaborate but I wished the overall theme wasn't "this will do".

Honeymoon was nice and simple. We loved being able to say husband and wife.

My best memory was climbing into our bed when we returned home and knowing it was ok to be there.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby ButterflyWings » Tue Jun 04, 2013 12:14 pm

padsnd wrote:Assuming the issues were relational rather than circumstantial:

* Did things change? When?
* Have you found a way to look back at those days as wonderful days?
* Do you find it difficult to relate to people talking about the "honeymoon phase" because that never really existed? For me, the past few years of sometimes steady, sometimes roller-coaster progress in the area of intimacy (especially physical) is better than anything from what was supposed to be "the honeymoon phase".
* Did you talk about these things? If so, I assume there was a major miscommunication. Was there anything that looking back you think should have been a clue that your future spouse and you were saying and understanding different things?


Things have slightly improved - we sometimes manage to have sex twice a week. After the honeymoon, we had two days together before he had to head home interstate and he would be back after 6 weeks to stay with me for three weeks at christmas before helping me move to be where he lived. What hurt was after the last 10 days (out of 15) of the honeymoon with no sex at all (come to think of it was definitely 3 times not 4 in total in the whole 15 days), we got back home, and he wanted to leave for 6 weeks without having sex one last time before he left. I basically demanded he do it but it hurt that I had to.

After christmas, we then spent another month apart due to complications with moving. Since we finally managed to start living together in february, it was around once a week at best until we finally went to see a counsellor I think in April, and despite her wrongly saying there is nothing wrong with once a week or less, things did pick up to twice a week sometimes since. He even has initiated a few times.

I do know exactly what the honeymoon phase is - I had that with my first husband. He acted like a wonderful mam, and then became a violent abusive monster when the honeymoon period wore off a few months into our marriage. I love how my second husband is stable and reliable and what you see is what you get, that he won't suddenly change into a worse person after some honeymoon period wears off, but I thought at least our real honeymoon would be a honeymoon period. Not the miserable hell it was. Things are improving overall, but I really struggle with his selfishness and thoughtlessness. I don't blame him for it - he does have aspergers, I was his first girlfriend, he's never lived with a girl even as friends other than his sisters who are basically recluses due to health problems. And he spent the three years before we were married living entirely alone after he moved interstate for work. Other than work and bible and study and church, he rarely went out, he doesn't socialise and even at church and bible study he barely talks to people. Because of his aspergers and shyness he has very poor social skills and has never had to do anything about it until he got married - he could hide away from the world and did whatever he pleased whenever he pleased. Even in his job, it's flexible so he turns up when he likes, goes home when likes, and takes days off when he likes.

I love him to bits and he's trying very hard, but his life was the very epitome of doing as he pleases, and it was a rude shock to suddenly have a wife and child in his life and he still often forgets us when he makes decision. He is improving though. Counselling would help him if he'd admit his aspergers is the problem, but he won't. Marriage counselling has helped somewhat but he also needs counselling/therapy for how to interact with people. But I know he is trying to improve.

Was there major miscommunication? it depends on your definition of "miscommunication". All the counsellors we've been to and friends and family have said it was abundantly clear what I was saying, but he just wasn't listening. He still doesn't listen to me on many things. He has many wonderful qualities but his major flaw is he is arrogant. He thinks he's smarter than me (even though my IQ is actually higher than his, I have more degrees than he does, as well as more other education and my education is more well rounded where is his is in a very narrow field) and he thinks he knows everything. I am a nurse, with previous degrees in psychology and biomedical science. Plus I keep up with the latest health research in many fields as a hobby/self interest because 1. I find it fascinating and 2. I have many health problems and want to find best treatments. He is an IT guy - with no background in health at all in any way. Yet he thinks he knows more about health issues than I do (we still disagree about his low testosterone - he is adamant he couldn't possibly have it when even a blind person could see he does). I'll ask him to do things eg when my daughter called from school to say she'd left her project at home, I begged him to call her back to find out exactly what her project was so he could take it to her (because I couldn't). she'd call me and ask where it was, I'd ask him to call her back and find out what it was to take it to her. After two hours of begging, he finally said he took it to her. I came home later and then found half her project still sitting at home. I asked him why he hadn't taken it to her - he said because he didn't know it was part of her project and then proceeded to blame me because I hadn't told him what the pieces of her project were that he needed to take - this is despite me saying well over a dozen times that I did not know what she wanted and that he needed to call her back and ask her - and quite simply if he'd stop to think about it and not just arrogantly assumed, he'd have realised her project book was part of her project. But there was none of what I'd call "miscommunication" as I had said over and over and over that he needed to call her to find out what she needed that I did not know. Not calling her back, assuming he knew what she wanted, ignoring what I asked a dozen times, was rude and arrogant but I could understand - but to attack me for not "communicating" to him what my daughter needed? to me, that's not miscommunication.

Particularly the first counsellor we went to, an elder and his wife from the church my husband grew up in, unfortunately they understood all too well what our marriage problems were - they'd seen him grow up, the elder had even been one of his teachers at university so understood all too well what I was saying about how you can communicate a message to my husband in a thousand different ways and he'll still ignore it and go off and do his own thing because he thinks he knows better. to me "miscommunication" is a two way thing versus just purely not listening to your spouse is a one way thing that only the person not listening can fix. He also has a habit of saying he'll do things and not going through with them (eg all the promises of doing fun stuff on our honeymoon).

Again, all of these have got somewhat better, but they are still causing serious problems and we're still going to marriage counselling for them.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby Issachar » Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:52 am

Wedding day: Busy and slightly stressful. I wasn't in love, but had persuaded myself this was "the right thing to do." I remember getting into the limo to go from the church to the reception, and having a few panicked moments where I thought to myself: "Oh god, what have you done? There's no going back now. Now you're stuck FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE." And then: "Be calm, keep going, stay on the path. Things will be okay."

Wedding night: DW was nervous and timid even about being naked together. That provided me with a reason to put off consummating the marriage for a night. I actually don't even remember our first time. DW thinks it was on the second night, and I think it was maybe a couple of days later, when we were on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon: A fun two-week vacation touring around Germany and Austria by car. I think we had sex once, but I don't remember the details, only that it was awkward. Almost everything else about the trip was fun, and a source of fond memories for both of us.

Did anything change? I dunno. It turned out DW has some form of vulvodynia, and that plus a raft of lesser issues have kept us from ever having much of a sexual relationship. I wish I could say the rest of our marriage is positive, but I think it's closer to "tolerable". We're both more mature and have gotten rid of some of our bad behaviors. We can talk to each other safely. I think we're both sort of quietly managing our own individual hurts. We'd probably benefit a lot from marriage counseling.
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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby blushingbride2 » Wed Jul 24, 2013 8:31 am

Wedding day was lovely....We were very rushed, but I knew without a doubt that I was doing the right thing UNTIL

THE WEDDING NIGHT...one of the worst, most confusing, heartbreaking nights of my life. I went to put on my chaste, white gown (hoping he would rip it off of me) ;). My darling groom proceeded to turn over and go to sleep. I cried most of the night, I certainly didn't get much sleep. He woke up the next morning and made a feeble attempt at making love, but I couldn't even feel anything due to being numb.

The honeymoon....we didn't really have one other than staying where we got married for a couple more days. It was not a good start, I tried to overcome my hurt and disappointment, but didn't do a very good job of it. Its just one of those days I'll never get back for a do over unfortunately.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby On track » Wed Jul 24, 2013 9:03 am

Wedding - Low key and perfect. Happiest day of my life. Dh enjoyed it too (other than getting his picture made :lol:)

Wedding night - Wonderful. I was a bit shy, but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and dh was wonderful.

Honeymoon - Short but wonderful.

This was an incredibly happy time for both of us.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby Lemonhead » Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:45 pm

Wedding day: Brilliant day, I was so racked with nerves all day, but DW was calm and just took it in her stride. Everything was perfect apart from our wedding DJ being a washout with not bringing the right equipment and restarting the song for our first dance 3 times.

Wedding night: Due to not wanting DW to suffer on our wedding night we had already ML before (mixed blessings, our first time physically hurt her which is exactly what we wanted to avoid, but at same time would have been nice to lose virginity that night, I had previous sexual relationships before meeting DW) . We shared a bath together for the first ti,e and ML several times before collapsing.

Honeymoon: woke up next morning for a quick ML session and then had breakfast in bed, were then seen off by our parents and close friends as we started our travels, first stop was overnight in a London airport hotel where we hardly left the room, followed by a week in the sun where we explored lots but quickly fell out of the way of ML as much.


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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby C_Brown » Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:52 pm

Wedding Day: a bit hectic before things got started, after that it was pretty easy going. It was mainly just family and a few close friends at the wedding because we got married at a location that was special to us but some distance from where we lived. After the wedding we did the photos, her mom was the photographer and it was relaxed and not rushed. Then we had a luncheon for just the family members then we drove off into the afternoon sun. The reception was the next day but we had a long drive to get there.

Wedding Night:
We were both a little road weary. We knew we were going to be stopping for the night along the way but we weren't exactly sure where so we didn't book a room anywhere. We wound up staying at a Marriott but the honeymoon suite wasn't available so we just got a regular room which was fine with us since we would have to just leave in the morning anyway. We knelt together and prayed as husband and wife for the first time, then made love. It wasn't great sex by today's standards but it wasn't a failure either. We were both virgins so it was the best sex we ever had.

Honeymoon:
She started her period the day after we began our honeymoon, so there wasn't any sex, but it was nice to just be with her and not have to part when evening came. We didn't have a schedule but we had a list of things we wanted to see and do so we just went about that without hurry or stress.
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing -- Yvaine (in the movie Stardust)

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Jul 24, 2013 8:46 pm

Wedding Day: Stressful. Hectic. Said our vows. Left the church with the DH being mad because of the "decorating" of his pick-up. (Which the shaving cream forever ruined the paint job.) If I could do it again, a probably would just elope.

Wedding Night: Exhausted. Pressured. The actual act, not real memorable.

Honeymoon: What honeymoon? We had two nights, and then it was back to college. (Which I will add, this is one of my DH's biggest regrets.)
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Re: Wedding Day, Wedding Night, and Honeymoon

Postby Job29Man » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:05 am

Hmmm... a trip down Memory Lane! It was all pretty good. But remember, we were a very deliberate/intentional couple, with two years of courtship behind us and many, many hours of discussion about marriage, sex, children, the whole deal. Our engagement lasted only 6 weeks. We were ready for marriage. We didn't hyper plan anything, just made simple arrangements for wedding and honeymoon. In our case I suppose it was even simpler because there was no contraception to fiddle around with.

Wedding Day: Wedding was for 1pm. I rose early, read the Word, ate breakfast, and went to the gym to work out. Came home about 10 am then went for a swim in my parents' pool, sunbathed, relaxed. Got together with my brothers, grabbed our tuxes and headed for the Church facility. Got dressed there, hung out together and waited for things to begin. I saw that her family was busily preparing the Wedding Reception feast. Wedding went pretty much according to plans, very little stress. First I saw Sarah was when she walked down the aisle on her father's arm. She was wearing my mother's wedding dress. She had a beaming smile that literally shone through her veil. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever, ever seen! My heart just about pounded through my chest! During wedding service we took communion before we had our first married kiss. Photographs afterwards took way too long. Reception was awesome! Everyone had a great time and fellowship. (There was no alcohol, no band. But it was a hoot with an "open-mic" time. Lots of good wishes, and some teasing and roasting.) Many Africans were there to honor her parents. They were sponsored into America by my wife's family to escape communist oppression. Also a number of Asians and Middle Easterners were there. It had a real World Reunion flavor. We made the rounds of all the tables to meet and greet while the guests feasted. The busyness of the wedding day was bearable because we kept the perspective that weddings are for the family and community as much as they are for the couple. Except for the cake, we ourselves forgot to eat, so we stopped at McDonald's drive through and got McRib sandwiches on the 3 hour drive to the hotel on the coast.

Wedding Night: Didn't rush things. Arrived hotel about sunset. I carried her over the threshhold. Stayed dressed. Had light snacks (sparkling cider). We kissed a bit. Before intimacy I read from Song of Songs in the Bible. We prayed together that God would bless our marriage and be honoring to Him. We took our time. I praised her beauty and told her several times that she was stunning, the most beautiful woman on earth. Lots of foreplay, to O for her. Had intercourse once before bedtime, some other activities in the middle of the night. Knowing what we know now, we'd rate the excellence of the sex (of the first 3 days) at about a 2. :lol: But the memory of it and the thrill of it at that time was a definite 10 for both of us! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Honeymoon: We spent 2 weeks traveling simply in southern California, staying in very modest motels, and even with dear friends for 2 nights (towards the end). Not much experimentation, just enjoying the wonderful world of exploring each other. Sex kept improving, little by little, as she began to get more comfortable. We had something "non-sex" to do each day (Sea World, San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, restaurants). But we did the whole honeymoon on about $1,200. One day I rented a sailboat and took her out on the bay.

Returned home to a "Welcome Back" picnic by a lake, thrown by family and friends. I remember the look on Sarah's face as she greeted her sisters in Christ (friends from our college fellowship). They all gathered around her and buzzed excitedly. I left them alone for "girl talk." But Sarah's look was one of modesty and a healthy pride (all at once) at being a "wife" now, a "married woman."

Overall, our wedding and honeymoon were simple and not expensive. They are positive memories now. We took our time to build our marriage on the Rock, and the Wedding/Honeymoon reflected that. It set the tone for the rest our our marriage.
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.


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