Birth Control Options when going off pill

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
sunshine_girl
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Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby sunshine_girl » Thu Mar 13, 2014 4:55 pm

Hello All! I'm new here and I'm sure someone has asked a similar question before , so I apologize if I'm being redundant!

My FH and I are getting married in a few months. I have just started the pill because my periods are somewhat irregular and we wanted to at least be sure I won't be on my period during our honeymoon. We're both virgins, but are both in the medical field so probably are a little more knowledgeable than your average virgins and we've been discussing our thoughts and opinions on this for a while, but still haven't been able to decide

We are seriously considering going off of the pill after our honeymoon. I'm not a fan of putting extra hormones in my body and I've heard many times that the pill can really decrease my sex drive, which I'd love to avoid and I'm sure my FH would too. ;) I'm on a combination pill currently which is a lot less likely to cause a "little abortion" than the mini pills, but I still don't love the idea of the pill and my FH doesn't either. If we end up using condoms or a cervical cap, etc we'd like to just say on the pill until we figure out exactly what we like and how to use them. My FH considers himself very self-controlled and says he won't have a problem with pulling out, etc, but I just can imagine that being frustrating. Does anyone have thoughts/advice about the pulling out method? Is it as frustrating as it sounds? What about using a cervical cap/diaphragm? I believe I read these need to be in place a few hours before sex which also doesn't sound like it allows for the spontaneity that we'd like. And lastly, what about the good old condoms? I know that no type of BC is ideal and they all have their inconveniences, but I guess I'd just love a little advice from those with experience! :)

And as a side question, with the pill not being there to regulate my period, I'd be curious how other women handle this! Has anyone tried natural family planning, despite an irregular period? I don't want to be constantly wondering if my period is just irregular or if it's late due to pregnancy! I adore babies but of course we'd like to wait a bit!

Thanks ahead of time for advice :)

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby happilymarriedkate » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:44 pm

Hello. Welcome to the TMB and congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I was on the Pill for the first 9 months of our marriage. DH and I decided I would go off for two reasons: 1. Side effects (I was getting frequent headaches) and 2. Ethical reasons re: prevention of implantation of a fertilized egg. We then switched to condoms which we used from 1993-2002. We had 3 children, each 3 years apart (96, 99 amd 2002) and then had a tubal during my last (scheduled) c section in 2002. We have never, in 22 years of marriage, used the pull out method. Neither of us like the idea of DH interrupting LM to pull out. I think that the trick to using condoms effectively is to find ones that fit well and to use them every time. I think that birth control is such a personal choice that can be different for every couple. It is definitely an area for which I would recommended seeking God's will for your MB.
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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby beautyfromashes » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:48 pm

I have irregular periods and we've tracked my cycle for a few years now. Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. The website tcoyf.com also has tons of great info!

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby George B. » Fri Mar 14, 2014 2:52 am

beautyfromashes wrote:I have irregular periods and we've tracked my cycle for a few years now. Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. The website tcoyf.com also has tons of great info!

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We concur with this. It worked great for us, especially when we used the computer program. That, and making sure you find properly fitting condoms (lots of sample packs available online from different vendors like condomdepot and condommania) so that it's good for him and you (one size does NOT fit all, plus a proper fit is essential for it being effective birth control and pleasurable). We're big proponents of FAM and condoms during fertile times. Worked great for us for 17 years.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby ledgemoor » Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:34 am

Welcome and congratulations!

We used a diaphragm for a year or two, and liked it until dw started getting allergic reactions to the spermacide.

It may be inserted immediately before sex, but must remain in for several hours AFTERWARDS.

There is a custom-molded cervical cap that does not require spermacide and was quite effective. Not everyone can be fitted. Dw could not.

There is some evidence that a diaphragm without spermacide is effective. I wouldn't trust it, but used in conjunction with FAM or withdrawl, what's the harm?

Only time will tell if your husband has enough self-control to pull out. The sexual experience varies so much. Sometimes it is a more physical experience with focus on pleasure. Other times it is intensely emotional in which you have virtually no control over what you're doing.

Regardless, withdrawing is problematic. Preejaculate contains some sperm, so it is not foolproof. And while he probably will have the presence of mind to pull out, ejaculation while in the vagina is the most pleasurable part of sex for the man. I would be concerned that if withdrawl is used regularly, sex may not create the bond that God intended.

We used condoms successfully for years. However, they are an emotional barrier for me. I couldn't wait until she had her period to have my penis actually touching her.

One time we had been separated for a month. When she returned, we had an accidental pregnancy using a condom because I failed to pull out before I got soft, and it came off inside her.

Anyway, all the best whatever you do!
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby George B. » Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:44 am

A couple of notes:

Preejaculate does NOT contain sperm--not in a healthy man whose system is working correctly and who hasn't ejaculated very recently. Scientific studies have recently disproved the common belief that there is sperm in preejaculate.

We used withdrawal for years. We'd have bareback sex during fertile times and then slip on a condom when it was time to finish. No accidental pregnancies resulted from this and we had sex often and are very fertile normally. It requires a LOT of control on the man's part (kegels help a lot with maintaining control and being aware of impending ejaculation), however.

The only time we got pregnant using a condom was when we were using lamb skins and got one that was way too short but used it anyway and it overflowed. In general, with the right brand and fit, we had no problems at all and this was over 17 years of marriage.

Note: I speak about these things in past tense because I had a vasectomy a couple of years ago.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby ledgemoor » Fri Mar 14, 2014 9:59 pm

George, I was in error about pre-ejaculate containing sperm. Thanks for the correction and for educating me.
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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby George B. » Sat Mar 15, 2014 1:02 am

ledgemoor wrote:George, I was in error about pre-ejaculate containing sperm. Thanks for the correction and for educating me.


No problem. It's a common misconception. :grin:
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby tentsofpurple » Sat Mar 15, 2014 8:31 am

I have irregular periods and we've tracked my cycle both to avoid and conceive for several years. I was on bcp and the patch for several years after we got married but it killed my libido and make me feel really nauseated once a month.

We don't use condoms my dh just pulls out during my fertile times so it can be done. We tried condoms but once we went without we couldn't stand going back to them, dh would rather have pulled out than use one. That being said I don't think he would have had the self control (or even known his body well enough) to be able to do that in the beginning after we got married. His orgasm often "snuck up on him" more back then even when he was trying to prolong it. That might be something that takes some "practice" to achieve so you might want a back up method at first (diaphragm, condoms) especially while you are still learning to track your cycles.

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby facingeast » Sat Mar 15, 2014 8:44 pm

At this time we are using the pull out method. We do have condoms in the night stand. I like the feel of natural. I have never O from PIV so I don't know what I'm missing.
I agree with tentsofpurple that it takes control and knowing your body for the guy to be able to pull out in time.
I took the birth control the first 5 or 6 years of our marriage and I was tired of it so decided it's his turn to handle the birth control.

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby Job29Man » Sun Mar 16, 2014 4:40 am

My thoughts are that just avoiding your period on your honeymoon is not a good reason to go on hormonal bc. If I were you I'd dc it stat. Take at least two weeks for your honeymoon and you'll be fine. You'll be dealing with periods for many years of marriage anyway. BTW a diaphragm will hold back a light to medium flow for enough time to have sex without too much mess. Couples have been marrying with unpredictable periods for millennia and it all works out.

Please don't go on the pill for such a light and transitory reason. I don't think it's in your interest.
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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Mar 16, 2014 6:35 am

Job, I agree in principle. Not everyone can swing a 2-week honeymoon, but sex during her period is no big deal imo. We started with a diaphragm and it worked fine for birth control. Dw's period didn't come during our honeymoon.

However, in light of the fact that she is already on the pill, based on my experience, I would just stay on it until after the honeymoon. It took over a year before it started affecting DW's libido.

There is something to be said for not having her period, and zero risk of pregnancy, and not having to mess with diaphragms, condoms etc. while learning.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby Job29Man » Sun Mar 16, 2014 10:19 am

Wedding is over 4 months away. That's 4 months of hormones she could keep out of her body. Others here have told of bad effects In less time than your case. In life whenever one can avoid drugs, IMHO one should.
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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby George B. » Sun Mar 16, 2014 11:07 am

Job29Man wrote:Wedding is over 4 months away. That's 4 months of hormones she could keep out of her body. Others here have told of bad effects In less time than your case. In life whenever one can avoid drugs, IMHO one should.


I agree. My DW showed bad effects from the Pill much sooner than one year.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby sunshine_girl » Sun Mar 16, 2014 3:26 pm

I appreciate all of the feedback. When I originally asked this question, I did not see the Birth Control section in the married area, so I hadn't gotten to read about any of the experiences you all have had. FH and I are going to be praying about it, and will certainly consider going off the pill earlier. Honestly, I think we're leaning towards FAM with condoms or a diaphragm when needed. We both really do want to honor the Lord and make wise decisions from the get-go in our marriage, hence me asking these questions to you all!

Have many people had good experiences with the use of spermicide in combination with other methods? I ask because if we go off the pill before we get married, I'm a bit worried about the process of learning these different birth control techniques while we're also learning how to be intimate, haha. Any advice in that regard?

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Mar 16, 2014 4:22 pm

We used spermacide with our diaphragm of course.

Diaphragms are very easy to use. Put some in the dome and smear some around the rim. Insert it and push it back a bit and it snaps into place. If you can feel it, it isn't positioned properly. It's pretty goof proof. Even I could do it!

The spermacide tastes and smells bad. Clean up with a washcloth after insertion, and it isn't bad.

It needs to stay in place after sex, for 8 hours as I recall. If you want to do it again before the time is up, you inject more spermacide using the provided tool.

Removal is more difficult than insertion, but was never a problem for us. There is a tool provided for removal, but we never used it. Just hook a finger over the rim and pull it out. Wash and dry and it is ready to go again. Ours was latex rubber. I think they make silicon ones now -- that would be the way to go I would think. More durable, and latex has this odor to it.

DW developed a sensitivity to the spermicide so we quit using it. There are now alternatives to the common Nonoxynol-9 spermicide.
http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/are-ther ... spermicide
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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby TilWeHaveFaces » Mon Mar 17, 2014 10:22 am

We used FAM successfully for about 12 years. If you use both temperatures and internal observations cross-referenced, it seems 100% effective, even with irregular periods. (And it seems like you're scientifically-minded enough to chart consistently.) There are only about 10 fertile days, max, in a 28-32 day cycle, and even those vary in terms of degree. Once you learn your body's signs, you can either avoid those or use barrier methods.

Fwiw, we had five pregnancies (three live births) in that 12-year span, but even the pregnancies that were "accidents" happened when I knew we were taking a calculated risk. (i.e. if we had been following FAM to the letter we would have either avoided intercourse or used a condom.)

Hope that helps!

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby LifeAbundantly » Fri Sep 12, 2014 7:57 am

Hey, this thread seems dormant but I wanted to make sure anyone new reading it is aware of the method my FH and I have discovered! Obviously, we're not married yet so we don't know how it will work but I have friends who have used this method most effectively!!!

SO. It's called a fertility monitor! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000NOKX4Q They are a bit spendy but I think well worth it!!! The lady takes her temperature every morning and the machine is able to tell when you're fertile/infertile/or on your period. What this does is it takes the GUESS WORK out of the equation, AND the awkward questions (Hubby can check the machine himself to see if you're fertile and it can accurately predict for 24hrs!) .

For fertile times, you still have to use a BC method (probably condoms for us!), but it means you have a whole WEEK of non-period/non-fertile and hence non-condom days per a cycle!!! This is definitely a plus for those of us who neither want to be on a pill--or perpetually using condoms. :-) I highly recommend it. Get it a few months before the wedding so you can start tracking/the machine can get to know your personal cycle. :-)

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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby platypusofdeath » Tue Sep 16, 2014 7:02 pm

I'll add to the OP that pulling out: 1) doesn't work, and 2) will ruin your sexytimes.
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Re: Birth Control Options when going off pill

Postby gorf321 » Wed Sep 17, 2014 6:10 am

sunshine_girl wrote:. My FH considers himself very self-controlled and says he won't have a problem with pulling out, etc,



I don't doubt that he has the best of intentions. But trust me, he IS going to have a problem pulling out.

That's just the way male physiology is designed to ensure survival of the species. We have this overwhelming, insatiable
urge to ejaculate inside our DW's vagina. And at the moment of truth we are overwhelmed by feelings and our brain
pretty much shuts down. Our reflex is to thrust as deep as we can so that the sperm gets delivered in the ideal spot
next to the cervix.

I would not rely on him pulling out for birth control. Likely he will at some point fail in this, and it will make him
feel very guilty if you become unwillingly pregnant.


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