Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
ledgemoor
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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby ledgemoor » Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:09 pm

Alegria, can you provide a link or more info on the natural spermicide? No longer an issue for us :-), but it may help someone else, and I'm curious!

Thanks.
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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby alegria_joy » Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:46 pm

ledgemoor wrote:Alegria, can you provide a link or more info on the natural spermicide? No longer an issue for us :-), but it may help someone else, and I'm curious!

Thanks.


Sure. We used Contragel Green, which is only available in the US where you can find someone who's purchased a shipment from Canada or England. I did a bunch of research on it before jumping in, and it is perfectly safe to use, but is not available in the US primarily because it is not as strong as the stuff you get here. It is not recommended as a spermicide to be used without condoms/diaphragms/cervical caps, because it does not act as quickly as the detergent-based nonoxynol spermicides that are the only regulated type in the US. Here's the site for it - http://buycontragel.com/ but to purchase in the US, I had to use a seller on Ebay (I found one that had excellent reviews and posted info on the batch and expiration dates of what they were selling.) I loved using the stuff; absolutely none of the problems that I had with ordinary spermicide, and the lactic acid base means it's slightly sweet smelling and somewhat lemon-tasting, which my DH didn't mind a bit when he accidentally came across a bit of it.

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:38 am

Cool. Thanks for the info. I wish it had been available 30 years ago, it would have greatly improved our sex lives :D !

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby Georgia Belle » Thu Jun 12, 2014 10:20 am

No trouble transitioning. Have you heard of Encare ? You place it inside and it melts and then you have IC. Might be worth a try as well. Might take a few BC options for honeymoon. Congrats ! Also I second learning about when you ovulate, it's great for preventing pregnancy and also conceiving !

chachacha

Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby chachacha » Sat Jun 14, 2014 7:44 am

Thanks everyone! I have an appointment with the gyno the first part of next month; I can present a lot of what I learned then and ask more specific questions then. I feel wierd about stretching myself beforehand - but not about having my husband inside of me - that probably sounds odd, but for some reason that's how I feel. (Strange, I know.) I'll do it though if she recommends it. A month should be enough time, I'm thinking, to at least stretch myself a little if that will help.

Now for some specific responses :)

Georgia Belle - No, I've never heard of encare. I'm going to look into that. I think for the honeymoon we are going to stick to condoms unless my gyno says something different. I've been starting to track my cycle - and will definitely start tracking ovulation as well.

Ledgemoor - thanks for info on the natural spermacide. I check that out also.

alegria joy - thanks for sharing your experiences. I haven't thought about the diaphragm yet, but might a little later on. We've talked in some detail about sex already - but I'm expecting that as we get closer and closer, we will talk about it more. I appreciate your responses - especially since you were both virgins in your 30s. That's pretty cool!

girliegirl - thanks for the tip about the "Just for us" time ... I'm planning the schedule and will include it there. I think we'll need it!

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Jun 14, 2014 6:51 pm

The credit for info on the natural spermicide goes to Alegra Joy.

I can't recommend condoms for the honeymoon -- too much room for cockpit error in the heat of things. I see he has had sex before, but still, it's been a while, and never with you. For me, it really detracts from the emotional connection. We used the diaphragm for our honeymoon and for a few years thereafter until she started getting sensitive to the Nonoxyl-9 spermicide. But while it worked it worked great. Next to the pill it is probably the method that interferes with the sex act the least.

Don't wait any longer to discuss this with your fiancée. Also, I went with mine to the premarital gyn appointment -- It is a shared responsibility. I didn't go in the room for the exam because we weren't married, but I do now.

Allegra, I have read about people using the diaphragm without any spermicide at all, and claim it works fine. There haven't been any real studies on it that I am aware of. I wouldn't try it if I were you, but thought it was interesting. There are or were cervical caps, some of which were custom-molded using techniques used by dentists to fit dentures. They fit tightly around the cervix and are designed to be used without spermicide. DW tried to get fitted with one, but they could not fit her.
Last edited by ledgemoor on Sun Jun 15, 2014 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby alegria_joy » Sat Jun 14, 2014 9:18 pm

Ledgemoor - Yeah, I could see that working with a custom-fit diaphragm. However, since we are now trying to have a baby, it's going to be a while before we need birth control again!

chachacha - glad to be of any help. Please feel free to PM me any specific questions you want...not that I know any more than the rest of the folks here, but it's just very fresh in my mind since our wedding was less than nine months ago. =) Oh! One particular piece of advice someone gave me - you might actually find yourself feeling motion sickness from sex, at first, especially if your husband is good at long periods of thrusting before he orgasms. The seasick feeling did not happen to me the first couple of days of our honeymoon, but it did a few other times that week, and I'm really glad I knew it could happen from my internal organs not being used to the rocking. Otherwise I would have worried I was coming down with something. It was a mild symptom for me; I didn't actually get nauseated badly, but it was noticeable enough that I was glad to know what it was from.

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby God's Geek » Sun Jun 15, 2014 6:12 am

Re: motion sickness
Ginger is a natural remedy for motion sickness. Find some ginger candy and have one or two prior to "activities."


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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby Joeswifeykins1 » Sun Jun 15, 2014 1:44 pm

I had a lot of apprehensions along the same lines as you expressed, as my DH and I were 100% abstinent virgins prior to the wedding day. We never even kissed at all; I remember being alone after the ceremony the first time we had full body contact it was like a big *sigh* went up from my heart. Such a sweet relief! Also the sexual transition was the easiest thing ever. As mentioned previously, perfectly natural; just "felt right".

I was not sore vaginally after penetration. I was sore like, in the inner thigh muscles. Places you don't think you will be! Also, had bruised lips before the honeymoon was over! :lol: So funny. It'll be great.

Echo the same warning as has been given as far as hormonal BC.

Best Wishes!

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby ledgemoor » Sun Jun 15, 2014 2:51 pm

alegria_joy wrote:Oh! One particular piece of advice someone gave me - you might actually find yourself feeling motion sickness from sex, at first, especially if your husband is good at long periods of thrusting before he orgasms.

Note to the OP. Don't get your hopes up about this happening, at least at first!
::rotfl
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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby alegria_joy » Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:32 am

ledgemoor wrote:
alegria_joy wrote:Oh! One particular piece of advice someone gave me - you might actually find yourself feeling motion sickness from sex, at first, especially if your husband is good at long periods of thrusting before he orgasms.

Note to the OP. Don't get your hopes up about this happening, at least at first!
::rotfl


Ha! That's what EVERYONE told me before our wedding...and then my DH was good to go for so long (yes, even our very first time) that my upper legs were giving out before he was even near done. And I was in good shape and had been hiking miles nearly every weekend for months.


...point being, Chachacha, that you'll probably want to take all advice with a grain of salt. It's going to be so cool for you and your new husband to find out what YOUR experience is...and try not to be surprised if it's not exactly like anyone else's!

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby alegria_joy » Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:38 am

Joeswifeykins1 wrote:I was not sore vaginally after penetration. I was sore like, in the inner thigh muscles. Places you don't think you will be! Also, had bruised lips before the honeymoon was over! :lol: So funny. It'll be great.


:D Yep. =) The last day of our honeymoon was on a Sunday and we decided to find a little local church to attend (we were out in the middle of nowhere at a cabin), but realized as we were getting dressed that morning that we both had hickeys galore on our necks...which is why I ended up wearing a scarf up to my chin even though it was nearly eighty degrees out. DH's collar and tie covered most of his up... We didn't know whether to be proud or embarrassed. We didn't even kiss each other's necks before the wedding, so it was a new consideration we hadn't, um, considered. :lol:

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby Joeswifeykins1 » Fri Jun 20, 2014 9:45 am

Also I forgot: I did develop a really nasty UTI after our honeymoon; no one warned about that, so your steps to prevent/treat are wise!

chachacha

Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby chachacha » Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:05 am

I want to thank everyone for all of the good advice! It helped so much! I'm getting married in a week. This morning, I got last of my lingerie and am putting the finishing touches on my honeymoon chest. (Yay!!!!). I've been to the gynocologist and we talked about family planning and scheduled follow up appointments. I'm taking prenatal vitamins and we've started talking about ovulation. My husband and I will be using condoms and dong the family planning/rhythm method until we are ready to try for kids, which will be a little after we marry.

My fiance and I are as prepared as we can be. We've gone through premarital counseling, financial counseling, we have a marriage mentor couple. We've talked through so much and prayed a lot. We've prepared for our marriage - we've been doing that for over a year - well before we even started planning the wedding. As far as the wedding and honeymoon - we budgeted and paid for everything ourselves. Everything is paid for - we are debt free!

So, I feel ready to start our marriage. I want to thank everyone again - I am so incredibly thankful for all of your advice - this board and site really helped me! I"m blessed!

chachacha

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby Nvr2Late » Fri Aug 08, 2014 1:15 pm

God's richest blessings on your wedding and the beginning of your new life together!
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chachacha

Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby chachacha » Fri Aug 22, 2014 3:45 pm

This is my final update for this thread. I'm writing it primarily because there might be other people who are virgins and who are marrying - and they might be following this thread. They might be worried about the honeymoon, about transitions, and the like.

I am now married and have returned from the honeymoon. The wedding and honeymoon surpassed my expectations. The wedding day was so beautiful and everything went like clockwork. It was such a romantic day :) Our honeymoon was simply amazing. Aside from the sex, we traveled a bit, with us going to several different places and hotels in beautiful locations. We met many great people and had also a lot of fun with one another.

Concerning sex, I figured that there would be some awkwardness etc., but there really was very little. We were immediately comfortable being naked in front of one another, and everything else that came along with it. On our honeymoon night we had sex off and on from the late afternoon to the wee hours of the morning. Nothing that I'd read or heard about prepared me for the possibility that sex could actually be good right off the bat - especially for a virgin. We had lots of laughs and smiles, and by the end of that first session we had both O'd several times. :oops:

Each day of the honeymoon, the sex just got better and better. More intimacy, multiple O's (I had NO idea my body could do that), and a warmth and comfort that just could not be beat. I had no idea that I would like sex as much as I do, that I'd be so eager to please him, and that we would be so frank and communicative about sex. We went from holding hands and some closed mouth kisses to sex, yet it doesn't feel like it was a huge leap. I also learned a lot about how to please my husband; I'm looking forward to learning more. So for us thus far, sex has been like fish to water, very natural. The only real pain has been friction - plus we are tired from having sex so much. What a beautiful way to start a marriage! I know this is not the way things go for every couple - each person is different, but I'm very glad that we had this beautiful time together. I'm really thankful. It has definitely been worth the wait!

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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby txtwindad » Fri Aug 22, 2014 3:50 pm

Great report. Thanks for checking back in.
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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby Nvr2Late » Fri Aug 22, 2014 5:00 pm

Congratulations on all fronts! It's wonderful to hear such a glowing report. I hope it's just the beginning of many blessed years for you both.
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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby overtherainbow » Fri Aug 22, 2014 5:04 pm

That's wonderful - God bless you both in your amazing future together!
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Re: Late-bloomer bride, virgin, and full of questions

Postby alegria_joy » Sun Aug 24, 2014 4:06 pm

Yay!!!! That makes me so happy for you. My experience was very similar =) and I sometimes feel a little...funny...when people holler about how "wedding-night sex is NEVER really very great sex" - I mean, sex does keep getting better and better for us overall, but daaaaaaaaaaaang, our wedding night sex was phenomenally good. Really glad you had that too!!!


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