So Many Mixed Messages

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
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Queen bed
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Date of your marriage (past or future): March 29th, 1997
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Re: So Many Mixed Messages

Postby partydelights » Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:16 pm

First of all, congratulation on your coming wedding!
Next, congratulations again for you've both done well in keeping your virginity before marriage and another congratulations for the right attitude you manifested.

kiwimedic wrote:Thanks so much everyone for your encouragement and helpful advice. I wish christian culture was more open about sexuality and sex in marriage. We have a secular culture around us that constantly feeds us untruths and sets unrealistic expectations about sex, but there are few godly voices countering this with good biblical truth. Im glad I have found some here. And Im also glad Ive also found a close friend who is married and has very good healthy biblical views about sex which is very refreshing and encouraging.

Many has spoken and I just like to look at this "Mixed Messages" from another angle.
Before reading, please understand that I'm NOT siding those with negative feedback.

Every virgin marriages put the couple into a painful but realistic situation -- That we are not even amateurs when comes to sex. We're like beginners, head full of theories from books and lecturers, going for our very first "practical experiment". (So try to remember what it was like on your first Chemistry, Physics or Biology lab experiment.)

This is what it is like for first-time sex -- a lot trial-and-error and no matter how much you read in the past, you'll miss out something and make little mistakes here and there.

And IMO, this is why many women (Christians or otherwise) had bad first-time experiences. Many-a-times, It's not how "bad" they were in bed, but rather how unskilled their husbands were. It is very easy for virgin men to get carried away on their first-night and forgot to be gentle (or many times, wondering how gentle is gentle) with his wife.

These "errors" still allow men (yes, men are the fortunate ones; Wedding night is man's night) to have full enjoyment, but could leave his wife in pain during or after.

Such accounts for the negative messages, which are not necessary lies or untruths.

On a positive note, take those "negative messages" as warnings to your first "experiment". Failures from a friend from another class could be exploited to your benefits. But no matter what, take your first-time-sex "experiment" as one of the most difficult "experiment" you ever had. So try your best, but don't hope to pass with flying colors.

Instead take your first-time-sex as a tool for love making. Get connected not just physically. Try read up how to get connected emotionally and even spiritually in this first encounter.

Yes, you could end up having the worst sex beyond what you heard negatively. But if you focus on loving him (include forgiving his apparent lack of gentleness) and he loving you (trying his best to pleasure you although he never done it before), you could have the most innocent, most memorable, most desiring love making that you'll both remember fondly even decades into your marriage.
I love my wife, that's why I crave to have sex with her.

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Queen bed
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Re: So Many Mixed Messages

Postby Balkie » Thu Sep 04, 2014 4:50 pm

It is normal to have pre-marriage jitters about the wedding night. Part of it is our entertainment tries to make love making look like the easiest thing in the world to get right the first time and every time after that. There is hardly any communication in tv/movie sex, this is unrealistic. In the real world lovemaking does not follow a script, there is lots of talking and asking questions like, "rub here?" or "does this feel good?" "now?" etc. There is a beauty in being naive and vulnerable with the one you love, it builds a strong bond. And if it doesn't go perfectly the first time, wait an hour and try again, and again, and again, etc. You have a lifetime together to make it work, besides who would want the highpoint of their sex life to be the first time? There would be nowhere to go but down. Our first time was okay, the second time was way better, and the third time was bliss!

So congrats and relax and look forward to the adventure which awaits. It sounds like you have a winning attitude already!

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