God's Geek wrote:I would also tell you to relax about using the word "virginity." What you have maintained to this point is "purity" before God, and that is less of a physical condition and more of a heart attitude. After you are married and start engaging in sex, you both will still remain pure in Gods eyes. The time for virginity is over the moment you say "I Do," and I hope you see this as an opportunity to present your FH (future husband) with a very special "once in a lifetime" gift, but not as something you are "losing."
Excellent advice. 1000% agree.
I also agree with the other posters that have encouraged you to reexamine whether you're controlling desire, or suppressing it, or if it's not there at all (I doubt that.). My concern from the way you describe your relationship is that you're actually suppressing the desire. That's not going to be helpful if you want a passionate marriage, and it sounds like you do if you're readying yourself by research and counsel here. That's a great sign. But desire is like fire. Controlled fire is still fire, ready to spread if given fuel, but held to safe boundaries. It feeds only on the fuel it's supposed to. But suppressing a fire is killing it, not controlling it. It is removing any and all fuel from it. It burns itself out. When you've put so much effort into keeping the desire checked during the engagement, it's really common to find that you can't just flip the switch between respectable girlfriend and uninhibited lover. Really common. This happens with guys, too. I've heard several sad testimonies of women whose husbands never flipped the switch to passionate lover, and the wife is left smouldering years into the marriage wondering why everyone's husband but hers seems to desire his wife. And she feels undesirable and abandoned.
The other advice I saw from the ladies that was really good is to get rid of this concept that you'll ruin the wedding night through lack of knowledge or skills. Don't try for a Hollywood sex scene. Be prepared to take it in steps. Clothes don't glide off like they are greased up. Buttons protest being undone. Moving an arm to better support his weight will end up pulling your hair. They don't lay down towels in hollywood sex scenes and don't think about making messes on the sheets. But you will think about that stuff. Laugh at all this. This is about two people enjoying each other, not flawlessly executing some sacred ritual. Don't just be naked to have beautiful sex, be naked to learn each other more intimately too, to teach each other, to be unguarded with each other. That is the intimacy that satisfies in marriage.