Bride to be

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
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1980BC
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Re: Bride to be

Postby 1980BC » Thu Dec 04, 2014 9:32 am

God's Geek wrote:I would also tell you to relax about using the word "virginity." What you have maintained to this point is "purity" before God, and that is less of a physical condition and more of a heart attitude. After you are married and start engaging in sex, you both will still remain pure in Gods eyes. The time for virginity is over the moment you say "I Do," and I hope you see this as an opportunity to present your FH (future husband) with a very special "once in a lifetime" gift, but not as something you are "losing."

GG


Excellent advice. 1000% agree.

I also agree with the other posters that have encouraged you to reexamine whether you're controlling desire, or suppressing it, or if it's not there at all (I doubt that.). My concern from the way you describe your relationship is that you're actually suppressing the desire. That's not going to be helpful if you want a passionate marriage, and it sounds like you do if you're readying yourself by research and counsel here. That's a great sign. But desire is like fire. Controlled fire is still fire, ready to spread if given fuel, but held to safe boundaries. It feeds only on the fuel it's supposed to. But suppressing a fire is killing it, not controlling it. It is removing any and all fuel from it. It burns itself out. When you've put so much effort into keeping the desire checked during the engagement, it's really common to find that you can't just flip the switch between respectable girlfriend and uninhibited lover. Really common. This happens with guys, too. I've heard several sad testimonies of women whose husbands never flipped the switch to passionate lover, and the wife is left smouldering years into the marriage wondering why everyone's husband but hers seems to desire his wife. And she feels undesirable and abandoned.

The other advice I saw from the ladies that was really good is to get rid of this concept that you'll ruin the wedding night through lack of knowledge or skills. Don't try for a Hollywood sex scene. Be prepared to take it in steps. Clothes don't glide off like they are greased up. Buttons protest being undone. Moving an arm to better support his weight will end up pulling your hair. They don't lay down towels in hollywood sex scenes and don't think about making messes on the sheets. But you will think about that stuff. Laugh at all this. This is about two people enjoying each other, not flawlessly executing some sacred ritual. Don't just be naked to have beautiful sex, be naked to learn each other more intimately too, to teach each other, to be unguarded with each other. That is the intimacy that satisfies in marriage.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby Husband_In_Training » Thu Dec 04, 2014 3:48 pm

+1 for "Sheet Music". This is an excellent guide for both pre-wedding and post-wedding. I think EVERY engaged (and married) couple should read this book as a foundation for their sexual journey. It's written from a Christian perspective but is also quite explicit in the details. It would be very fun and beneficial to read the "After the wedding" part on your honeymoon when you're free to explore the things it's discussing.

Blessings to your marriage.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby sue244 » Thu Dec 04, 2014 7:10 pm

Congrats on your up coming wedding. I just got married about 9 months ago and I like you was also a naive virgin. My then fiance and I also had a pretty hands off policy, our first kiss was at the alter (not saying that kissing is wrong its just how we felt and we went with that, and confession it helped that we lived 1000 miles apart and only saw each other a handful of times before the wedding kept temptation down to a minimum).
I was worried about my husbands size so much so that it actually took me a couple of day after the wedding to look at it, because I didn't want to freak myself out if it was bigger then I thought would fit, by the way everything should fit and if it doesn't you should get checked out. Have you been to an GYN yet?

I'll be honest it did hurt the first time but that really was my fault, because I just kinda took the bull by the horns and sat down on him so to speak without enough foreplay because we had not had piv yet (we were clueless virgins) and just wanted to finally break the piv berrier (pun intended).

How do you know you are turned on: When you can't get enough of him, you want to touch and feel him everywhere, you want to use all your sense to be as close as possible and more. For me its almost like an ache to touch and be touched that just gets stronger and stronger until we piv.

How do you get comfortable naked: I think the best advice I can give you is just to get naked and let him see you in all your glory. I will tell you that one of the hardest things I've ever done was open the bathroom door of our honeymoon suite after taking a shower on our wedding night and coming out to where my husband was waiting wearing a very skimpy teddy. And then with the lights on taking it off. But I have never ever regretted it. We are completely comfortable around each other naked other. Your husband will want to see you, and he will think you are beautiful. The sooner you break as I call it the light barrier the easier it will be.

Being sore, yeah it can happen from time to time but I have never found it to be painfully so, more like an dull awareness of having been stretched. Honestly I thought how I felt after a GYN appointment was worse then the few times I have been sore from piv.

How long will it last: Well if you husband is also a virgin on the wedding night it won't last long, but it gets better from there.

I think the most important thing to remember is that your wedding night will not be perfect as far as sex goes, and that is ok. You have a lifetime to learn how to please each other. Also if you don't have piv on the wedding night that is ok as well. My husband and I did not because well like I said we were clueless and we were not sure how tab A went into Slot B but we did have a very intimate night regardless. It is a night I have fond memories of and part of the reason is because it was awkward, and yet it is that shared awkwardness that helped bond us together.


Some last suggestions: talk to your future husband about expectations of the wedding night ahead of time, and have some kind of schedule or plan for how things will happen. We were given that advice and I think it was good because my husband and I did have different ideas about that night and it also gave me a chance to let him know some things I would need.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby Kilarin » Fri Dec 05, 2014 2:10 am

purple10 wrote:I'm also worried, nervous, and scared about sex.


I'm going to give you the same advice I've given some other people who were nervous about the "first time":

Nervous is 100% normal. But don't worry about the nervousness. The marriage bed should not be a place where you are all tied up with performance anxiety. It should be a place to play. Sex is play for married people! No one is watching. No one is going to score your performance. It's just the two of you having fun together. So take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy each other! If something doesn't work, and the first time there will probably be LOTS of things that don't work, LAUGH! You are just learning this new game, it doesn't have to be perfect to still be a lot of fun.

Your noses are going to bump and you'll giggle about it, and go on kissing. His erection will wobble in a way that makes you laugh, then you'll reach out and touch it, and you will both go silent. Your nipple will suddenly pop erect when you weren't expecting it and you'll laugh a bit nervously, then he'll kiss it until your laughs turn to moans. Your pubic hair will get stuck in his teeth, and you'll both think it hilariously funny, then you'll say "Don't let that stop you!", and he wont. He'll be trying to enter you, missionary position, and miss. You'll try to help him, and he'll STILL miss! You'll switch to woman on top, to give you more control, and the parts STILL won't fit together right, and instead of getting upset, you'll start laughing, then he'll start laughing, and you'll be laughing so hard you slip, and he will slide right into you. Both of your eyes will open wide in huge surprise, then you'll both start laughing again, and fall apart in the process.

There will be all kinds of things that don't go the way you expected them to. So what? It's just the two of you. Play. Have fun. Make LOVE. You have a lifetime to improve upon your technique, so don't worry about "getting it right", just be TOGETHER, and enjoy yourselves!

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Re: Bride to be

Postby padsnd » Fri Dec 05, 2014 3:49 pm

Kilarin wrote:No one is going to score your performance.


Except that Russian judge. He's always tough! :)

Seriously though, Kilarin is right.


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Re: Bride to be

Postby partydelights » Fri Dec 05, 2014 10:32 pm

purple10 wrote:I'm getting married in a few weeks

Congratulations!

Many great answers had been posted on other questions. Please read and see if you could benefit from them.

purple10 wrote:How do you get comfortable being naked in front of someone? ... I think I would stop him from undressing me or cover up my body with a sheet to prevent him from seeing me naked.


May I suggest bring a blindfold for his eyes also :lol:
OK, jokes aside, do you notice what I'm trying to drive at? Yes, your self-consciousness about being seen naked.

What if you had a "realization": The moment you let him see you COMPLETELY naked, he has seen you naked. Period. The suspense is over. You no longer need to hide anything.

Get what I'm driving at?
Your FH only need to see you ONCE, he'll see everything -- everything that's good (according to him), everything that's is "bad" (according to you, but likely good according to him), the extra fats, the saggy parts, etc, etc, etc. But once he's seen it, it's done. Yes, FOR THE REST OF YOUR MARRIED LIFE, it's done. (Or would you prefer the next X number of years stopping him undressing you and you attempting to cover with a sheet.... what if there is no sheets around... any Plan B? Blindfolds from the airplane?)

Yes, you look the same the second time he sees you naked (or the third or the hundredth), so there will be no surprises. So, as long as he's seen you naked once, you're FREE from the BONDAGE to your mind. You can then even walk around naked as much as you want, everywhere in the privacy of your home.

To conclude, while it is indeed difficult to let your FH see you naked on your wedding night, prepare yourself now to be naked not only the flesh, but also the mind. And when you break this mental barrier to JUST GET NAKED (instead of wasting the next weeks, months or years trying to preserve the "mystery" from your FH), you will free yourself like a bird from a cage. And you'll then be comfortable with your God-given body and bless your husband "all the days of his life".
I love my wife, that's why I crave to have sex with her.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby Kilarin » Fri Dec 05, 2014 10:51 pm

padsnd wrote:Except that Russian judge. He's always tough!

Yeah, always breaks my heart when he gives me a low score because I "didn't nail the dismount" :D

partydelights wrote:To conclude, while it is indeed difficult to let your FH see you naked on your wedding night, prepare yourself now to be naked not only the flesh, but also the mind. And when you break this mental barrier to JUST GET NAKED (instead of wasting the next weeks, months or years trying to preserve the "mystery" from your FH), you will free yourself like a bird from a cage. And you'll then be comfortable with your God-given body and bless your husband "all the days of his life".

Excellent advice!

NOTHING is so sexy as a spouse who shows sexual confidence. And sexual confidence does NOT necessarily mean that you aren't frightened, embarrassed, or nervous. It means being willing to open up anyway.

Being embarrassed doesn't have to be a block to your relationship, it can be an opportunity. Sex, GOOD sex, is in large part about being vulnerable with each other. You offer yourself to your husband, he offers himself to you, and you have to do this in ways that leaves you wide open and naked. Not JUST naked in the flesh, but naked in the spirit. Exposed. When you make love and really open up to him, you let him see you. All of you. Including the parts of your body that you think are ugly. Including the parts of your body you consider most private. He will touch you in places you don't even let other people see. He will hear the noises you make when you are getting close to orgasm, and the contortions you face goes through as you pass over the edge. You are revealing to him incredibly intimate information about what pleases you in bed, and what does not. Stuff you would not want anyone else to ever know. Things that can only be revealed in the privacy available within the sacred bounds of the marriage bed.

This vulnerability, it's not a problem, it's one of the FEATURES of sex. There is very little as sexy, very little that makes you feel closer to your spouse, then when they freely open themselves up to you and expose their most private, most vulnerable, most embarrassing inner selves to you. When your spouse holds nothing back, when they come to you and say, "Here, this is what I am, and this is what I want, and if anyone else knew I would probably just curl up and die, but I can show it to you, because you are the other half of my soul. I trust you, and so here it is, my exposed body, my most secret desires, my vulnerable heart, my very embarrassed self."

You are nervous about revealing yourself to him. The mere thought of revealing yourself to someone else makes you tremble with fear. This is an opportunity! Take that fear, that embarrassment, and don't hide it, wrap it up as a present. Bring it to your husband, and offer it to him. Don't hide how embarrassed it makes you feel. Don't try to pretend that it doesn't terrify you. Let him know. Think of your embarrassment like you would sexy lingerie. Use it to enhance and to adorn your love making. Tell him exactly how much it costs you to open up like this, and let him KNOW what an incredible gift of trust you are giving to him. And then, despite the fear, despite the vulnerability, despite the embarrassment, trust him, and let him see all of you. Open, exposed, vulnerable. A gift that you could offer to no one else. A gift of yourself.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby purple10 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 12:41 am

sd595 wrote:How long have you been engaged? I'm going to ask a question - is it difficult to keep your hands off of each other?

14 months. I know long engagement but there were so many things that were going on that we kept pushing the wedding date and moving things around. My FH wanted to get married as soon as I said yes, so I joked about getting married in the courthouse. But he really wanted to experience his happiness with others and see me walk down the aisle.

It's difficult for my fiancé to not let go of me when we're together. We do talk about sex and the wedding a lot now as well as our future. However he said that we should try to limit our sex talks because it's getting harder for him to not take things further with me. Which is why we only do a quick peck on the lips or cheek if he want to kiss each other. He's actually counting down the days until we can finally go further without breaking gods rules.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby purple10 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 12:43 am

God's Geek wrote:I would also tell you to relax about using the word "virginity." What you have maintained to this point is "purity" before God, and that is less of a physical condition and more of a heart attitude. After you are married and start engaging in sex, you both will still remain pure in Gods eyes. The time for virginity is over the moment you say "I Do," and I hope you see this as an opportunity to present your FH (future husband) with a very special "once in a lifetime" gift, but not as something you are "losing."

Thanks so much for this. I never thought about it this way. You're so right!

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Re: Bride to be

Postby purple10 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 12:50 am

txtwindad wrote:But do you not melt when you see your finance walk into a room? That weak in the knees feeling is being turned on, at least the early stages of it.


I don't think I ever had the weak in the knee feeling. I sometimes do have butterflies in my stomach when I'm with him. At one point when we just got engaged I did imagine him kissing me elsewhere but quickly got rid of that thought.
Last edited by purple10 on Sat Dec 06, 2014 1:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby purple10 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 1:08 am

1980BC wrote:I also agree with the other posters that have encouraged you to reexamine whether you're controlling desire, or suppressing it, or if it's not there at all (I doubt that.).

I guess I'm suppressing my desires. I grew up in a very religious household and sex wasn't really talked about. I'm glad with the help of god that I found my FH and I can share my first very intimate experience with him and him with me. I try not to think about our first time together. I guess I'm hoping everything will fall into place and a switch will go off when I'm married.

And your right. I know sex isn't like a Hollywood movie (I wish it was) I know it won't be perfect like I'm hoping it will be. I guess I should lower my expectations and enjoy the mood. I just don't want my FH to have a horrible experience due to my lack of knowledge. Which is why I'm getting all the information I can now.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby rediron » Sat Dec 06, 2014 1:50 am

Hi Purple;
One comment. You stated that you do not want your FH to have a horrible experience due to your lack of knowledge. Outside of the rudimentary knowledge that you have gained by reading, you are both going to come into this relationship inexperienced. One of the joys of early marriage is learning each other as no other person has ever known either of you. I would encourage you to look up the post on humorous things that happened on the wedding night. The most important thing that you can bring on your honeymoon other than a small bag of well thought out supplies is your and his POSITIVE ATTITUDE.
On my wedding night, the only "bed" we had was a broken down convertible couch, which (when I laid in it alone), sagged withing two inches of the floor. Had I made love to my dear wife on that as it was, she would still be in traction, and we've been married for 30 years.
We had to go to K-mart to find something suitable to brace up the "bed", and found nothing suitable. At one point we considered buying two ironing boards, but did not (I am smiling even now at the thoughts of the sounds that lovemaking would have made atop two ironing boards). We eventually bought a rip saw to cut up some homemade block and board shelves we had in the bedroom. We opened the wine, and let it "breath" while we cut up the shelves, and then vacuumed up the saw dust. We then put on some music, and had a fun night. I still have that saw. I have considered having it bronzed more than once over the last thirty years. I crack a smile every time I see it. In closing, let me give you give you some of the best advice I ever got on marital relations: Don't think quite so hard. After you are married, get rid of some useless clothing, and go enjoy pleasing, and being pleased by your spouse. God Bless.
Later
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Re: Bride to be

Postby purple10 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 2:17 am

Thanks for all the advice, sue244. And Kilarin, I do feel like I'm vulnerable when I imagine my FH looking at me without clothes on. I never been naked in front of anyone. My FH is feeling the same way I do. We talked about it, it just made me more nervous. But your post helped me a lot. I'm so glad I joined. I feel relieved after reading this.

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Bride to be

Postby padsnd » Sat Dec 06, 2014 5:08 am

purple10,

I still am a but concerned about your view of sexuality. When I read your posts I see some dangerous viewpoints:

* You talk about your DH having to work at keeping his hands off you. That is normal and good (both the having to resist and the resisting it), but you seem to not see it that way.
* When you talk about your view of sexuality, I hear Christianese. You don't say, "I want sex with him." Instead, you want to be one with him. That is a clinical and spiritual terminology being forced upon a very physical and emotional act. It is like a person saying, "I want to ride a roller coaster because I am intrigued by changes in altitude and g-forces."
* When you mention a hint of sexual desire, you approach it as "Fortunately, I got rid of that as soon as it showed up."

Given your FOO history and what you've said on here, I am not as concerned with the mechanics of sex and "how to not mess those up" as I am with the mental aspects of still viewing it as something "bad". It is wrong for one to fantasize about someone who is not their spouse. It is wrong to entertain those thoughts and carry them forward, but it is also bad to beat them down everything there is a fleeting hint of desire.

All of that can become a habit more than an act of holiness. Unfortunately, we have many women and men on TMB that struggled for years and many who still struggle to break that habit of thinking that any concept of them having sexual thoughts is wrong.

I think poetess said it best when she made the comment about not awakening love before its time not meaning to repress love at all costs. There is a big difference between purposely awakening love and not repressing every ounce of desire. One is like saying, I'm not going to turn on a boiling pot and hot shower to full the room with steam. The other is like turning on multiple dehumidifiers and drying out every once of water from the air. The former keeps things from getting steamy and producing condensate; the latter dries everything out and leaves you with static-electric problems. Neither is a good extreme.

It is important to note that the bride in SoS told the young women, "Do not awaken love before its time," but she didn't tell them to repress it either. In that awakening comment is the inherent mirror concept that love has a time when it will awaken on its own properly.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby Learning1 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 5:48 am

Hi Purple,

Congrats on your upcoming wedding !

I was were you are about this time last year. We also had set boundaries. What sounds a little bit different, and maybe its just terminology, or maybe not.

I didn't try to get rid of sexual thoughts & desires toward my then FH. I knew I couldn't act on those desires, but I didn't try to get rid of them, banish them from my mind. Those desires are healthy & God given.

You mentioned "saving desire". Do you define that as not acting on that desire /taking action on that desire or do you define that as trying to stop that desire from occurring ? Or perhaps both definitions apply ?

This hasn't been brought up, but given what I read about your background, I want to ask. You do realize that sex is for you as much as it is for your husband ? Its for you to enjoy !
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

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Re: Bride to be

Postby sd595 » Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:04 am

purple10 wrote:It's difficult for my fiancé to not let go of me when we're together. We do talk about sex and the wedding a lot now as well as our future. However he said that we should try to limit our sex talks because it's getting harder for him to not take things further with me. Which is why we only do a quick peck on the lips or cheek if he want to kiss each other. He's actually counting down the days until we can finally go further without breaking gods rules.


Excellent!! Praying today that His blessings are on you both!
Get out your bible and see what He says. Pray to Him right now and ask Him for His wisdom in the matter. He will not fail you if you put your faith and trust in Him.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby partydelights » Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:24 am

purple10 wrote:Thanks a lot for this. I do feel like I'm vulnerable when I imagine my FH looking at me without clothes on. I never been naked in front of anyone. My FH is feeling the same way I do. We talked about it, it just made me more nervous. But your post helped me a lot. I'm so glad I joined. I feel relieved after reading this


Dear Purple,
Personally, after reading all your replies to others and my posts, I see a "yellow flag".

1) You were brought up in a Christian family and that is good. However, do not conclude that Christian parents avoided the topic of sex with their children. In fact I'm one parent that talks about sex and sexuality to my children as young as 5 (of course much were basic principles then, until they reach their teens, when more were expressed.)

Please know that the Bible CELEBRATES sex whenever sex and sexuality are written. Google around and you'll read many verses talking about the pleasures of sex, God's approval of sex within a marriage; and even the Song of Solomon, a book celebrating sex WITHOUT any hint of childbearing.

Hence, I hope you could attempt to celebrate sex to a greater degree FROM YOUR WEDDING DAY onward. It's not only holy, it's a special gift from God. And if I were to sound nasty, no sex after marriage is actually sinning against God. So from your wedding day onward, both your thinking have to change from "no sex" to "must-have sex" in order to remain chaste and practicing Christians. (OK I'm nasty. You can still be Christian for the grace of God is bigger than sex,... BUT... yes but... why marry if sex is not in the agenda? etc.)

Song of Solomon Chapter 5:1 (The wedding night) wrote:I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.

Friends
Eat, friends, and drink;
drink your fill of love.


2) Yes, it's definitely not easy to get naked the first time in front of someone else. Being "nervous" is a possible condition, but I think subconsciously, being "unprepared" and "good girls/guys must not like sex" kind of thinking hinders the two of you also.

Yes, IMO, your "Christian upbringing" somehow rubs into you and your FH "holy people should have less sex" kind of thoughts. And it's time to change this thinking: God WANTS you to have sex and ENJOY it, so that both of you can bless his name all the days of your life. Yes, start chanting this mantra: "Good married Christians get naked and have sex to bless his/her spouse" and say Amen to it. And there is no shame to even tell your friends and relatives you're having sex on your wedding day. (In fact, you need not tell. We all know :lol: )

Genesis Chapter 29, particularly verse 21 and 30 wrote:21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.”
:
... and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife... 30 Jacob made love to Rachel also...

3) Start preparing yourself and your FH for your first night. Some get prepared by
a) looking at herself naked in front of a full height mirror everyday;
b) sleep naked
c) As long as there is privacy, clothes off.

d) Talk about it with your FH. Now, no more "comforting" each other how "nervous" you will be.
No. Instead, talk about how you could reduce the nervous feelings like
a) Reading Song of Solomon together, especially a commentary like http://soniclight.com/constable/notes/pdf/song.pdf

b) Go shopping together and buy the "last suit you'll wear". When both knows the number of pieces and the sequence to take off, getting naked becomes more of a planned logistics than getting-ready-for-sex feeling.

c) Help each other ease the tension materially, like dimming the lights, back massaging each other half naked, follow by bubble bathe each other, ...

To conclude, Purple, please accept sex and getting naked for sex after marriage as something "very good" pronounced by God since the creation of man and woman. While nervousness is real, it could be merely an excuse. So work at it now. Have the goal by the wedding day, both of you are not only proud to have kept your virginity, but also by night, you should both be proud you had lose it and celebrate sex the way the Bible intended. May you lives be blessed.

My 2 cents.
I love my wife, that's why I crave to have sex with her.

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Re: Bride to be

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Dec 06, 2014 10:37 am

Hi Purple. Welcome to TMB. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and kudos to both of you for being in your 30s and keeping yourself sexually pure. Believe me, it will be worth the wait :-).

I share the concern of others about your attitudes about sex. It's good to be brought up in a strict conservative Christian home. However, the negative attitudes that often accompany it are not. I know from my own marriage that those wrong attitudes are difficult to overcome. All I will say about this is to reiterate what others have told you. Don't fight your feelings. HAVING sex -- including oral and manual stimulation of genitals and breasts before marriage is wrong. WANTING sex is GOOD. It's what motivates us to seek marriage. It's OK to have feelings and automatic bodily responses! Don't worry, in our experience, if you have never crossed any boundaries into premarital sex, any feelings you have, even if you do decide to hold hands or kiss, will not cause you to do so. Actually having sex is a big step from merely wanting it -- not something that you would get carried away and do.

I also recommend the book Sheet Music. Besides practical nuts & bolts advice, it will also help you understand the proper Christian attitudes about sex. A warning -- there is a little blurb at the start of the book advising single readers to skip certain chapters until after marriage. I would read it all, NOW. If reading a book makes you abandon your purity vows, you aren't very committed to them to begin with. The "post-marriage" chapters include things like Kegel exercises. Not particularly titilating IMO, and something that you should start doing BEFORE marriage.

Have you been to a gynechologist for a premarital exam? If not, you should. The doctor can make sure everything is OK, that your hymen won't prevent sex, etc. It will help put your mind at ease. He can answer any questions you have. Your fiancee should accompany you to your appointment -- wait in the waiting room during the exam, but join you for the counseling afterwards. He can ask questions too.

You could also start stretching your vagina with your fingers or better yet order a set of dilators off Amazon.

Finally, I want to help you with your apprehension about being naked. That's great that you aren't ashamed of your body. You're already way ahead of most women. So many women with perfect bodies, my bride included, don't like this or that, and typically think their breasts are too big or too small.

First of all, I think when the time comes, you will find that it isn't that big a deal. Seeing my bride naked for the first time was exciting and far exceeded my wildest expectations. But as for exposing myself to her, it was disappointing in a way. I was looking forward to showing myself to my wife. But it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. What did surprise me is how natural and comfortable it felt. ETA that my wife is rather shy and reserved, not an exhibitionist at all :lol:, especially back then, but did not seem at all uncomfortable being naked in front of me.

When you are alone, do you lounge around in the nude? If not, that will help you get comfortable being naked. Turn the heat up a bit so you are comfortable, and do what you normally do, but without clothes. It's fun!

Get a mirror and flashlight, get comfortable in bed, and explore your vulva. I like looking at my penis -- it's one of God's better handiworks, if I do say so myself! But it is nothing compared to the beauty of a woman. Way more intricate and delicate, and more beautiful then the most exquisite flower.

If you do have any apprehension about how you will look or how your husband will react to seeing you naked: Has he ever seen you in a bikini? If not, go on a swim date. You don't have to wear a string bikini, but choose something that doesn't leave a lot to the imagination -- no frilly things over your breasts or bottom. Trust me, he will enjoy it and his reaction to seeing you like that will put to rest any little fears you may have.

Blessings!

L
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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poetess
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Re: Bride to be

Postby poetess » Sat Dec 06, 2014 12:23 pm

Well, I'd wait for the bikini until you're actually married and have freedom to see that much of each other . . . but do take one on your honeymoon, even if you only use it in the shower!
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

ledgemoor
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Re: Bride to be

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Dec 06, 2014 1:55 pm

. . . use it in the shower!

Or not :lol:.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)


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