Loving my new husband

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
Rlol94
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Loving my new husband

Postby Rlol94 » Tue Dec 30, 2014 2:30 am

Been lurking for a while now ;)
Anyway, I'm getting married on January 16th to the most wonderful, funny, caring guy ::al
We have an hour drive after our reception to our honeymoon destination, and I'm wondering if you guys have any ideas on some fun things we can do on the way. We are both virgins, and have done nothing beyond french kiss. I want to surprise him (me being the good Christian home schooled girl) because I know he's worried
1. That he'll hurt me and
2. That he won't be able to make it out of the shower if we shower together before he will want to play with his new toys :P
I know guys have refractory periods, but exactly how long does that time last? I want to make sure he's not feeling like he's going to explode while I slow cook away until I'm ready. Thanks!

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby cbmike » Tue Dec 30, 2014 6:58 am

The refractory period varies a lot among men mostly depending upon age and the individual. It can be anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. How old is he?
There's one thing I know, and this is it.

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby Vilnius » Tue Dec 30, 2014 7:02 am

Assuming one of you is going to be driving, I would limit your sexual activity to talk - too dangerous to be touching him while he is driving, and you can drive him wild just talking about sexual stuff.

Once you get to where you are going, don't feel like you have to rush into intercourse. Sex is a lot more varied than just intercourse and a lot of women find it uncomfortable and unsatisfying.

As far as not wanting him to feel like he is going explode before you're ready, well, him feeling like he is going to explode is not something that you can avoid or even want to avoid. If a guy is engaged in sexual activity of any kind he is going to feel a very strong urge to ejaculate. You can't help it. What you do want to avoid is his actually exploding/ejaculating before you are ready to stop engaging in sexual activity. Sustained physical stimulation of his penis is what causes ejaculation. If he is excited, erect and if his penis is lubricated, then any more than a couple of seconds of stimulation to his penis-by you or him- could cause him to ejaculate. My advice is to avoid stimulating his penis once it is erect. If you are going to have intercourse, don't let him in you until you are begging him to enter you, and I would let him give you an orgasm orally or manually before he enters you, because once he does he will probably ejaculate long before you each orgasm through penetration. If you are going to give him release orally or by hand, wait until you want the lovemaking session to be over. Most guys just are not up for sex for a couple of hours or more after they ejaculate--the refractory period. Guys are driven to ejaculate, but the fun is usually over after they do, so don't worry about making him feel like he is ging to explode, just don't let him explode until you are ready to end your lovemaking session.

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Loving my new husband

Postby Epaminondas » Tue Dec 30, 2014 8:08 am

Refractory period can be longer but I'd guess a virgin on his wedding night will recover pretty quickly. DW and I got back to our place and ML twice pretty much back to back (I think I stayed hard between), took a break for a naked picnic of reception food for maybe 30 minutes, then did it again before falling asleep. I was 23 then and excited. :) if he's young he will probably be able to finish more than once with a small break. I wouldn't worry too much about it. :)
God Bless <><

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby yard1 » Tue Dec 30, 2014 1:14 pm

As to what to do on the way, someone suggested sexual talk; if you are both comfotable with it, that is a nice time to be able to excercise your new freedom with explicite sex language. Planning a trip can be almost as much fun as the trip. Likewise, verbal sex planning can be mind blowing!

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby ledgemoor » Sat Jan 03, 2015 7:21 pm

Congratulations!

because I know he's worried
1. That he'll hurt me

Have you done any preparation -- such as visiting a gyn, and stretching yourself? If so, inform him of your preparations to put his mind at ease. It isn't too late to rush-order a set of dilators from Amazon. For us, pain on initial penetration wasn't so much of a problem as soreness from frequent intercourse. If I had it to do over again, there would have been a lot of oral sex.

2. That he won't be able to make it out of the shower if we shower together before he will want to play with his new toys :P

He might not, but nothing to worry about. Tell him it's OK. It will just show you how turned on he is by you. You will be happy to wait and do other things until he is ready to go again. If he's under 90, I bet it won't take long -- he's on his honeymoon, getting a good look at a naked girl for the first time, and someone he loves on top of that :D. I masturbated about an hour before we started, and I still didn't last very long. Sometimes I still don't.

Assuming one of you is going to be driving, I would limit your sexual activity to talk - too dangerous to be touching him while he is driving, and you can drive him wild just talking about sexual stuff.

Amen to that. We were driving down a country road, with DW holding my hand. She placed my hand on her pubic hair as a surprise for me. I crossed into the other lane I was so surprised. She had waited until there was no traffic fortunately, but neither of us had any idea I would react so strongly. We weren't on our honeymoon -- this was 25 years later :lol:.

Ya'll've got me thinking about the old movie The Pursuit of DB Cooper :D.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby Leah » Sat Jan 03, 2015 8:07 pm

Not making it out of the shower might be a good thing. It sometimes takes the sense of urgency away.
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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby confident » Sun Jan 04, 2015 1:41 pm

Firstly, congratulations! Marriage is awesome. :D

I got married last November and I was the good Christian home-schooled girl too.

Regarding #1, expect to do stretching. Put lube on one finger and around the entrance to the vagina. Lying down, slide your finger in as far as it feels comfortable and push downwards toward your buttocks. Once that feel ok add a second lubed finger and eventually a third and repeat. If you can get three fingers in comfortably he should be able to enter ok.

Use lube, and lots, until you know how much your body needs. It can turn "I'm a bit dry" into "That feels really good." :D And bring along coconut oil in case your body doesn't like the lube. I ended up with rashes everywhere because of our lubes (even ky jelly) but coconut oil worked out cheaper, just as good, and better tasting for os.

Regarding #2, we normally shower to together and it's a struggle because, yes, dh likes to be play with his toys! ;) Still, the idea of sex in the shower is sufficiently uncomfortable that if we ml afterwards it's always in bed. You'll work it out. A lot of things will just make sense when you're actually married and together.

So excited for you! :):)

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Postby Job29Man » Mon Jan 05, 2015 7:51 am

confident wrote:Still, the idea of sex in the shower is sufficiently uncomfortable that if we ml afterwards it's always in bed. You'll work it out.
I'm a foot taller than DW. She's always asking me to reach something up on a high shelf for her.

One day she came home from shopping and I saw she had purchased a lightweight, all-plastic "single step" with a rubber-grippy top surface. I asked her "Oh, is that to help you reach up to the higher kitchen shelf?"

Making an effort at a straight face, she responded. "No. It's for the shower."

(My face) first :? , then :o , followed by :mrgreen:
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

Rlol94
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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby Rlol94 » Thu Jan 08, 2015 2:43 pm

Thanks for all your suggestions! Yes, I have attempted stretching although it felt pretty strange, it wasn't uncomfortable. I wear tampons so I'm not totally tight down there! I'm just going to go with the flow I think, I'm starting to get pretty excited! One week to go! Have packed some sliquid and will be taking coconut oil too. We have seen a doctor who gave us some tips, so I think I'm fairly well prepared for an awesome honeymoon!

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby TheTigress » Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:09 am

I would suggest trying out the sliquid on your skin somewhere before the honeymoon just to make sure you don't have a reaction. I tested all my lubes mainly because I do have sensitive skin. Even though I didn't have an allergic reaction to any of them I did find that I prefer KY Jelly as it feels most natural to me afterward when I do need to use lube. Other lubes I can feel afterward and I hate that feeling of something being down there even after clean-up.

I'm sure you already read this if you've read around here but if you are using condoms don't use the coconut oil because it will break down the condom!

As far as refractory periods go it really varies from guy to guy. My DH pretty much doesn't have one. He can have multiple O's back to back without stopping or pausing PIV. So far we've done 3 o's back to back for him. When he does that he pretty much collapses afterward and needs about 15-20 minutes to catch his breath and let his heart rate settle but there have been many times that he is ready to go again after that rest period and will have even maintained an erection during the rest period.

However I also realize our experience is mostly outside the "norm"

All that to say try not to assume that your dh will be the "norm" he may have an average refractory period or he may not. Just learn how he and you work together and have fun!!
Together or not at all- Amy Pond

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby LifeAbundantly » Mon Jan 12, 2015 2:00 pm

Hey! My DH and I were both home schooled virgins. I think the best advice I can give is: take the pressure off of yourself. It won't be perfect but it will be precious and memorable! My DH and I showered separately before revealing--I liked this, it helped me think and prepare and feel squeaky clean. ;-) It may, I admit, though, have over-ramped DH's anticipation. Let's just say he O'd waaay before PIV :oops: :lol: :D , which we did eventually achieve with difficulty, but DH (early twenties) has about a day refractory period (this is semi-normal but maybe not for his age) so it was more intimate than pleasurable. I would encourage stretching exercises on your part (I only did the a 2-4 times and I think it did a lot of good!) and communicating to your DH how much you look forward to being one, etc, to minimalism his fear. Congratulations and God Bless!

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Re: Loving my new husband

Postby dlmusic » Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:24 pm

I'm going to put in another suggestion and that is to be flexible. In other words, if in the process of undressing for shower you find your new husband obssesed with your body, then you may not need to shower that moment. Obviously comfort is important, but it's not like you will always have to shower before you have sex. I suppose there are some they always do, but I know that's certainly not the case in my own sex life.

lmg517

Re: Loving my new husband

Postby lmg517 » Thu Feb 26, 2015 6:51 am

I think we're missing a fun suggestion for you. OS for DH in the car! Bc you're both virgins I would err on the side of safety and find a safe secluded place to park the car. I gave DH OS while he was driving on our honeymoon in Italy. It was an exciting fantasy to fulfill for both of us. I recommend putting your hand on his penis very shortly after leaving the parking lot of your reception and saying" I don't think I can wait for the hotel" he will grow firm in your hand almost instantly and lose a lot of fear with your boldness. If you want the romance and comfort of PIV before car activities that's totally understandable too. But this kind of activity will set the tone for your lack of inhibition with him, playfulness, and is a huge boost to his ego. If you are nervous about giving OS you can add "tell me what feels good". He should be pretty easy so it won't take long!

I'm assuming he's young. And since he's a virgin and since it his wedding night I bet he'll be ready to go an hour or too later but also not at an explosive level.

Most importantly do what feels like yourself. Your bodies will tell you what to do! Have fun!


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