Intimacy After Long Distance

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
Dbrown
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Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Dbrown » Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:44 am

Hello, I was recently engaged at the beginning of the year to my beautiful girlfriend. I live about 4 hrs away from her. We're in the process now of planning the wedding for sept 2015. We often talk about how different things will be when we finally will be together without us having to leave to go back to our separate destinations.

Can the couples who were in long distant relationships share of your experience of how things were on the honey moon after you spent months/years apart?

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby sue244 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:18 am

My now husband and I had our entire relationship prior to marriage be long distance. He lived in AZ and I lived in CO. We had a total of 5 visits with each other prior to getting married. For us the Honeymoon was so nice because for the first time there was not this thought in the back of our head about having to say goodbye. We knew that we would just be saying goodnight and see you later.
As far as Intimacy went, we had no problems what so ever making that jump. We both felt strongly about limiting physical contact before marriage so that most we did hold hands. Our first kiss was at that alter and I'm so glad we waited. It was so special. That night we enjoyed getting to know each other bodies and being able touch and kiss. And so far we have noticed that we love being together as much as possible and I think part of that is we did not have that while we were courting/engaged.

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Dbrown » Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:04 am

That's amazing our relationship is pretty much the exact same. We've decided to delay kissing until the wedding day and have also limited physical contact to just hand holding. I'm glad to see an older couple did the same and how it benefited the relationship!! Very encouraging thank you. Please keep the comments coming.

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Jan 15, 2015 4:08 pm

We were 8000 miles apart for most of our engagement. She moved to this country a few months before the wedding. She stayed in our house and I slept at a friend's place. Other than no sex, it was like being married -- all of the problems but not all of the benefits :lol:.

The honeymoon was fantastic. One neat thing about being married besides sex: We were surprised how much we liked sharing a bed and sleeping (literally) together. No more saying "goodbye" every night.
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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby LoveIsSweet » Sun Jan 18, 2015 2:53 pm

Moving into sexual intimacy was not problematic for our honeymoon, even though we were previously a long distance couple. However, we had talked about our hopes/desires/expectations for the honeymoon (sexual and otherwise) long before we ever got to the honeymoon, and that communication was very, very helpful!

What I didn't expect was the difficulty in figuring out what to do together non-sexually on our honeymoon. :) We didn't have a lot of practice being an in-person couple, which meant it took a long time for us to decide where to eat, what movie to rent (or if to rent a movie), what activity to do that day, etc. Those things take time as you learn more about each other in every way. Just have patience with each other, and remember there are a lot of very new things happening for both of you. :)


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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby poetess » Sun Jan 18, 2015 3:39 pm

We were in a long-distance relationship the whole time. We did spend extensive time together (several days at a time several times, and lots and lots of hours on the phone and e-mailing/texting). We chose to limit our touch to "no passionate kissing," and we were never alone together behind closed doors.

The transition to being married and having sex wasn't hard at all. We had communicated extensively about everything (what time each of us went to bed, what family holidays looked like for each of us, what we struggled with, etc.). We had "no surprises" when it came to "what it's like to live with him / her" and no shyness when it came to sexual intimacy. He had been married before (widowed), but I was a virgin and had never been kissed.
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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Hislittlefirecracker » Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:40 am

My hubby and I lived three hours apart for our whole relationship prior to marriage. We had a pretty low budget for our honeymoon so we chose an inexpensive place to stay but then used the extra money to stay a few extra nights. Don't get me wrong, we weren't staying in some sketchy hotel, it just wasn't exactly the Bahamas or even the beach. But it didn't matter that our honeymoon want fancy. We were just so over the moon to finally be together. We could enjoy our time together without worrying about having to say goodbye.

Any trouble we had becoming comfortable with each other sexually stemmed from our sexually repressed upbringings rather than our long distance relationship. We made a point to discuss sex a lot in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Nothing inappropriate, but we talked about our views on sex, expectations and our worries and concerns. So by the time we got to the wedding night, we were at least comfortable talking about it.

Honestly I don't think the long distance nature affected our sex life in any way except to make us all the more happy to finally be together. I hope it is the same for you and your bride!

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Dbrown » Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:08 am

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and insight it definitely has set my mind at ease. Thanks again!

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Dbrown » Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:32 pm

Hey guys! So my fiance and I are just over 2 months away from our wedding date. We're really excited especially for the wedding night. I was overlooking the responses from this post and I noticed that most of you didnt mention if you were shy or afraid during the wedding night. I could be wrong but i wanted to know, if you were not shy when it came to sex and being naked with your spouse, what made you confident? Thanks

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby ledgemoor » Tue Jun 23, 2015 2:23 pm

Congratulations. It'll be here before you know it.

Neither of us were nervous, shy, or afraid. It was great to see DW in all her glory. As for me getting naked, it wasn't as exciting as I expected. It just felt very normal & natural.

We get married in order to know each other more intimately, and being naked and unashamed with each other is a part of that.

So don't sweat it, ok?
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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby YoungSouthernWife » Tue Jun 23, 2015 2:44 pm

Knowing that you are naked with the person you will spend the rest of your life naked with takes away any and all insecurities.

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby SLS » Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:24 pm

There was little to no nervousness for DW and I. We loved each other very much and were quite excited to "unwrap" each other. One thing that I think would help out with confidence is taking a shower separately before the big reveal. Feeling nice and clean before your DW sees you for the first time is a good confidence builder.

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Dbrown » Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:05 am

Do you think that the fact that you all were in a long-distance relationship contributed to your confidence in being naked with your spouse?

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:28 am

I don't remember all the details of the first few days, but I do remember being nervous and shy. I remember wanting some time to prepare and desiring my husband to be understanding of me and my nervousness, he wasn't. I was pushed by his own anticipation, which felt very selfish, and it did damage in the long run. He has said multiple times, if he could change how he handled that first night, he would. I believe what would have made me more confident would have been him showing some understanding, patience, and giving me some reassurance.
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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Romantic Husband » Wed Jun 24, 2015 5:30 pm

I was really excited for the wedding night, too. I wasn't shy about being naked with her for the first time, although I am naturally kind of modest. The only explanation I can come up with is that I was really excited about not being a virgin anymore!
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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:50 am

Dbrown wrote:Do you think that the fact that you all were in a long-distance relationship contributed to your confidence in being naked with your spouse?
Probably not. Except for maybe wanting each other more. But we were together a couple months before we got married. I'm not sure what the dynamics would have been if we had gotten married right away after she arrived. Maybe more of that sex-with-a-stranger feeling married couples get sometimes. Still don't mind getting naked though :D.
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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby poetess » Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:00 pm

I too doubt the long-distance thing had anything to do with our confidence. We knew each other extremely well when we married; we trusted each other and felt safe together. I suspect for us that part of it may have been that we were older and "comfortable in our own skin." I've never had body-image issues (though I've always been extremely modest) and he had been married and widowed. So it was a non-issue, and I don't think the long-distance aspect played a role in it either way. (I actually expected it to feel awkward, but it didn't.)

Actually, I personally think the fact that he never, ever pushed for anything sexual or anything that made me uncomfortable made it easier for me to trust him sexually. I hadn't had to push him away during courtship (though I did need to tell him a couple things that were "better to wait for marriage on that one," like kissing while we were seated--though we chose to wait on passionate kissing, even gentle kisses revved the engine too much when we were sitting down). Never having had to push him away, when it was time to draw him close, I felt no hesitation at all.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby sue244 » Thu Jun 25, 2015 10:23 pm

I was a mixture of nervous shyness and excitement. After the reception we went to our room and I needed to take a shower because of all the gunk in my hair. DH helped me out of my dress but didn't see anything because of all the layers I had on. He waited in the room while I showered, giving us both time to get ready. He says he got nervous when he heard the water go off. I was a bit nervous/shy opening the door to the room even though I was still covered with a robe. Once we started kissing though it was better and then we were both thinking how can we move this along.
My advice to any bride is to break the light barrier the first night, bit to grooms I would say be patient and understanding and give her all the time she needs she letting her know
How beautiful and desirable you find her.

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby Dbrown » Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:28 pm

Did you guys notice that your love making on the wedding night and during the first few weeks of your marriage was exceptionally passionate? Like you could barely keep your hands off each other? I ask because I notice that as my fiance and I get closer and closer to the wedding date our urges to be together get stronger and stronger. As a result of us only seeing each other a few times every 30-60 days, I feel like my urges to want to make love to her has sky rocketed.

So I just wanted to know for the ones who were in long-distant relationships, was the first few weeks of your marriage quite passionate?

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Re: Intimacy After Long Distance

Postby sue244 » Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:40 pm

16 months in and we can still hardly keep our hands off of each other. Our wedding night and well almost every night of our honeymoon went toward getting to know each other more then sleeping. We still appreciate the novelty of being in the same room together since it was so rare prior to marriage with us living in 2 different states.


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