ledgemoor wrote: Do you enjoy anything?
I would say I enjoy photography (I am a professional photographer on the side), cycling, skiing, reading, and watching movies. However I rarely use the word "fun" or "excited." I can't say I get excited much except in my faith. I just don't have strong emotions. I don't even use the word "happy" much. I strive for peace more than happiness. I don't think there is anything wrong with righteous pleasure. Not at all. God wants us to experience life to the full. I am just not that into pleasure. I like good hard massages that make you squirm or bike rides that leave me wasted at the end.
I've often felt a good bike ride beats sex hands down.
Enjoyment is not the same as pleasure. I enjoy bicycle racing very much. Is racing fun? Yeah, a little I guess. Is it pleasurable? Not at all. Uncomfortable seat, branches and thorns slapping you, either too hot or too cold, and covered in mud. The enjoyment in this and the other things you mention is in the accomplishment of it. And that's good. We need to push ourselves and grow throughout our lives. Otherwise you die (metaphorically speaking).
But that doesn't make godly pleasure in any way inferior. That is just as much a part of life as the challenges we face and create for ourselves. Ride your bike just to have fun sometimes. Ride someplace scenic when the weather is perfect just to enjoy the sites, the mystery of being able to balance on two wheels, the breeze over your face. Get a massage sometime just for relaxation and pleasure. Enjoy the sensation of an expert touch and the feel of someone else's hands -- especially lady hands.
You sound very disciplined. Were you a good student? Not knocking that, but suggesting that you focus some of that discipline on living a more balanced life -- one that includes relaxing a bit and just enjoying life. You work hard and play hard all the time, you will burn yourself out, and a symptom of burnout is feeling nothing.
The medications you are on. Stick with the testosterone and tyroid (although I recommend injections as opposed to testosterone cream. They are more effective long-term and easier to control dosage). The other stuff: Some drugs do affect libido and more. There is a TED talk where they speaker says that long-term SSRI usage interferes with pair bonding chemistry. I don't know if any of the stuff you are taking are SSRIs or not, but bottom line is they affect the mind. We don't know exactly how they effect YOUR mind -- everyone is different. The opinion the professional giving this TED talk is that they are fine the get you over a rough spot, but are not good for long-term use. Sounds good to me. There are a few people who need psychiatric medication on a permanent basis, but I think they are overprescribed and not needed by most people to get thru the normal trials and travails of normal life. Why not talk with your doctor about the possibility discontinuing them on a trial basis?
Anyway, friend, you sound frustrated and ready to give up. I can't understand what you are going thru, and it's easy to for me to say "don't give up", but I'm going to say it again anyway.
Maybe take an hour this week to do nothing but try have fun and enjoy pleasure. You may not succeed at first, but like everything else we attempt, you will get better at it. Small steps, vs. no steps, OK?
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)