What two things should a bride know about the wedding night?

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
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What two things should a bride know about the wedding night?

Postby pigweed » Fri Feb 13, 2015 4:54 am

My daughter is getting married this fall. I want her to hear from those of you who have been married in the last few years. Advice you would give her about choosing a honeymoon destination? travel times and plans? cottage or resort? first time sex? Did you orgasm first time? was that worth the effort? how to dress? stretching? what to read? other preps? surprises? regrets? Is there something you should have discussed with your groom more before marriage? Keep to one or two most important things but give a rationale for why you think it is important for her to know. What do you wish you would have known? How do you think that would have changed the atmosphere or pleasure of the wedding night for you? Limit it to two things so we can hear from more new brides.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby IM_a_Farmwife » Fri Feb 13, 2015 6:45 am

Pigweed,

I am an older married woman. I have only DSs and can hardly wait for DiLs. I don't have two things but six. I have saved this longer excerpt to share with my DS's wives some day. I don't remember where I read this but there is so much wisdom here that I felt compelled to share it with you in the hope that you will share with your DD. It deals with not only the first night of their marriage but all the days to come. It reads as follows:

1. Sex is so powerful, do not bring it into a relationship until marriage. As I often tell single women, do not sleep with a man until he is willing to die for you. When men engage in sex before marriage, they cannot think clearly enough to make the best decision regarding marriage. Sex is so powerful, it clouds the man’s ability to make a rational decision.

2. Men often feel intimacy through sex. While many women have sex as a result of intimacy, many men feel intimacy because of sex. Every time you hear your husband talk about sex, realize he is actually talking about intimacy. It may not be intimacy the way you think of it, but it is intimacy the way he thinks of it (and remember, neither viewpoint is better than the other).

3. When you reject sex, men feel like you are rejecting them. I’m not saying you are. I’m not saying this is right. But I am saying how it most often is. To reject sex feels impersonal to you, but feels very personal to a man. Yet you should still have a right to reject sex. This is one reason I created the 24-hour rule. It gives the wife the ability to reject sex, but gives the husband a set time frame within which sex will occur. “Not now” is given a time-frame. I’m yet to meet a man who dislikes the 24 hour rule.

4. When sex is not a priority for you, men feel like they are not a priority for you. It’s the same as number 3, but just as important. To the extent you make sex a priority, husbands will feel like you have made them a priority. On a regular basis, I meet women who claim their family is a top priority, but they have not sought to understand their husband’s view on sex. While they might think family is their top priority, their husbands will not feel like a top priority.

5. Because it’s important to me, it should be important to you. We do not have the right to tell our spouses what they can and cannot care about. Even if you don’t understand the sexual needs of your spouse, you still have to care about them. If they care about it, you should care about it.

6. You are your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This should be his boundary and your encouragement. God created most men to greatly need sex. If God created men this way and allowed you to marry your husband, then he created you to be your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This is a great pleasure and a great responsibility. While a man is fully responsible for his decision making, it helps to have a partner in the battle against temptation.

Please forgive me because I have lost the original author when I saved this. If anyone knows, let me know. It's probably not what you were looking for but it's really good advice. Please consider sharing this with your DD. Their future marriage will benefit very much with the gained knowledge.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby poetess » Fri Feb 13, 2015 7:59 am

Well, these aren't "things we wish we would have done differently," but "wise advice that we took and we're glad we did." For background, we're middle-aged; my husband was a widower and me a first-time, virgin bride.

First, the wedding night is as important in the groom's dreams as the wedding day is in the bride's. Don't let the wedding night be an afterthought. Plan to leave the wedding reception early enough that the couple isn't tired. (We had an afternoon wedding, not an evening one, partly for this reason. But couples celebrating an evening wedding shouldn't stay till midnight. Even with an afternoon wedding, we had a planned no-later-than-this departure time, though we left a few minutes earlier when we saw guests were starting to leave.) Also, if your honeymoon spot is some distance away, don't start the honeymoon until at least a day after the wedding; the first night should be a short drive, not more than an hour away but preferably less than that.

Second, avoid honeymoon cystitis (painful bladder infections that come from the body getting used to sex). The wife should pee after sex as soon as possible (within 20-30 minutes), and taking daily cranberry pills isn't a bad idea. Coconut oil is said by many to be the best lubricant, partly because of its antibacterial properties (even a young bride will probably need a lubricant initially).
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby God's Geek » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:02 am

Here is an excellent thread (though it may be a few years old) where we asked TMB members to post their best Honeymoon tips.

Wedding Night 101, Advice to Brides

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby ahraysee » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:13 am

I got married 9 months ago. My husband and I decided we would place no expectations on having sex on our wedding night. This was the BEST decision we made. I had very little sexual desire that night, and having sex out of obligation would have been a big mistake. But spending the night slowly undressing each other, touching, hugging/kissing knowing there were no limits anymore was the most magical thing. So this is a suggestion I think they should consider. Make the goal of the wedding night exploring each other, not about sex. That way, you can't fail!

Unfortunately, that "little/no sexual desire" persisted for months, to my utter devastation. I had such a strong drive before marriage and mental/physical purity was a huge struggle for me, though we were both virgins and only kissed the week before the wedding. But even without the desire, I decided that we should have sex regularly anyway (every day or every other day) because I figured my libido would come back eventually and I felt it unfair to say no to my husband. This was a huge mistake. Almost all sexual encounters from the beginning until 4 months in were so disappointing and so unfulfilling, because I had no desire and therefore no pleasure. I realized in hindsight that I had been idolizing sex and I suspect the Lord divinely dampened my desire so that I wouldn't start to appreciate sex more than the Giver of sex. (Things have gotten much better since then, praise the Lord!)

Anyway, my point there is two fold: 1) she should make sure she is not thinking too highly of sex. Yes it's important, but it's not the be all end all, and the disappointments she faces in that area (she will face some sooner or later) aren't the end of the world because sex is just another part of life. If I had known this, I would not have been so completely devastated by my lack of desire and all the unfulfilling sex.

2) If she isn't feeling it, and all the foreplay in the world isn't making her feel any more desirous, just call it quits and try again later! Address his needs in some other way--pressing on with intercourse over and over again when I just had no physical desire for it at all really messed with my view of sex. It's okay to change your mind!

I hope some of this helps--I'm praying for your daughter :)

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby Learning1 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 11:45 am

Discuss wedding day, reception, wedding night and honeymoon expectations with FH. The more detailed the discussion the better. Decide what is most important and meaningful as a couple.

Eg. A short reception, a longer reception, taking a bubble bath together, showering separately, being in a farmilair setting for the first night, having a day after the wedding brunch, how much travel time to honeymoon destination and when to travel etc.
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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby padsnd » Fri Feb 13, 2015 2:56 pm

I'm the DH, but I would say the two biggest things are what poetess said about the wedding night (which is basically what I said on that other thread) and a word about the honeymoon:

The honeymoon is not a site-seeing trip, and it is not a trip to Disney. If you are more focused on the views or the fun outside your room than inside, you DH will notice.


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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby sue244 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 5:49 pm

Congrats on your daughter getting married.
I got married just under a year ago and there has been some great advice on here.
The honeymoon should be about getting to know each other, not exploring a new place. My DH and I went to a resort and spent most of the time in the room like we expected to. We were each others new playground and we wanted to explore that. Also I would say the less travel you have to do the wedding night the better. We got married at a B and B so we did not have to go anywhere until the next day when we drove to our honeymoon location. The wedding night was a time or relaxation and exploring for us, although we did not have PIV that night because we were both very inexperienced and had to figure it out. The first time we had PIV it was a bit painful for me but after that we both enjoyed it. It did take me a couple of times before I had an orgasm but it was totally worth the effort. I had a different lingerie outfit for each night of the honeymoon but I made sure each one was very easy to get off.
I think the best tip I can think of to give a new bride is to 1, don't be afraid to talk about what is going on during sex, and 2 she should be on top the first time just because it will give her control of what is going on.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby poetess » Fri Feb 13, 2015 7:16 pm

Re "she should be on top the first time," I imagine that depends on the couple. I didn't see that advice before we married, and even if we had I don't think I would have tried it. I didn't want to be "in control" of our first sexual experience. Of course, in our case my husband had been married and I hadn't, so he knew more about "what to do," but I think even if he hadn't, I would rather have had him "in charge," and determining whether or not I was ready for an attempt. (Of course, we didn't get all the way in that night, but I seriously doubt that woman on top would have enabled that. His tenderly preparing me for us to have success later was better than me trying to take the lead, for us anyway. But I really think it would have been much more awkward--physically but probably in other ways too--to try such a position that night.) But different people do it differently.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby ahraysee » Sat Feb 14, 2015 3:37 pm

I heard the advice about woman on top but I wanted my husband on top. Until we couldn't get the angles right that way!! Me on top was the only way we could get things to line up for a while. So I'd say just be open to whatever you need :)

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby Stumoo » Sun Feb 22, 2015 1:26 am

IM_a_Farmwife wrote:1. Sex is so powerful, do not bring it into a relationship until marriage. As I often tell single women, do not sleep with a man until he is willing to die for you. When men engage in sex before marriage, they cannot think clearly enough to make the best decision regarding marriage. Sex is so powerful, it clouds the man’s ability to make a rational decision.

2. Men often feel intimacy through sex. While many women have sex as a result of intimacy, many men feel intimacy because of sex. Every time you hear your husband talk about sex, realize he is actually talking about intimacy. It may not be intimacy the way you think of it, but it is intimacy the way he thinks of it (and remember, neither viewpoint is better than the other).

3. When you reject sex, men feel like you are rejecting them. I’m not saying you are. I’m not saying this is right. But I am saying how it most often is. To reject sex feels impersonal to you, but feels very personal to a man. Yet you should still have a right to reject sex. This is one reason I created the 24-hour rule. It gives the wife the ability to reject sex, but gives the husband a set time frame within which sex will occur. “Not now” is given a time-frame. I’m yet to meet a man who dislikes the 24 hour rule.

4. When sex is not a priority for you, men feel like they are not a priority for you. It’s the same as number 3, but just as important. To the extent you make sex a priority, husbands will feel like you have made them a priority. On a regular basis, I meet women who claim their family is a top priority, but they have not sought to understand their husband’s view on sex. While they might think family is their top priority, their husbands will not feel like a top priority.

5. Because it’s important to me, it should be important to you. We do not have the right to tell our spouses what they can and cannot care about. Even if you don’t understand the sexual needs of your spouse, you still have to care about them. If they care about it, you should care about it.

6. You are your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This should be his boundary and your encouragement. God created most men to greatly need sex. If God created men this way and allowed you to marry your husband, then he created you to be your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This is a great pleasure and a great responsibility. While a man is fully responsible for his decision making, it helps to have a partner in the battle against temptation.

Please forgive me because I have lost the original author when I saved this. If anyone knows, let me know. It's probably not what you were looking for but it's really good advice. Please consider sharing this with your DD. Their future marriage will benefit very much with the gained knowledge.


As a man I find this list strangely old fashioned and a bit sexist. That's not to say it's all wrong, it has plenty of good stuff in there, but I take issue with a couple of the points in particular:

1. "When men engage in sex before marriage, they cannot think clearly enough to make the best decision regarding marriage. Sex is so powerful, it clouds the man’s ability to make a rational decision." - When anyone engages in sex before marriage it can or will cloud their judgement, regardless of gender. It is harmful for both parties.

6. "You are your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This should be his boundary and your encouragement. God created most men to greatly need sex. If God created men this way and allowed you to marry your husband, then he created you to be your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This is a great pleasure and a great responsibility. While a man is fully responsible for his decision making, it helps to have a partner in the battle against temptation." - It is NOT a wife's responsibility to 'please' her husband to stop him straying, be it to pornography or another woman's bed. The person who posted this list is correct that the man is fully responsible, but I think misses the point.

I believe God created men and women to need sex. If any aspect of it begins to seem like a duty, you need to take a step back and work out what's going on, and talk about it with your spouse. The sexual relationship is primarily about selfless giving by both husband and wife, by giving all of yourself you make yourself uniquely vulnerable and that leads to the unique intimacy of the marriage bed. Point 6 reads as if the wife should expect to do the giving, and the husband the taking, to help him not look elsewhere for his needs. As a man I actually find that attitude a bit offensive. Perhaps I've misread the intention of the original author.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby IM_a_Farmwife » Sun Feb 22, 2015 10:06 am

@Stumoo I am a bit old fashioned. As you can see from my date of marriage, I am considered an older woman. I have experience under my belt, so to speak. I am following Titus 2:1-5 which says:
Bible
But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.


IM_a_Farmwife wrote:1. Sex is so powerful, do not bring it into a relationship until marriage. As I often tell single women, do not sleep with a man until he is willing to die for you. When men engage in sex before marriage, they cannot think clearly enough to make the best decision regarding marriage. Sex is so powerful, it clouds the man’s ability to make a rational decision.


I was sexually active before I got married. It was before I got saved, never-the-less, it happened. God created men and women to enjoy sex WITHIN MARRIAGE, otherwise it's called fornication and it's a sin. If I had it do over again, I would remain pure before marriage. Some will justify premarital sex, but as to me, I will remain with Jesus. I see things in a whole different light since I got saved. I got saved more than 20 years ago.

IM_a_Farmwife wrote:6. You are your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This should be his boundary and your encouragement. God created most men to greatly need sex. If God created men this way and allowed you to marry your husband, then he created you to be your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This is a great pleasure and a great responsibility. While a man is fully responsible for his decision making, it helps to have a partner in the battle against temptation.


Yes, it's the wife's responsibility to give completely sexually to her husband unconditionally. See 1 Corinthians 7:5. See also Ephesians 5:22-24. It's also the husband's responsibility to love his wife unconditionally. See Ephesians 5:25-28. If this sounds a bit sexist, then, talk to God about it. It's His words that I follow.

I never mentioned duty sex. Duty sex is an attitude problem, not really addressed here.

In number 6, this response is for the new bride. I am addressing only the bride. Some brides don't fully understand their role as a wife, which includes sex (hopefully often, with variety and enthusiasm). Love and respect should flow both ways. If it does not, then you have the "crazy cycle" in a marriage. The crazy cycle is where one spouse's needs are unmet, so they, in turn, refused to met the others' needs. So often I hear about a husband being forced into a sexless marriage because of their wife being a refuser. It also happens with a sexually refusing husband. Ask a sexually refused spouse how they feel everyday. You will, then, get the full picture. I also believe that a spouse can be an emotional refuser (someone who refuses to meet their spouse's emotional needs). It's not what God intended in marriages. I hope this clears things up a bit.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby WifeLover79 » Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:21 pm

Maybe we need a little more "old fashioned" advice in our day and age. In fact, maybe we need a lot. I'm a husband whose wife received NO advice like this going into our marriage, and our marriage paid the price. As a husband with a wife that didn't understand any of this until very recently, I stand by each and every one of the points given by Farmwife. This is advice for a bride, not a groom. I think some of these points may very well be valid for grooms as well, but that isn't the question.

As far as the wife causing the husband to sin unless she fulfills him sexually, I'll say this. A wife doesn't cause sin in the same way starvation doesn't cause binge eating. A spouse that doesn't take sexual fulfillment seriously is taking a huge risk and playing with fire. It makes temptation much harder to resist.

As a man that has experienced all this, I ask all brides to head the words of these wise women. You will not be led astray with this advice, "old fashioned" or not.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby Learning1 » Sun Feb 22, 2015 3:27 pm

I will plunge into this fray. :D

I believe Farming Wife's advice needs significant enhancement :mrgreen: . It's good advice, it is one-sided with a glaring omission.

The Bible speaks to mutuality of the marriage bed. New wives, especially those from a conservative Christian background should understand that sex in marriage is for the pleasure of both husband & wife. All the 6 points are completely one sided, there is no mutuality. The bulleted post reads as if sex is only for the husbands pleasure.

It is missing & lacking in the depth and meaning of sexual pleasure to the wife. It all about the husband needs, which are very important, not to be minimized and should be part of the advice to new bride.

To clarify, I am not advocating taking away from what Farming wife said, it is good advice in instructing new a new wife, but we need to add several bullet points. The main bullet point addition is that the new bride's sexual pleasure & fulfillment is just as important as the new husband's sexual pleasure. The new bride needs to understand this.

Stumoo wrote: The sexual relationship is primarily about selfless giving by both husband and wife, by giving all of yourself you make yourself uniquely vulnerable and that leads to the unique intimacy of the marriage bed.

::clap Well said Stumoo, can I get an Amen on that sentence !
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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby pigweed » Sun Feb 22, 2015 4:10 pm

I want to thank each one for your contributions and keep them coming as you all had good thoughts. Farmwife: I especially appreciated your views and values and having been married for almost 37 years I could say a ringing amen to all of it. You were talking to brides just as I ask. True that sex should be mutual but when talking to brides you tell it like they need to hear it. The one thing that most brides are not prepared for is how much sexual energy a man has and how important respecting the way he was created is? Thank you so much for saving this and sharing it with us. This is many times more valuable than what i could have thought to ask for.
If my wife could have heard this advice back in 1978 instead of her mom telling her daughters that "she never enjoyed sex" and that "a husband does not always need sex when he wants it" it would have made a huge difference in our marriage and as a result we are determined to pass on more of a positive message about sexual intimacy to our 5 daughters only one of which is married yet. Though this was not original with Farmwife, there is just nothing like the voice of experience.
The problem with many young couples today is not different from when we were young and that is that they do not realize what they do not know!! Thanks to all of you for sharing but somehow I feel there is more. Keep it coming! We also meet many couples who are not well adjusted sexually and i think many husbands and quite a few wives feel guilty because they have a higher sex drive than their spouse. The voice of experience backed by people with experience is a powerful thing.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby IM_a_Farmwife » Sun Feb 22, 2015 7:22 pm

Thank you for the compliment, Pigweed. You've got years of experience on me. Perhaps I should be the one asking for advice from you! I'm glad that info helped. You should see what I have prepared to say to our DSs before marriage. :mrgreen: I can almost hear them say, "Oh Mom! Not this talk again!" Yes, I've been very open with both DSs. My DH and I have always been affectionate in front of our DSs. It's been like that from the very beginning, even though my DH is extremely shy. I hope we (my DH and I) gave both of them good living examples of what marriage can be like. I hope neither of them will just settle when it can be really rewarding. Tell your DD that I pray for blessings on their marriage. May they have an extraordinary marriage from the beginning.

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby LifeAbundantly » Wed Feb 25, 2015 9:01 am

I think it depends on where your daughter is at. Does she struggle with her own sexuality? Then helping her see the beauty of sex is definitely important. However if she is already desirous/looking forward to married sex, I'd advise another course... In my own case, I heard things much like what IM_A_Farmwife's list my whole life. I was totally ready to be willingly and happily available to my husband every single day!!! I was instead shocked to find that I had a much higher drive than my husband--a realization that shocked BOTH of us and resulted in several months of emotional/sexual problems. We're almost out of the tunnel now--thanks some really good counseling.

My take away? Intimacy is more important than sex. Intimacy does not ALWAYS equal sex for men--men can feel used sexually just as much as women, and can be affected by stress and disharmony. As a couple, your daughter and her FH need to connect: Spiritually, Emotionally, Intellectually, AND sexually. --and physical intimacy should naturally flow from the other intimacies. Sex is not a "duty" (aka a commodity, something you "give" or take!)--it's an intimacy, a loving, trusting (playful!) intimacy between two lovers.

Logistical things: We were married this fall. I did stretching ahead of time, it still took a few days to get "through everything." We traveled a lot (first/second day) and I wish we hadn't! But we had a very relaxing honeymoon--beautiful cottage, things to do but not long or too many. Longer honeymoon would have been nice. ;-) :-D DH prematurely O'd, but then neither of us did subsequently the first night. -- but I think I O'd the second day! He was on top (we both prefer this, and due to our personal physics me on top has never resulted in Os for either of us! hah!) Both of us were virgins, and had previously experienced MBing). My DH and I had EXTENSIVE (and anatomically explicit) conversations about sex/wedding-night/children during engagement. THIS WAS A GREAT THING, we learned a lot and were able to be on the same page going into marriage. But--of course--we could not know about our different drives/misconceptions. ;-) Like I said, we both experienced a few months of difficulties--which brings me back to my original point, that your daughter should know that the wedding night is not the pinnacle of marital bliss, hehe (thank goodness!), but the beginning of a wonderful journey. :-)

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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby Stumoo » Fri Feb 27, 2015 6:29 am

Hey Farmwife

IM_a_Farmwife wrote:1. Sex is so powerful, do not bring it into a relationship until marriage. As I often tell single women, do not sleep with a man until he is willing to die for you. When men engage in sex before marriage, they cannot think clearly enough to make the best decision regarding marriage. Sex is so powerful, it clouds the man’s ability to make a rational decision.

I was sexually active before I got married. It was before I got saved, never-the-less, it happened. God created men and women to enjoy sex WITHIN MARRIAGE, otherwise it's called fornication and it's a sin. If I had it do over again, I would remain pure before marriage. Some will justify premarital sex, but as to me, I will remain with Jesus. I see things in a whole different light since I got saved. I got saved more than 20 years ago.


Ok, so from experience you know that premarital sex is bad for the woman as well as the man. Point one in the list made no mention whatsoever of the damage the sin of fornication can do to the woman - and this is a list directed at women! A glaring omission, I feel, but thank you for rectifying it with your own comments :D

IM_a_Farmwife wrote:6. You are your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This should be his boundary and your encouragement. God created most men to greatly need sex. If God created men this way and allowed you to marry your husband, then he created you to be your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This is a great pleasure and a great responsibility. While a man is fully responsible for his decision making, it helps to have a partner in the battle against temptation.

Yes, it's the wife's responsibility to give completely sexually to her husband unconditionally. See 1 Corinthians 7:5. See also Ephesians 5:22-24. It's also the husband's responsibility to love his wife unconditionally. See Ephesians 5:25-28. If this sounds a bit sexist, then, talk to God about it. It's His words that I follow.


The teaching in Corinthians informed my comment about the selfless intimacy of the marriage bed - so I have no problem with what the Bible says on the matter!

IM_a_Farmwife wrote:I never mentioned duty sex. Duty sex is an attitude problem, not really addressed here.


Yes agreed - but the list does not set the new bride up to expect much, if anything, back from her husband in the marriage bed, a point also noted by Learning1. This won't be a problem if he enters the marriage with a selfless attitude to sex, as he will give anyway and be immensely more fulfilled than if he just takes. However, if he's the type to skip foreplay, rush to the finish and then turn over and start snoring, this list does not give any strong indication to the new wife that there's something wrong with that.

IM_a_Farmwife wrote:In number 6, this response is for the new bride. I am addressing only the bride. Some brides don't fully understand their role as a wife, which includes sex (hopefully often, with variety and enthusiasm). Love and respect should flow both ways. If it does not, then you have the "crazy cycle" in a marriage. The crazy cycle is where one spouse's needs are unmet, so they, in turn, refused to met the others' needs. So often I hear about a husband being forced into a sexless marriage because of their wife being a refuser. It also happens with a sexually refusing husband. Ask a sexually refused spouse how they feel everyday. You will, then, get the full picture. I also believe that a spouse can be an emotional refuser (someone who refuses to meet their spouse's emotional needs). It's not what God intended in marriages. I hope this clears things up a bit.


Wonderful, that has a true ring of wisdom :-)

chrisv
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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby chrisv » Tue Feb 23, 2016 8:06 am

The post from the member Learning1 had mentioned you need to consider how much travel time to your honeymoon destination and when to travel. This is a huge consideration for a destination wedding or a destination honeymoon. If you're traveling for your big day or honeymoon the weather at your end destination can be completely different from where you live. For example, we were married in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and spent our honeymoon there.

Coming from Oklahoma City, the central pacific side of Mexico in December has great weather, but you have to watch out for the rainy season. We had nothing but great weather, but working with a skilled travel agent, they would be able to assist with this and other details. A destination wedding can be a great experience, but there is a lot of planning and hand holding that is needed. For example, most destination weddings involve a wedding concierge team, pre-travel wedding planner, resort wedding planner, and a local destination wedding travel agency.

The teams can assist on advise on the hotels / resorts for the time of year and the different locations on property for the ceremony, documentation needed for your chosen destination, additional activities you would like to include during your stay and more.

Chris

girliegirl511
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Date of your marriage (past or future): December 15th, 2013
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Re: What two things should a bride know about the wedding ni

Postby girliegirl511 » Tue Feb 23, 2016 4:54 pm

Our view of a honeymoon wasn't to site see or travel the world. Even traveling to a tropical place didn't appeal to me. We were married in December but the weather at the beach(east coast) wasn't too bad and with grandparents beach house, we were set. Encourage them to use the honeymoon to get to know each other, emotionally and physically more intimately. It's learning how to work 24/7 as a couple. And learning that in the privacy of a home was the perfect place. Even though we had a full kitchen(previous renter actually stole something so we replaced it for my grandparents whole there lol), we only used it for lunches. We still went out for dinner...and it may've been Chick-Fil-A once or twice.

If they have their first home/apartment ready by the wedding, I would choose that over a luxury hotel. Hotels gross me out, especially the bathrooms. Knowing we could take a bath in a tub I cleaned out my mind at ease. And laying on bedding that was clean also made my nerves calmer. We took our time on our wedding night...no pressure but we did consummate our marriage. The next day we left for the beach when we wanted to and didn't have to worry about catching a flight.

It's little things like the hotel on the wedding night, traveling ect that made a huge difference for us on our honeymoon.


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