Shower together first?

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
sd595
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Re: Shower together first?

Postby sd595 » Sat Apr 04, 2015 2:13 pm

poetess wrote:who believes in male leadership and a wife's willing, voluntary submission to that loving leadership.


I agree with this as well.

I don't want to come across as saying that a husband should be demanding, rude, or impatient. But I do want to advise husbands and wives to relate to each other as the bible says they should because I think it will be a blessing to them both and their marriage will be right before the Lord.

I think this is one of those things that a husband may not fully understand his wife's feelings about and a wife may not understand a husband's feelings about. I agree with the earlier post that said the wedding may be more about her and the wedding night more about him. For this reason, I think a wise wife should be very careful to encourage that first evening to be more about him that her. I'm not saying it isn't important for her, don't misunderstand that. I just don't think an hours shower and two hours before clothes coming off are going to be encouraging for him.
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Re: Shower together first?

Postby poetess » Sat Apr 04, 2015 2:53 pm

I think a wise wife should be very careful to encourage that first evening to be more about him that her.


No, sorry, I can't agree with this. I think the very nature of it is that the night may be more about him than her (he's more likely to have an orgasm, for example, and she is more likely to have pain). But the first evening should be about them and not primarily about one or the other. If she needs an hour in the bathroom to get ready, or whatever, then she needs that. If they're making it all about him, then she probably won't be well aroused, probably won't have an orgasm, and very likely will not have a good experience that gives her the fond memories of their wedding night on which to build.
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Re: Shower together first?

Postby Leah » Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:14 pm

Here's what I think: I think you and your fiancee should talk about it and have a very flexible plan in place. Whatever you decide, you really should decide not to be diappointed if Plan A doesn't happen. Plan B might be what you need, and Plan C might be the best of all.
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Re: Shower together first?

Postby Job29Man » Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:22 pm

What Leah said. Simple, flexible, presumes good will.
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Postby Job29Man » Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:26 pm

Reminder: Let's stick to the OP please. He has said nothing about one hour showers, nothing about two hours to come to bed. Let's not put words into ANYone's mouth. I've seen offense taken at things that were not said, but at what was imagined. If you've answered the OP's question, please move on or at least stay on a track that does not extrapolate to any extreme. Please presume goodwill unless it's clear that there's not. May the Peace of Christ be with us all!

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Shower together first?

Postby padsnd » Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:34 pm

poetess wrote:If they're making it all about him, then she probably won't be well aroused, probably won't have an orgasm, and very likely will not have a good experience that gives her the fond memories of their wedding night on which to build.


Poetess,

You are absolutely correct in this, but the other side of the coin is equally true. I know men who 10 or more years later cannot think or talk about their wedding, wedding night, honeymoon, or even first years with anything but emotional pain over how they were treated. There is a danger in things not being mutual in the MB, and they are not mutual when one person decides everything.


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Re: Shower together first?

Postby poetess » Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:57 am

padsnd, I truly am sorry your marriage got off on the wrong foot that way.

I'm definitely not saying one person should "decide everything," not even the first night. Hypothetically the new bride may want to shower together that night and the groom doesn't feel comfortable doing that, or she wants him to wear some tiny little bikini underwear that night and he feels they would look silly and would be counter to the way he wants to approach the marriage bed that first time; he may feel OK with them later, but that first night he just needs something that makes him feel manly. Or she wants to go straight into intercourse, but he's afraid he'll lose his erection too quickly and he wants a few more minutes of foreplay first. Or she wants no light at all, and he needs at least enough to see what he's doing since he has never done it before!

(edited)
Last edited by poetess on Mon Apr 06, 2015 5:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Shower together first?

Postby princessrhani » Sun Apr 05, 2015 4:55 pm

I wore my wedding lingerie underneath my dress and then had planned to change into a sexy night dress with sexy g string. It didn't go exactly to plan lol. He undressed me, and we had planned to hop in the spa bath together (I think other countries call this a jacuzzi?).. He undressed me and we started the spa (which I ended up flooding!) so we stood there naked together while we freaked out trying to turn the spa off, bubbles everywhere and water EVERYWHERE in a very expensive hotel. My advice is just don't overthink it - whatever happens will happen. We still laugh about it to this day!!! I don't even think we had sex on our first night together because we were so exhausted and tired lol.


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Re: Shower together first?

Postby gracehusband » Sun Apr 05, 2015 7:16 pm

My prayer is that 25 years from now the OP and his wife are enjoying an anniversary dinner and he looks at her and asked, “Do you remember how how very concerned I was about whether or not we should shower together on our wedding night?”

DW: Mmmmm. It sounds familiar, but I had so much planning to do back then and was so excited about our wedding I’m not sure. But that’s just like you. How sweet.
OP: Really. I wanted everything to be perfect, down to the last detail.
DW: I love you!
OP: I remember belonging to a Christian web site dealing with marriage and sex. I even asked them what they thought.
DW: Wow. What did they say?
OP: Mmmmm. I recall lots and lots of good comments and ideas, but can’t remember anything specific. Oh well.
DW: I’d love to see that. Lets ask your smart watch to find the archives on that sight. Bet its still there!
OP: Maybe. We’ll see.
OP: Hey. Did we shower together that first night?
DW: Yep.
OP: Before or after we made love?
DW: Don’t remember. You're so sweet!
OP: I love you.

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Re: Shower together first?

Postby MrMarried » Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:40 am

Whatever floats your boat. My wife and I were both virgins. When it came time for the wedding night, I didn't care anything for lingerie. I wanted to see her not the lingerie. We took a bath, but she didn't want to wash her hair, and it turned out, she liked nearly luke-warm water, which wasn't what I was used to. She wanted a bath so she wouldn't wet her hair. I don't know if she just didn't want to bother with wetting her hair or if she wanted to hang on the stylists hairdo for a while. But I wish she'd have washed it because her scalp got irritated a day or so later. Maybe it was the hairspray. Holding her in the bath was an enjoyable first experience, though.

Taking a shower or bath first is a good idea, especially if you've had a long day, and even moreso if it is hot. We usually shower or wash up first nowadays, too. You could mention the idea that you want to shower first without any long conversations about the activities afterward to get you worked up. You could mention that you want to make love the first night. It seems like some new brides, probably a minority, are unaware of how important this is to their husbands.

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Re: Shower together first?

Postby girliegirl511 » Thu Apr 16, 2015 6:30 am

I showered on my wedding night, but left my hair up. I felt hot, germy from people hugging me and wanted the sticky make up off. And needed a few minutes to collect myself. We had talked about this before the wedding, and DH knew I'd be worried about smearing make up on a pillowcase I wouldnt be able to fully concentrate on us. So we showered. We spent our wedding night in our home so DH showered in another room. I wanted to wear lingerie and not feel totally exposed at first. But everyone is different, everyone has their own little quirks or routines that make us wonderfully unique.

The bath together came the next night in our hotel. That was a whole new aet of awkwardness that I'm glad we waited until the 2nd night. But again, there are NO set rules for your wedding night. You do what is comfortable for you and you bride or groom :) And just ENJOY being naked together! :wink:

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Re: Shower together first?

Postby George B. » Thu Apr 16, 2015 6:36 am

we didn't shower, but we did get in the hot tub together. I let her get in first so she was more or less covered by the water and bubbles and then had her close her eyes and then got in. Things proceeded quite well from there.

Unfortunately, the combination of hot water and not having eaten well kind of got to my bride, and she nearly passed out after a few minutes of fun. I had to half carry her down the stairs back down to the bedroom. She recovered after that and things went fine after that, more or less. We like to joke that she nearly passed out when she saw my erection for the first time. :mrgreen:

As I recall, there was awkwardness at all for either of us, but that's just us. We're both very comfortable with our bodies and always have been, so much of this was a nonissue for us.
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Re: Shower together first?

Postby pinklemonade » Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:36 pm

Don't feel like you HAVE to incorporate lingerie into your wedding night - we did not exactly for this reason. I couldn't wear a bra even under my dress. We actually just got naked and hopped in a jacuzzi together to start off the night. Do whatever feels right to you - if you want lingerie then there are lots of creative ways to make it work. If not, that's ok too. I found I had more than enough opportunities on my honeymoon to show off all the lingerie :)


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Re: Shower together first?

Postby mary4 » Mon Apr 27, 2015 2:32 am

I am soon to be married. There past days I read some christian blogs about intimacy, purchased a few books(Music sheet and the gift of sex) so I can be prepared and have my homework done. I am a bit frustrated because I don't really have persons to whom I can talk face-to-face but. oh well.
I was thinking about this issue. I think we would like to shower together. But what I want to ask, did anyone had sex while showering? What about birth-control options. Like if we stick to the condom, it is obvious that while getting to know each other in the shower or bathtub you can't really do this. But still, what if some leakage occurs? What I would like to know is: can you fully be engaged in this moment without thinking you might get pregnant?
I am sorry if this is a no-brain question and appreciate the responses.

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Re: Shower together first?

Postby George B. » Mon Apr 27, 2015 2:50 am

if you're just playing around in the shower and orgasm happens for him, it's highly unlikely that pregnancy will result unless he's actually inside you or maybe if he ejaculates on or near the entrance to your vagina. The combination of water and soap makes this less likely, however.

I would suggest that you make showering together time to explore one another and play but not to engage in your first intercourse, for sure. Shower sex is, in my opinion, too complicated for the first time sex together.

My wife and I got into the jacuzzi together and that's where we saw each other naked for the first time on our wedding night. I did give her an orgasm in the jacuzzi, but we didn't have intercourse until much later.
On sex: "Neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them."-C.S. Lewis

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Re: Shower together first?

Postby Romantic Husband » Mon Apr 27, 2015 9:30 am

I think George B. has given you good advice. The first few times we showered together, it was all about exploring and playing together - no intercourse until much later. Birth control was not a problem for the shower; we were using the pill.

I'm glad you're preparing and thinking about these things. You are going to be a blessing to your future husband. I hope he's preparing as well.
Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.


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