Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
Berean
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Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Tue Jul 26, 2016 10:11 am

Hi,

I am a Christian man pushing 30, and I am marrying a lovely Christian woman in her 20s in several months, and am absolutely head over heels in love with her. And she is CRAZY about me. We love each other, have a close emotional relationship, and are very attracted to each other, but have boundaries in place and chaperones to help keep us accountable before marriage. We pray a lot together and are undergoing Christian premarital counseling and are assured that this marriage is God's will.

My question regards our wedding night.
I had a very sheltered life growing up, and she did not. I have never had any sexual experiences with anyone. She went through an ill-fated relationship with a man in college, and for a couple of years they pretty much lived together. She has, of course, repented and asked me to forgive her for not waiting, and of course, I did.

We are both excited about our wedding night, of course, when we can finally "take the brakes off". As I mentioned before, we are very careful about keeping pure until then, and we have many rules in place to prevent mistakes, and are not even going to kiss until our wedding.

My question is, we have discussed sex a bit, and she seems very sexually knowledgeable, and told me that she knows what gets her aroused, knows what kinds of stimulation bring her orgasms, knows what she wants her man to do in bed, etc.

On my side of the equation, I feel like I know so little about sex.

I am sometimes nervous about our wedding night, because I want to make my bride happy in bed, but sex is a great mystery to me. Also, I suppose it may just be some pride in me, but I want to satisfy her as well as her previous man did -- if not better.

I have told her about my feelings of cluelessness and nervousness about sex, and she assured me not to worry. She has told me she wants me to just relax on our wedding night and let her give me a wonderful time.

How should our wedding night look? Is it okay for me to just relax and let her take the lead?
Because I always was taught that the husband is supposed to take the lead in bed.

I would appreciate any advice on this subject, especially from Christian couples who had a similar situation to us when they got married. Thanks!

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Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Husband_In_Training » Tue Jul 26, 2016 11:21 am

Berean wrote:She has told me she wants me to just relax on our wedding night and let her give me a wonderful time.


Wow - You're a blessed man to have found a woman like that! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

A significant number of men will never have an opportunity of their wife taking such an active role in the marriage bed. Behind closed doors does it really matter who is satisfying who as long as you are mutually following what the Bible says about sex in Christian marriage? You are in this together for life and you'll have lots of opportunity for every combination of who does what.

Look at it this way - In the next 10 years alone, you'll have 3,600+ chances to take charge. But if your wife wants to take the opportunities to please you - awesome! The good news is she's going into this with the expectation of an active sex life! Many people experience the exact opposite once they get into the marriage - which can quickly become [emotionally] painful.

As for inexperience - now is the time to go educate yourself. A great start would be to read, 'Sheet Music' by Dr. Kevin Leman. He describes learning to have sex as being similar to making beautiful music with a Stradivarius violin the first time you ever try. It takes practice - lots of practice. The good news is this sort of 'practice' is a lot of fun. :-)

Don't worry about things too much. Educate yourself on the basics and then go have fun and be determined to always keep a good attitude. It will be awkward and things won't go right all the time - but if you can laugh and have fun with it - you'll eventually become an expert. :-)

Blessings to your marriage.

-HIT

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Tue Jul 26, 2016 12:40 pm

Thank you very much for your reply, I really appreciate it.

And yes, trust me, I KNOW that I am a truly blessed man on so many different levels.
And I am so glad I prayed and let the Lord lead me to her.

God bless!

-Berean

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Romantic Husband » Tue Jul 26, 2016 2:56 pm

Berean, HIT has given you some great advice, and expressed it better than I ever could. I would just say that no matter how much or how little experience each of you has, every marriage relationship is different. In my case, although we were both virgins, I felt that I knew exactly what to expect. After all, I was a sophisticated college graduate, right?

I couldn't have been more wrong. We learned so much from each other in the bedroom, and after 38 years we are still learning, still getting better. The two of you will write your unique story together.

You future wife wants to give you a great gift on your wedding night. I urge you to allow her to do this. As for your performance, let's just say that it's the most natural thing in the world, and with her help, you'll do just fine.

May God bless your marriage and grant you many years of happiness together.
Last edited by Romantic Husband on Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Berean
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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Tue Jul 26, 2016 3:41 pm

Amen, praise God... I am greatly encouraged, thank you.

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby God's Geek » Tue Jul 26, 2016 4:43 pm

Berean wrote:Also, I suppose it may just be some pride in me, but I want to satisfy her as well as her previous man did -- if not better.


Berean,

I want to encourage you to take these thoughts captive and submit them to the Lord. If you approach your marriage bed feeling as if you are under the shadow of her previous experience, it will haunt you and eat at you. If you truly forgive her and give her grace over her past, then YOU are all that will matter. Your relationship with her is and will be especially unique and no other experience will matter.

You will both be pledging yourselves to each other exclusively, to the exclusion of ALL others, even those from the past. Leave them there.

Congratulations brother!!

GG
Saddle up your horses, we got a trail to blaze; Through the wild blue yonder, of God's amazing grace!
Lets follow our leader, into the great unknown; This is a life like no other, this is the GREAT ADVENTURE!
-Steven Curtis Chapman

Berean
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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:10 pm

AMEN...

Thank you brother and God bless!

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby gymaddict » Wed Jul 27, 2016 2:34 pm

Several tips for you Berean:

1. You have the best of ALL worlds in what you posted. I wish I had had your situation.

2. Let your sweetie take full control of pleasuring you and teaching you. Dont flinch, respond negatively in body language or words to any way she wants to pleasure you in any part of your body including anal touching and even prostate massage if she choses to go there. Relax and receive it graciously with words and sounds of approval and appreciation.

3. Let her teach you how she wants to be touched, loved, pleasured, including positions that light her fire. You and she have a lifetime for you to learn to take the lead and you will be doing so shorty. But bro, how fortunate you are to have this opportunity and this open avenue for discussion on what pleases her. You and she are the only two people that matter in this sexual equation and how blessed you are that she wants to take the lead. Many men, including myself, envy your opportunity even after 45 years of marriage for me.

4. Don't bring up or say a word about her former lover. Let her tell you what she wants. Don't ask questions and as someone on this forum has said, don't fall into the trap of even thinking or asking about him. Put him out of your head. She has chosen you, not her non Christian fornicating partner. FOR SURE, don't ask your sweetie about his size because you might just spend a lifetime wondering if you measure up. It is YOU she has chosen to share her life with.

5. I am excited for you bro. Just wish I had had that type opportunity. I have had a lifetime of getting my sweetie out of a mindset that sex is something a man does to a woman-----with me doing the initiating 98% of the time.

Berean
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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:09 pm

Thank you for your encouragement and advice, brother.

And wow, everyone on this forum has reminded me how truly blessed I am...

May God bless you,
Berean

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby gymaddict » Thu Jul 28, 2016 12:34 pm

Bro

You're welcome. I hope you are getting excited. A friend of mine told me that his wife gave him oral sex out of the blue as they drove to their honeymoon suite. As a young guy, he almost wrecked his car and had to pull over in the nighttime because of the intensity.

I hope you are getting excited about your marriage which will complete you as a man in a manner that only sexual intimacy can bring to a mans psyche and body.

God sure knew what he was doing when he made woman.

How long do you have to wait as the excitement of your great day builds???

Berean
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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Thu Jul 28, 2016 1:36 pm

Thanks,

For five months, but am very busy finishing up a degree and working full time. So the time will go by quickly.

God Bless,

Berean

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby SLS » Thu Jul 28, 2016 6:22 pm

Welcome to the boards Berean. You will find great advice here on sexual intimacy in marriage from a Christian perspective.

Berean wrote:On my side of the equation, I feel like I know so little about sex.


Well this is the perfect time to learn. :D I encourage you to take some time over the next 5 months to fill in the gaps of your sexual knowledge. There are plenty of Christian resources you can go to for information about sex. This board, sites like Generous Husband and Christian Friendly Sex Positions, and books like "Sheet Music" by Leman and "Celebration of Sex" by Douglas Rosenau are great resources.

Also start thinking about what you desire sexually and things you would like to do in the MB so you can try them out once you get married. You may find that you really like a certain act you wanted to do before y'all got married. You may find that you don't like a certain act that you thought you would like before. That is perfectly fine. Figuring out each other’s likes and dislikes is one of the many fun parts of sex in marriage.

How should our wedding night look? Is it okay for me to just relax and let her take the lead?
Because I always was taught that the husband is supposed to take the lead in bed.


In the marriage bed both the husband and the wife are allowed to take the lead. It is perfectly okay for your wife to take the lead on the wedding night. Trust me, nothing is sexier than a confidant woman in the bedroom. If she wants to put on a show for you then let her. :D

If y'all decide to let her take the lead be sure to complement her as she does so. Let her know how good she is making you feel, tell her how much you love her, tell her how great her body looks etc. Also be attentive to her sexual needs and desires. Ask her what feels good and what doesn't. Take the time to learn her body and how it responds sexually. Be patient and understanding.

Finally understand that sex, like any other activity, requires practice to make perfect. Sex will likely be awkward for both of you the first time around and that is fine. Neither of you will be perfect lovers overnight. It took 4 months before I could give DW an orgasm so don't feel defeated if you can't give your wife an O immediately. Being a good lover is not about technique, it is about your attitude. If you are willing to be a generous lover and take the time and effort needed to satisfy your wife you will be a good lover.

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby tjw » Thu Jul 28, 2016 6:34 pm

I'm new and don't have any advice for you but I wanted you to know that I'm praying that God will give you a wonderful and happy marriage
and marriage bed.

Berean
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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:12 am

Thanks, SLS, for your great advice. I appreciate all of the pointers I've been given by so many people here!

God bless,
Berean

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Re: Wedding Night/Different Sexual Experience Level

Postby Berean » Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:13 am

tjw wrote:I'm new and don't have any advice for you but I wanted you to know that I'm praying that God will give you a wonderful and happy marriage
and marriage bed.


Wow, thank you so much!
As a man of prayer, that means a great deal to me. Thanks for your prayer and God bless you.

-Berean


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