Marriage Bed Vows

What's supposed to happen on the wedding night? Will it hurt? What if I'm not a virgin? ...
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Marriage Bed Vows

Postby Job29Man » Wed Aug 24, 2016 4:10 am

In the "first night sex" thread, » Wed Aug 24, 2016 12:42 am

Girliegirl511 is in her 20s, her husband in his 40s. He was a widower. Before they married they worked together to create these "Marriage Bed Vows" that IMO are inspirational!

This is some of the BEST sex advice you will ever read!

I think ALL engaged couples would do well to create their own such vows and keep them. If you want to; write them down, even sign them, not as a contract but as a beautiful gift of love.

girliegirl511 wrote:Because DH was a widower, he had more insight on the marriage bed. And my posts before you can see that I was nervous about being compared to his 1st wife. All of those fears disappeared through prayer, counseling and DH being sensitive. So we decided to write our own marriage bed vows, that we read on our wedding night. Some are specific some, some are general.

They go something like this:

I promise to never refuse(Barring any major medical problems/concerns. There was 1 week in our 6 month of marriage that a nerve in my back was pinched, so I was on narcotics, muscle relaxers & complete bedrest. 1 week DH had the flu, delivery after pregnancy ect...)
I promise to always be open to anything DH/DW suggests
I promise to always be open with DH/DW if an attraction to someone begins(excluding jokes)
I promise to never withhold sex during an argument
I promise when together to always sleep in the same bed, even if we're angry with the other(There have been 2 big arguments that have been resolved just b/c of going to bed with each other. No sex because we're still upset but the issue is resolved)
I promise to go to bed if DH/DW goes to bed first [i](Finish the task and don't start something else..women this will be hard!)
I promise to never use sex as a reward (There is teasing, i.e. DH will finish something on his honey do list and say 'What's my reward/payment' but to us that's flirting and verbal foreplay)
I promise to always put DH/DW first before all others
I promise to always put DH/DW first before our children(co-sleeping ends after baby can sleep longer than 3 hours)
I promise to always stand by DH/DW before our families
I promise to always treat our marriage bed sacred and holy
I promise to always communicate what I like and don't like
I promise to never hold back
I promise to always be open to God's direction with children
I promise to always be open and honest with our children about sex
I promise to always teach our children that our bedroom is off limits when door is closed
I promise to never negatively discuss our sex life with anyone except a counselor and___________________(We each picked 1 person, a female and male mentor. My mentor helped me tremendously before my wedding night.)
I promise to keep our bedroom a safe & relaxing environment(We chose to deep clean our room 2x week, to maintain an inviting place. Does it always happen? No, but it's pretty darn close...98.9% of the time)
I promise to pray together 1x week (We come together in our bed and pray for our marriage bed)

Hopefully this helps someone! Most of them are pretty practical and things most people already do. But we wanted them written out and framed. We had our marriage vows that we said during our ceremony hung over our bed. I don't want to put down DH's 1st wife, but DH has read this and given my permission to explain. Their children were put 1st in their marriage and their sex life wasn't a priority, DH wanted to change that in our marriage.

I want to explain the children and sex one. Because DH's sons are older we added this one. They needed to know that their Dad loves me and isn't afraid to show it. And that sex is a beautiful part of marriage, that shouldn't be talked about like it's a bad thing...which is what our parents did. Now do we explicitly make out in front of them? No. But we don't hide or feel embarrassed when they do catch us in the kitchen.
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Re: Marriage Bed Vows

Postby PanhandleRed » Tue Sep 20, 2016 7:59 pm

Interesting about the co-sleeping and baby sleeping longer than 3 hours. We have five children and they all slept in our bed until they slept solidly through the night. And that never hindered our sex or our emotional intimacy. If anything, it helped. My husband doesn't want me to be exhausted. Getting up out of bed multiple times a night to try and settle a baby ... that turns a woman into a zombie real quick.

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Re: Marriage Bed Vows

Postby HisLadybug » Tue Sep 20, 2016 11:58 pm

Agreed. I need sleep and I refuse to get up at night so I can nurse a baby. Current baby is 1 and starts the night by himself on a floor bed but when I'm ready to sleep he comes into our bed. We make sexy things happen before he joins us. But then mama needs her sleep.
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Re: Marriage Bed Vows

Postby girliegirl511 » Thu Sep 22, 2016 9:47 pm

Sorry I should've clarified! DD1 slept in our bed until she was 5 months old and we transferred her to a bassinet, that did pull close to our bed. She slept in our room until 13 months when we transitioned her to her own room. Now DD2 is a couple weeks old and she does sleep in our bed.
I mean there were nights that I didn't put DD1 in the bassinet after 5 months! We made a vow, but things like that aren't written in cement. There are nights, especially the first 3 months I don't think I tonight haha While DH is snoring loudly :? :roll:

However, those vows do give us a guideline and peace of mind. Long story short it had been a bad day for everyone, but seeing that "co-sleeping ends" was a reminder that this was just a season and fleeting at that.

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