Ken Nair's Books

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danman

Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby danman » Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:38 pm

KyWildcat wrote:
jedevane wrote:
Anyone who claims that 100% of the problems in 100% of marriages belong to the men is 100% wrong and has a poor understanding of scripture to the point at which I wonder if they can even read.

$0.02 from someone that hasn't read the book.

KW[/color]




Again I will say:----------> SPIRITUAL C-O-N-D-I-T-I-O-N....NOT FAULT!!!!! as was stated in this post I quoted.............lets get it right and stay on the same page....... look n listen!

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby Seekryt » Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:13 pm

I'm so confused.
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Ken Nair's Books

Postby mamame » Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:41 pm

You're not the only one!

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby LovesGG » Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:19 pm

Isn't it interesting that the only ones speaking in favor seem to be associates of this man?

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby KyWildcat » Wed Feb 02, 2011 6:38 am

danman wrote:Nice avoidance though....u know popping with the convenient phrase, "oh it's all the mans FAULT again" lets all blame the man...............rather we should look in the mirror (our wife) and take a good look @ what is going on.

Thanks for pointing out another issue I have with Nair, Joel & Kathy, et al.

Women, wives, are responders only. Like a woman can't have a unique selfish thought unless it's in response to sinful influence. :roll:
Marriage will show your immaturity and selfishness faster than anything on earth. You either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby KyWildcat » Wed Feb 02, 2011 6:45 am

danman wrote:It may not be your "fault", but, and, or, never the less the spiritual condition in the home is still on your/our/mans shoulders......not the woman. Never in the Bible is the woman instructed to Love the man...only the man is instructed to love the vessel that is not as strong. Like 1Pet says.....to live with her in an understanding way so your prayers will not be hindered.

100% of spiritual condition........ not fault!!!!

So, since Christ is the perfect example of what you are suggesting, the perfect spiritual leader loving the weaker vessel in an understanding way, then, using your logic, every woman introduced to the man Jesus will absolutely accept salvation. Correct?

How's that working out statistically speaking?
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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby KyWildcat » Wed Feb 02, 2011 6:55 am

Updated link to review of Discovering the Mind of a Woman by Ken Nair.

An excerpt of the review:

Gary Gilley wrote:Nair believes:
  1. That God speaks through the wife to her husband (pp. 45, 49, 64, 79, 166, 176, 213, 232).
  2. If the Holy Spirit is in control of the man’s life he will be able to read his wife’s thoughts (pp. 113, 119).
  3. The husband controls his wife’s emotions and behavior. She has no choice, Nair claims, but to respond to the husband’s behavior. If he behaves sinfully then she will respond in kind—she can’t help herself (pp. 79, 84, 89, 132, 138-139, 155, 176, 241). Even weight gain is the husband’s fault (pp. 97-98).
In addition, Nair projects a truly unfortunate and distorted understanding of the sexual relationship in marriage (chapter 13).

#3 sounds much like what Dr. Eggrichs calls The Crazy Cycle, though Dr. Eggrichs doesn't ascribe control to either gender. Dr. Eggrichs instead points out that both are sinners and when they are wounded by their spouse's words or actions they will likely react in kind to their spouse. This begins a spin on The Crazy Cycle. This is what you will find with Nair and his ilk. There is just enough truth in there to mask the lies.

I can and do recommend Dr. Eggrichs book Love and Respect.
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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby notaugustine » Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:26 pm

danman wrote:The old idiom.......COP OUT!

Let me clear up all the smoke in here. A friend sent me a link to this site and I feel a reply is needed:

Simple--------> 100% of the spiritual condition in the home.................NOT---NOT----NOT----NOT----NOT NOT NOT FAULT!!! Thus the use of the word "Cop out"

That is what Ken is saying. We also spent much time with him and the staff.....So I do know what I am saying. There are some things I do not agree with this is not one of them.

Nice avoidance though....u know popping with the convenient phrase, "oh it's all the mans FAULT again" lets all blame the man...............rather we should look in the mirror (our wife) and take a good look @ what is going on.

It may not be your "fault", but, and, or, never the less the spiritual condition in the home is still on your/our/mans shoulders......not the woman. Never in the Bible is the woman instructed to Love the man...only the man is instructed to love the vessel that is not as strong. Like 1Pet says.....to live with her in an understanding way so your prayers will not be hindered.

100% of spiritual condition........ not fault!!!!

A few questions Danman.

First, is Christ 100% responsible for the spiritual condition of His church?

Second, you say "Never in the bible is the woman instructed to love the man...."

Did you factor Titus 2:4 into that statement?

Third, where in the bible does it ever suggest that the wife is the "mirror" in which men look to see their own Christlikeness (or lack thereof)?

Fourth, lets assume you can find suitable substantiation for the third point, would you agree that, at the very least, the mirror is tarnished by sin just as man's character is tarnished by sin?

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby Leah » Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:27 pm

notaugustine: +1
Leah

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby mwgrigs » Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:49 pm

Wow! It seems that there is a great deal of angst from Ken Nair's writing. I have not yet finished the book, but I can say this: nearly every comment and expression has resonated positively within me. So who am I? Nobody really. Just Joe-Christian trying to have a better marriage. I am a divorcee working on his second marriage, which has been teetering on the brink of divorce since literally the first week of our now 8-year marriage! 5 days ago I began reading Nair's book and, attempting to respond to its call with blatant trepidation, I can testify that I have seen an awakened wife, a revived marriage and a renewed hunger for following the reality of Christ.

Five days is not much of a trend and you might chalk it up to beginner's luck, or even that my wife and I already had something there to work with. However, I believe that my success--embryonic as it may be--has little to do with Nair's book and everything to do with what Nair's book points to: Endeavoring to live like Christ in every area of my life and living with my wife in an understanding way. Nair uses the book, and its universal man-vs-woman-conflict platform, as a reminder and call to the reader to live like Christ and to live with his wife in an understanding way. If there is error in how he presents those principles, then so be it; God is big enough to handle that, but don't miss the proverbial forest for the trees. God is mighty enough to use all things and work them together for the good of those who are called according to his purposes...even a book about understanding the mind of a woman by an author who may or may not have presented it perfectly. I don't know Ken Nair and I have no agenda for defending him; if needed, that's God's job. What I do know is that my dead marriage, which was heading at breakneck speeds towards divorce, has received a shot in the arm for real growth and maturity; and this with a woman who has been labeled as rebellious, unsubmissive, strong-willed and self-absorbed by Christian leaders. What's different is me; she doesn't even know that I'm reading the book! As I set my eyes on God endeavoring to live like Christ and live with my wife in an understanding way, my marriage has begun to change and my wife, has responded to my leadership; to my action. Rest assured, that it if reading this book has done one thing, it has surely spurred me, with greater resolve, to live like Christ and live with her in an understanding way!

For husbands who have not yet read the book, I highly encourage you to read it and I challenge you to live as Christ in all that you do and live with your wife in an understanding way and learn (actually study) what it means to prefer others' needs (especially your wife's) above your own, letting God be your rewarder as you diligently seek him. For those who have read the book and found only error, I challenge you to submit yourself to an honest examination by your wife as to how Christlike you are living and then take her assessment back to God and ask him if he thinks she is in error or not. What could that hurt? And what might you find out about yourself, your wife and God? If you choose not to read the book, then I still challenge you to live as Christ and live with your wife in an understanding way, with your purest motivation to please him.

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby LovesGG » Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:37 pm

And then what happened? :D

odogtriever

Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby odogtriever » Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:16 am

Having gone through a divorce after trying everything I know to save my marriage, I can say that you don't have a clue the lengths God will go through to get your attention unless you go through a crisis like I have. After many months of praying, fasting and doing "what I know", God led me to a book on saved marriages. This book contains a new saved marriage story every chapter. In the book is a chapter about Ken and his wife. Their story brought me to tears and I knew God was really touching me and using their story. I just had to read their book after this emotional event with the Lord.

I read the book and was immediately taken by it. Soon after I started meeting with Ken over the phone and Skype. All I can say is God has turned my situation around and my wife and I are on better terms and have even started "going out" again. I use that term loosely, but this is after only seven months meeting with Ken. What Ken does is really led by the Holy Spirit. We talk about what is going on in my life and what my emotions surrounding these events are and how they are affecting me. Women are much more capable of understanding their emotions than men. I believe this is no accident, but Gods design. The key to understanding the mind of a woman is understanding emotions, your emotions. As you do this you start to minister to others (not just your wife) as Christ does. So, Ken really just interprets what is the good of what is going on in my life, Rom, 8:28. He teaches me to understand how God uses everything in my life for good, even the sin of my estranged wife. How God can use my wife to put my flesh to death, making me a better more Christlike husband and father. The result is she responds to the unconditional love Chris is giving her through me. Yes God uses his people. If you expect God to just fix your problems with out you learning from them, you are sorely mistaken. You will just make the same mistakes again.

Most of the negative comments here are unfounded and misrepresenting what Ken really teaches. Ken does not go into women's sin, he just speaks to the effects our sin has on them. He teaches what it means to be "spiritual leaders". God does not call women to be spiritual leaders therefor the book focuses on men. We are not to look at the spec in our brothers eye when we have a log in ours. Any finger pointing to the sin of others is really just a way our sinful nature (flesh) protects itself and uses the "sin of others" card to direct any attention away from the real problem, our flesh! God looks at our heart and deals with it first. Then he can change the heart of others. We are not to look at the sin of others, just our own.

So what is Kens book really about? It helps us look into our own heart and focus on the real problem, us. If God wants to convict a wife about her sin, that is between her and Him. This is the real problem with modern Christianity, we all to often focus on the sin of others. If we just focus on our own sin, God will take care of others.

This book may not be for all, but I can hardly imagine it would not benefit most.

Lastly, Jesus says to look at their fruit. Well the fruit of Life Partners Christian Ministries is saved marriages and families. I do believe the Bible is a book about reconciliation isn't it?

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby Deelmo » Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:36 am

I also read Ken Nair's book. Along with many other, Love and Respect (thought it belittled women), 5 Languages of Love (thumbs up), The Act of Marriage (horrible), For Married Men Only (OK), Love and Survival (50/50) The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His (still reading), The Exemplary Husband (thumbs down) Hold Me Tight (didn't get it, but I'll try reading it again) The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship (???)The Secrets of Happily Married Men (hate Haltzman acceptanct of porn). I think what I'm getting at is we need to read a lot and expand our thinking. Challaenge ourselves to new ideas.

My favorite was Ken Nair's Understanding the Mind of a Woman. I called myself Christian for 31 years of our marriage. Reading this book sure did show me how wrong I was!! I also agree that the basic principles are great and I have seen more trust and respect for me in the eyes of my wife. I also feel I am on the right path to a happy marriage. But most important, I now have a better understanding of what it means to "take it to the Lord in prayer".

I take bits and pieces from everything and put it all together, blend, experiment, throw out what doesn't work and keep what does.
On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the least, 10 being the greatest) are you normal? I am a 1. And who's scale am I using? My wife's, of course!

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby Aura » Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:50 am

Deelmo, sounds like you have a pretty healthy approach to books. I hope this doesn't hijack the thread too much, but I'm curious why you didn't like The Act of Marriage (I read that as part of pre-marital counselling and from what I remember, I thought it was good. It was certainly the only book I'd ever read on the topic.) and The Exemplory Husband (Dh has it, and it was highly recommended by some friends, but like most of his books, he's never read it. :lol: ) What makes the other books you've read and like stand out?
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. ~Galatians 6:9

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby notaugustine » Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:12 am

odogtriever said:
Most of the negative comments here are unfounded and misrepresenting what Ken really teaches. Ken does not go into women's sin, he just speaks to the effects our sin has on them. He teaches what it means to be "spiritual leaders". God does not call women to be spiritual leaders therefor the book focuses on men. We are not to look at the spec in our brothers eye when we have a log in ours. Any finger pointing to the sin of others is really just a way our sinful nature (flesh) protects itself and uses the "sin of others" card to direct any attention away from the real problem, our flesh! God looks at our heart and deals with it first. Then he can change the heart of others. We are not to look at the sin of others, just our own. 

I demur here, the negative comments I have made are based on Ken's book, "Discovering the Mind of a Woman." Which I have in front of me at this very moment.
Ken actually does go into a woman's sin, he claims that a woman's sin is a reflection of the sinful character of her husband and throughout the book you get the impression that Ken believes this to be the case almost without exception. That's what makes Ken's book spiritually abusive. He shifts the personal sin of a woman onto her husband. It doesn't matter what it is, Ken will shift the blame to the husband.
Here are some examples:
Discovering the Mind of Woman:
You can gauge the sensitivity of your spirit by asking, "Am I meeting the needs of my wife's spirit?" How will you know it? Very simple. If your wife is unpleasant, difficult to live with, and frequently depressed or moody, then you are not ministering to her spirit. If your wife is pleasant, easy to live with, and able to handle the stresses of life confidently, then you are in all likelihood ministering to the needs of her spirit. (Page 119)

false.
Women are not emotional infants who are tethered to their husband's character by some emotional umbilical cord. They are choice making individual people and if they are difficult to live with and unpleasant then it is because they are making choices to be unpleasant and difficult to live with. To assume that a woman cannot choose to react otherwise is, in my view, a deeply offensive philosophy which steals the honor of women, some of which are on this board, who choose to be pleasant, easy to live with and able to handle life confidently despite the fact that their husbands are wholly insensitive to their needs. Conversely, you unjustly condemn any man, also many of whom are on this board, who is bending over backwards to serve his wife only to find that she still is unpleasant, difficult to live with and frequently depressed or moody.
Here's another example from the book.
Discovering the Mind of a Woman:
God, through Isaiah and the apostle Paul, is telling us, in essence: "Husbands, because your ways are not My ways, use Christ's unselfish love for humankind as your example of how to love your wives: (compare Isa. 55:8 with Eph. 5:25-29). If we do this, we will cause our wives to become spiritually mature through our loving and confidence-building examples. (Nair, Discovering the Mind of a woman page 140)

Bottom line, this is a falsehood. There is nothing that I can do to cause anyone to spiritually mature....
God alone changes the heart.
That's human nature 101.
Here are some more examples of harmful blame shifting.
On Page 85, Ken blames a woman's unexplained hair loss on her husband. I think this is both medically irresponsible and unfair. It is unfair because a woman's response is a woman's responsibility and it is medically irresponsible because if there is something medically going on blaming the character of the husband is a red herring that could prove medically disastrous. On page 87 a man is blamed for his wife's fainting spells. Again, unfair and medically irresponsible. Ken's explanation? He was too critical of her and that made her nervous. I personally hope this couple sought medical intervention despite Ken's diagnosis. There's more. On page 88 a woman's arrogance is blamed on her husband, on page 89 a woman's strong will is blamed on her husband, on page 91 a woman who is domineering is so because her husband is neglectful. If a woman lacks confidence or even doubts her own salvation that is her husband's fault (page 93). A woman who has renounced Christianity can rightly blame her husband for her loss of faith (page 95).
Here's more. A wife who is a poor communicator has poor communication skills because her husband doesn't listen to her. (Page 99)
A wife who struggles with depression does so because her husband is incompetent (Page 100), if he were more adept at handling life's situations, should would have more confidence in him and be more hopeful about life.
Ken even finds a way to blame a man's inability to be clairvoyant and read his wife's thoughts on his sinfulness (page 112) and finds a way to condemn a man if his wife struggles with weight gain (Page 97-98).
Nair actually does deal with a wife's sin, but not in a biblical way. He blames the sinful attitudes and behaviors of a woman on the character of her husband.
The problem with Nair's approach are threefold.

1) It is an unjust approach. The bible consistently teaches that each person is to take responsibility for their own sin. As Paul said in Galatia, each one must bear their own load (Galatians 6:5).
2) It assumes a distorted anthropology which leads to a perverted soteriology. In Nair's approach men sin because of their sinful nature, but women sin because their husbands are sinners. So a husband's core need is a regenerated heart while a wife's core need is a husband of more noble character.
3) Nair's view assumes a distorted (and in my view deeply offensive) view of women. According to Nair, women are only capable of reflecting the character of their own husband, either good or bad. So a woman with a husband of good character is a spiritually, emotionally healthy woman, while the wife of a husband of bad character reflects the bad character of her husband back to him by being (in Nair's words) unpleasant, difficult to live with, and frequently depressed or moody. The problem with this is that, as many women on this board can attest, women have characters of their own and many wives of less than praiseworthy husbands live lives of faith, hope and love despite the character of their husband; thereby showing that a woman actually does have a will of her own, is capable of returning good for evil and should consider her response her responsibility.

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby The Knight's Lady » Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:59 am

I haven't read any of Nair's books and all my knowledge of them is based on information from this thread and other similar sources.

I'm curious how Nair views women who aren't married. Are unmarried women responsible for their own sin? And then when a woman gets married she isn't responsible for her sin anymore because it is her husband's fault? This makes no sense to me. :?:
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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby Leah » Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:19 am

The Knight's Lady wrote:I'm curious how Nair views women who aren't married. Are unmarried women responsible for their own sin? And then when a woman gets married she isn't responsible for her sin anymore because it is her husband's fault? This makes no sense to me. :?:


Yes. This is the problem with a male-centric view of spirituality. It totally ignores the fact that some women never marry. Is there some guy who's at fault because he didn't ask, or he married someone else? How does that work?

God is consistent. He applies his word equally to all people. There is never an exception. People who claim there are exceptions (and, by default that's what this is), and that some people are not held to the same standard of accountability clearly do not pay attention to what God says about himself.
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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby Deelmo » Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:35 am

Auru,
Perhaps "hate" was a strong word to use in describing "the act of marriage". The parts that really turned me against it were
1. Masturbation - he seems to feel their is nothing wrong(no Biblical proof) with men masturbating but quotes 4 or 5 (can't remember how many) as to why it is a sin for a woman to. I don't think it should be that way. Either both male and female can - or both cannot. Did you think this or did I misunderstand?

2. I did not approve of his comparison of the female genitalia TO the male genitalia. We all know that it should be the other way around!! Basic biology.

As far as the female orgasm, man oh man did I learn I lot!!! A little may be outdated, not really outdated, just a few more discoveries have been made.

I don't think he placed enough empathizes on the female emotional side of sex. (this coming from my wife also). It was a very good "mechanical" test though.

My wife has read the "Left Behind" series by him and really enjoyed those.

I think "The Exemplory Husband" places way to much emphasis on the wife's sin and about "controlling" everything, every little aspect of the home life. I have trusted my wife to most of things without question and she is the one who did an exemplory job. She came to me with major stuff, but I always trusted her enough not to "nit pick". IMHO, alot of husbands complain about "nagging" wives, but this book would turn a husband into a "nagging" husband. Perhaps just my take on it.

We (mostly me) are still in the "improving" stage of starting over. We are trying to be open to new ideas. Married 32 years so this old dog is going to learn some tricks!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the least, 10 being the greatest) are you normal? I am a 1. And who's scale am I using? My wife's, of course!

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby odogtriever » Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:16 am

notaugustine, I respect your opinions and I hope you can respect mine. I am sorry if I came across as disrespectful.

I feel you really did not hear what I said and that is OK. I did say this book is not for everyone. I also said we need to judge by their fruit. Ken has personally helped me enormously in winning back my wife's heart. We're still separated but we are doing things together now which is a total miracle. Ken's story's are not made up examples to put in the book. The women that was loosing her hair actually grew it back after her husband started understanding her as Christ would. The women with depression is not longer depressed. I don't get your argument here.

Your insistence that he does not focus on the wife's sin is unfounded. If we are truly called to be the spiritual leaders of our family's then we have to accept the leadership principles God states in the Bible. I am sorry you feel this way.I am not going to argue this but tell others to make your own choice after reading the book and be led through prayer. This book may not be the book God uses for your situation.

I know God has led me to Kens teaching because I needed them. Others may be led to other teachings because it pertains to how God wants to lead them. But do not discredit Nair's book as bad for all. This is just irresponsible.

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Re: Ken Nair's Books

Postby notaugustine » Wed Feb 22, 2012 12:29 pm

odogtriever wrote:notaugustine, I respect your opinions and I hope you can respect mine. I am sorry if I came across as disrespectful.

I don't think you did come across as disrespectful.
I wasn't offended at your post in the least. I just disagree.
I respect your right to share your opinions, I hope you will continue.
I hope you understand that my disagreement does not means that I don't respect you as a person or your right to share.

odogtriever Said:

I feel you really did not hear what I said and that is OK.

Then give it another go, I certainly don't want to base a conversation on a misunderstanding.

odogtriever Said:
I did say this book is not for everyone. I also said we need to judge by their fruit. Ken has personally helped me enormously in winning back my wife's heart. We're still separated but we are doing things together now which is a total miracle. Ken's story's are not made up examples to put in the book. The women that was loosing her hair actually grew it back after her husband started understanding her as Christ would. The women with depression is not longer depressed. I don't get your argument here.

A few thoughts.

1. I don't think that this book is a good book for anyone. I'm sorry that this impacts you so directly but that's my honest opinion. Its just too full of error.
2. I think you need to look at that fruit long term. Of course Ken's approach is going to work short term. If a husband tells his wife that anything and everything that was every wrong with their marriage is his fault then of course she is going to listen. Most men will be lying to their wives (since it isn't likely true that everything that was every wrong with their marriage was 100% the fault of the husband) but its a very attractive lie to a woman who has heretofore desires to hear her husband accept some responsibility for the marriage. The problems are long term problems that start to surface when the wife gets comfortable with the shifting of all blame to the character of the husband and the husband loses all ability to actually lead his family. Anything that the husband does that the wife does not like is considered sin and the only way to resolve it is for the husband to "die to self" and give his wife what she wants. I've heard of one man who lives in a completely sexless marriage because Ken considered the sex drive part of one's lower nature and the wife got hold of this teaching and decided she didn't want to have a relationship with her husband based on fleshly stuff like sex. The husband's only option? "Die to self" and live celibate. Another example is a man in our church who was discipled by another (well meaning but misguided man) who used Ken's book to try and convince his friend that the reason his wife left him for her lover was because he was a terrible husband. He urged him to write a letter to his wife taking responsibility for everything, including "driving her into the arms of another man." She realized her lover was fun, but broke, and went back to her husband. He saw this as success and proof of Ken's approach. Three years later his wife is now working on affair number 2. Its taken me a little while to "deprogram" this man from Ken's distorted theories of responsibility and help this man understand that no matter how hard he tries, his wife is capable of making bad decisions "because she is a human being with an ability to choose." If we are going to look at fruit, lets look at all the fruit on the tree not just the shiny examples.

3. I don't doubt that Ken's examples are real, I do doubt that his analysis of those situations are believable and I do object to the overly simplistic diagnosis that anything and everything that goes wrong with a woman is her husband's fault. I also object to the notion that their experiences are normative to others (which is strongly implied int he book). A woman who is depressed needs to look at all the elements of her life, not just the behavior of her husband and to assume that the husband of a wife who struggles with depression must be incapable of handling life's situations is an unfair and unjust judgement that I think Ken makes. Furthermore, to assume that a more doting husband will fix her depression is, in my view. a poor and dangerous assumption to say the least. A woman may well pass up genuine opportunities to take responsibility for her own mental health while she waits on her husband to be christlike enough that she isn't depressed anymore.

odogtriever Said:
Your insistence that he does not focus on the wife's sin is unfounded. If we are truly called to be the spiritual leaders of our family's then we have to accept the leadership principles God states in the Bible.

I agree! I just don't think that Ken has accurately described any leadership principles as stated in the bible. It think Ken has distorted leadership principles as stated in the bible. Cased in point, as I have stated in the past, Ken puts more responsibility on an earthly husband for the spiritual health of his wife than anyone would put on Christ for the spiritual health of the church.
The church is not 100% spiritually healthy, its members sin, get depressed, hold grudges, are hard to live with, etc..

Should we then say that somehow this is Jesus' fault?

Should we say that if Jesus were more Christlike and led His church better his bride would be happier, healthier and more well behaved?

Should Jesus be urged to write the members of his bride who are wayward, depressed, sinful, angry, hard to live with, etc.. a letter of apology saying that everything that has ever gone wrong in the heavenly marriage between Christ and his church is 100% His fault?

I should think not!

That would be a terrible blasphemy and I think even Ken would see how ridiculous this assumption is. Jesus is the perfect leader, and the perfect husband to his bride and yet His bride is still ill tempered, depressed and hard to live with sometimes and the blame for her sin falls on herself.

And the hard news my friend is that you can be the perfect husband and there are still no guarantees your wife will choose you back or that she will respond with the maturity of a godly woman. I wish you the best my friend, I really do. I hope that your attempts at reconciliation will be successful and I think now is a good time for you to get the log out of your own eye and listen to what your wife has to say about how you went wrong. Then, as things progress, hopefully she will be open to hearing how she can grow up a little and together you can see your marriage grow in maturity.


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