She Comes First

What marriage resources have been helpful or encouraging to you?
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seeking perspective
Under the stars
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Re: She Comes First

Postby seeking perspective » Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:19 pm

Many women are self-conscious about their smell. Some women also feel that oral is less intimate because it isn't face-to-face. I don't think this book will help with those things.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
The Forgiven Wife
and Sex Chat for Christian Wives

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Re: She Comes First

Postby Elevation » Sun Sep 03, 2017 2:04 pm

We will see how God works...there is always prayer for a sexual awakening for my wife and our marriage. I am not going to push at all.

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Re: She Comes First

Postby ledgemoor » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:59 pm

She Comes First includes a small amount of info on non-oral techniques -- G-Spot stimulation and masturbatory techniques. But if you are looking for a book on general sexual techniques, this isn't it.

Elevation wrote:We will see how God works...there is always prayer for a sexual awakening for my wife and our marriage. I am not going to push at all.

Don't push, but lead. God gave us marriage in part to help us grow as husbands.

Elevation wrote:I think it is rather her worldview on OS personally and thinking it is "dirty" even if I shared with her how God made the vagina self-cleaning. Plus, I think she may be embarrassed by how she smells at times.

My wife was the same way -- would not allow me to give her oral sex. After many years of seemingly futile attempts at discussion, prayer, and a marriage conference, she finally came around.

At first she wouldn't even discuss it. All she would say is "that's where I pee". It's an emotional thing. All the logic and science in the world doesn't matter. Even after we had been doing it for several years, she has said on several occasions that she cannot understand why I enjoy it so. I just tell her that I love her, and love her vulva. I ask if she understands why I like putting my tongue in her mouth or kissing her nipples. Of course. Well, it's exactly the same thing, except 100x more. When I do it, I tell her how much I love her.

The smell. Ah yes! One of the most wonderful aspects of married love. Read Songs 4 - 5:1 to her. It poetically describes Solomon enjoying the taste and smell of his wife's vulva and the fluids it releases during sex:

"Mountain of myrrh, Hill of frankincense": Her mons pubis and its pleasant smell.

"A closed garden, a spring shut up, a fountain sealed", "A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon.", "Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out.": Her vulva is his exclusively. Also allusions to female lubrication and ejaculation, which flows upon arousal.

"Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.", "I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.": He enters her vagina and enjoys oral sex.

These are my interpretations, but there are several legitimate commentators who say about the same thing.

From a scientific standpoint, womens' vulvas are loaded with pheromones, which are very arousing to their husbands. When I was having low testosterone and associated difficulties, the only way I could get relief was to give her oral sex. It never failed to get some response out of me. :D

One reason I wanted to give her OS is that I just can't imagine that it doesn't feel great. How could kissing any part of the body not feel good? I wanted to do it for her enjoyment. DW is finally over her mental hangups about it, and enjoys it. We rarely make love with some oral stimulation of her. Sometimes when I don't do it, she asks for it ::clap. She commented a few weeks ago that it helps her O.

So hang in there. Trust me, it is worth the effort and wait.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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