Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

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SeekingChange
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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Sep 20, 2016 11:34 am

tjw wrote:A few times she has made comments based on a man's looks. Only one has been a "real life" man, I mean, of course, the other men are indeed living people but they are from TV or the music industry, and not people she actually knows.

I am "visual" in the fact that I am very observant and perceptive. I notice little changes people make, like haircuts, or style changes. I notice body language and how other's interact with those around them. I am just as likely to "observe" and comment about a man's appearance as I am on a woman's. I can say to my husband, "That is an attractive man." and it has no reflection on a "desire" for that man, or on any further thoughts, because the thoughts stop with the observation, I have no lingering thoughts or any "recalls" that pop up later. I can as easily say, "That's a beautiful woman." ...still, no reflection of a "desire" for that woman.
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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby Hiswifeagain » Tue Sep 20, 2016 2:14 pm

I really don't think comments like you mentioned are nearly enough evidence to conclude you aren't her type. The man you were on stage probably appeared confident. I think most women are drawn to confidence. Knowing who they are in the Lord can give any man confidence. Assume the best of your dw and yourself. Assuming she's not attracted to you will likely yield that result in time. When we don't believe we are lovable we project a sort of hangdog appearance that is hard to be attracted to. (Shoulders sag, head down a little, sad look, etc). Confidence/Self assurance is attractive.


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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby Vanna » Tue Sep 20, 2016 5:06 pm

^^^That is so true. That and a nice cologne... (And it attracts men when women have it too.)
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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby tjw » Tue Sep 20, 2016 6:35 pm

The man you were on stage probably appeared confident.


You are absolutely correct. I am a reasonably good actor. My confidence, however, was complete fiction. I adopted a persona of a bold, confident,
self-assured player and singer so that I could make money at it. If anyone saw the "real me", my sales would have tanked.

Knowing who they are in the Lord can give any man confidence.


Do you have a scripture reference, or set of references? I fully and completely know "who I am" in the sense of what Jesus did for me,
in my eternal positioning, in my cleansing bought at His expense. I know that I do not merit my salvation, that in reality, I deserve to
perish, so my confidence is in Him, not in me. Is this what you mean?

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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby southerngent » Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:06 am

tjw, let's try: I am good enough for God and God is Omnipotent and Omniscient.

No one else is better than me before God.

God made me exactly as he wanted me made and he doesn't make junk.

God has given me great gifts and it is my joy to demonstrate those to others.

tjw, any of those can be used to support a more confident you.

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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby Hiswifeagain » Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:16 am

^^^^^^This!


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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby tjw » Wed Sep 21, 2016 8:26 am

With these statements I wholeheartedly concur and have nothing to add:

God is Omnipotent and Omniscient.
No one else is better than me before God.
any of those can be used to support a more confident you.
God made me exactly as he wanted me made

With these I have replies:

I am good enough for God

No. Not even close. Thankfully, He has given me a Saviour, without Whom, I would stand no chance whatsoever of His eternal life.

he doesn't make junk

I understand that in His eyes, I have a worth. However, it is not Him who sleeps beside me.

God has given me great gifts

He has indeed given me gifts. But they are not "great" gifts.

it is my joy to demonstrate those to others.

No. It is humiliating and embarrassing. I only use them for money because they are the only thing I have going for me.

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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby Leah » Wed Sep 21, 2016 12:54 pm

Jake is just the most handsome man. I can hardly wait for him to come home today. Getting healthy was the best thing we ever did. There was a time when Jake was angry and cold toward me and it affected how attracted I was to him. Now we are both healthy, and I am so glad.
Leah

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Job29Man
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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby Job29Man » Wed Sep 21, 2016 1:16 pm

Tjw,

This looks like a good topic for its very own thread. How about you start one? I have some thoughts about this. I'm guessing others do too. But IMHO it's its very own separate topic.

Job29Man


tjw wrote:
The man you were on stage probably appeared confident.


You are absolutely correct. I am a reasonably good actor. My confidence, however, was complete fiction. I adopted a persona of a bold, confident,
self-assured player and singer so that I could make money at it. If anyone saw the "real me", my sales would have tanked.

Knowing who they are in the Lord can give any man confidence.


Do you have a scripture reference, or set of references? I fully and completely know "who I am" in the sense of what Jesus did for me,
in my eternal positioning, in my cleansing bought at His expense. I know that I do not merit my salvation, that in reality, I deserve to
perish, so my confidence is in Him, not in me. Is this what you mean?
Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

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Re: Blog post: Being Attracted to your Husband

Postby LovesHisKitten » Wed Sep 21, 2016 2:17 pm

Sorry if I'm late to the party. After reading the linked article, I found it confusing that "attraction" and "sexually aroused" seem to be treated as one and the same when clearly they are not. In part, I think that is because the reader submission that the article was based on equated the two. But, I think the author could have done a better job of clarifying the difference.

Google provides the following definition for attraction:
Google wrote:the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.


I don't think it is a stretch to describe myself as "attracted" to my wife even at times I'm not "aroused" by her. Attraction may well be a precursor to arousal, it would be hard to be aroused by someone you weren't attracted to.

I think the point of the article is that attraction and sexual desire are not the same thing and none of us (men or women) should think that they are. The reader's question should be, "Is my lack of spontaneous arousal to my husband something that we can work on and make better, or is this something we just have to accept and move past?", edit mine.

It is that spontaneous arousal and desire for sex "right now" that causes misunderstandings. Most women don't feel that spontaneous arousal that most men do (yes I know that there are exceptions on both sides). As the article points out, many women don't feel the need for sex (arousal/desire) until after foreplay has begun. Their desire/arousal is responsive to their partners initiation/spontaneous desire. Understanding this dynamic is important for both partners.

LHK
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