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Mentoring Engaged Couples: Resource Request

Posted: Mon May 15, 2017 1:45 pm
by freeatlast
Hi All!

DW and I have mentored numerous engaged couples at our church over the past 10 years and one of the more difficult subjects to discuss, as you might imagine, is the sexual intimacy portion. A number of couples have mentioned that it would have been nice if they had been able to openly discuss their "appetites" and preferences much more thoroughly so as to avoid issues down the road.

More importantly they almost universally had some things they thought the couldn't just bring up but if it were on a "discussion list" it would be that much easier to broach the subject. One couple mentioned that a particular tool we have used to chart and compare life preferences and expectations would be helpful if it came in a sexual variety.

Basically they said that something that covers a variety of sexual preferences with a scale to rate them on would be best. Such as ratings 1=Never wanting it to 5=Always welcome and items such as positions, acts, locations, settings, foreplay, etc.

Just wondering if anyone has any leads on to such a thing where the couple could "fill out" their survey and then sit down to compare and discuss it with their intended. We'd rather keep it paper based as opposed to something online.

Thoughts?

Re: Mentoring Engaged Couples: Resource Request

Posted: Mon May 15, 2017 1:58 pm
by SeekingChange
There was a list someone shared on here a few years back, but I believe it may have been automatically pruned because of where it was posted. Maybe it's still around, or it can be reshared.

Re: Mentoring Engaged Couples: Resource Request

Posted: Tue May 16, 2017 8:27 am
by SeekingChange
Someone shared this resource with me: ThePureBed.com: Couples’ Communication Toolbox

At first glance, it looks pretty detailed.

Re: Mentoring Engaged Couples: Resource Request

Posted: Tue May 16, 2017 12:31 pm
by poetess
My hunch is that most people could only guess at such things before they're married, so they might be of quite limited usefulness. Well, it could be useful if one spouse knows something is on the "never" list, but you don't really know your desire for frequency, positions, etc. until you've been married. I have heard that even prior sexual experience doesn't help here.

I have seen such resources . . . I just would caution couples as to how accurately they can actually predict anything.

Re: Mentoring Engaged Couples: Resource Request

Posted: Tue May 16, 2017 1:16 pm
by SeekingChange
It can't predict but it could give insight to how one views sex. If a person marks a lot of "nevers", one can see that the liklihood of them being open to trying new things is not something to expect versus someone who shares they are open to different things. Plus, if one person shares that a certain act is very important to them, that's something that can be beneficial, or a caution, to the other before getting locked into a marriage.