SHEET MUSIC by Dr. Kevin Leman

What marriage resources have been helpful or encouraging to you?
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melinda
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Re: "Sheet Music" = Pornography?

Postby melinda » Sat Apr 02, 2011 4:53 pm

Shipguy wrote:Well, then you'ns better also get after those who said it sounded like she was super conservative, prudish, a conspirator to silence, and pandered more to Churchianity than to Christianity. Those are speculative too.


You're right. I wouldn't call "Sheet Music" pornography, and so I will say that I believe that was an unfair characterization of the book (the shop owner's motive for making that statement not withstanding). It is very frank, and not everyone will be comfortable with that level of directness. When I read it, I didn't have a problem with the frankness, I just didn't find any new insights or information... so not a good book for me or my DH.

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Re: "Sheet Music" = Pornography?

Postby Nvr2Late » Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:50 am

Ack....I must go to a really horrible, fallen church then. Because they offered a Kevin Lehman video course a couple years back that was well attended.

I agree with those who say that while the store is well within it's rights not to offer something they consider inappropriate, they are robbing themselves of an opportunity to serve their customer base as well as practicing religious censorship in a fashion. But that's life. I don't let things like that bother me anymore because, as was stated, there are so many options.

I am a bit appalled that she would use the word pornographic with a customer, and agree too that added a personally judgmental edge that would make any customer feel pretty rejected. That would be my last time in that store.
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Re: "Sheet Music" = Pornography?

Postby Drifter4 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:18 pm

I've heard so much about this book but had never read it before. Then this post came up and I decided of all things to check it out from the library. Wouldn't you know it, there was quite a wait until it came in. Knowing the theme of the book, and the stoic nature of my librarian, I wondered if she would have it sealed in plain brown paper as she handed it to me. Or would she look the other way and whistle as she checked it out. :roll: Anyway, I got the book home, read it, and wondered: 'Okay, where's the porn in this book?' (I'm being sarcastic)

The only thing I read was the persistent message that husband and wife are to enjoy each other's intimacy wholeheartedly. Where's the harm in that?

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Re: Free Copy of Sheet Music

Postby dbrown2697 » Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:47 pm

jokerman wrote:
dbrown2697 wrote:if anyone has a pdf version of this could they email it to me? none of the stores in my area sell this book, and I'm not so big on online shopping.


I think you're supposed to pay for books.


I don't have a problem with paying for the book, my reason for saying that none of the stores in my area have this book, or the variety of great christian books availible. but do to piracy laws it's understandable why such an event could be considered illegal.
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Re: "Sheet Music" = Pornography?

Postby Adaya » Wed Apr 27, 2011 9:51 am

Maple, I think you should contact the bookstore about this. I think it would be helpful to be able to politely explain why calling Leman's book pornography is offensive and so incorrect. And even get your pastor to write a letter or something too, because it isn't helpful for this Christian bookstore to go to such lengths. Let them know that you would have been okay if they did not carry the book, but to call it porn, that is unacceptable. Who knows, maybe you will open up some good dialogue about this.

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Re: "Sheet Music" = Pornography?

Postby Dadtoall » Sun Jun 05, 2011 11:42 pm

Shipguy wrote:I would have been really tempted to go get a Bible from her shelves, bring it back to the counter and open it to Song of Solomon and exclaim "Whew!" If she asked, I would have said "I was glad to see SoS here. However, If you think Sheet Music is pornographic, then if you have a razor, I will help you remove SoS from your Bibles. Shall I fetch the rest while you cut?"


Yeah, but I suppose you would have gotten the "that's figurative, not literal" line.
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Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby SolomonsApprentice » Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:15 pm

Don't get me wrong, great resource, will recommend it to every couple getting married (maybe will some caveats), but...the stereotypes were just a little unsettling, and there was nothing "new" for me except now I know what the more arousing scent is for women (licorice, cucumber, lavender, baby power combined). Also his absolute dismissal of anal anything as an option was ... well, uprising, in a disappointing way.

He spent an entire chapter on premature ejaculation, and about a paragraph on delayed ejaculation. And only then to say I will have to worry about this in my late 40's or 60's! I'm 30, and dealing with it now! (sorry, little frustrating).

Anyone else feel this way? I'm sure some of the women here were screaming at the book after all the times it blatantly said that men think about sex more, that men want sex more, that men need sex more, etc, etc, etc. I wanted to put it down half the times I read those just because of all the posts I've read here on TMB by wives who have refusing spouses.

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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby jokerman » Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:21 pm

Yes, it's a mildly informative book that offers very little insight. The best thing about the book is that it encourages Christians to place more importance on sex than many couples sometimes do.

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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby angellove » Mon Jul 04, 2011 5:17 pm

Anyone else feel this way? I'm sure some of the women here were screaming at the book after all the times it blatantly said that men think about sex more, that men want sex more, that men need sex more, etc, etc, etc. I wanted to put it down half the times I read those just because of all the posts I've read here on TMB by wives who have refusing spouses.


Yes. One of the most annoying parts about it was that all the 'enemies' of sex were women's fault/responsibility.
Last edited by angellove on Mon Jul 18, 2011 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby King Charming » Tue Jul 05, 2011 10:58 am

jokerman wrote:Yes, it's a mildly informative book that offers very little insight. The best thing about the book is that it encourages Christians to place more importance on sex than many couples sometimes do.

Yes. This is why I recommend it and sometimes gift it to young married couples. It's a good, Christian, sex-positive book that isn't overwhelming in its depth. After reading some of the deeper books on the subject, going back and looking at Sheet Music does feel a little pedestrian.
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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby Exuberance » Tue Jul 05, 2011 11:08 am

I found it completely and utterly irrelevant to me and my marriage. I was glad that I got it free for the kindle app. :oops:

However, I can see how it could be a helpful book for young couples just getting married who never had sex before. That's kind of a small audience, but I can see it working well for them as a sort of intro book. I feel much the same way about the Five Love Languages -- great for beginners, but not near deep enough for couples who have severe issues.

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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby luvmygirls » Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:21 am

I'm sure I'm not the only one on TMB that is having a difficult time really finding any new insights into Christian sexuality. I've picked up several books and sat in the floor reading them at the Christian bookstores and every book feels like I've already read it. Because I have. Most of the things on godly husbandry, godly fatherliness, godly marriage, godly sexuality, gender roles, etc. are almost all the same it seems.

From what little I know, however, I'm not sure how much of this has to do with the publishing houses. When an author submits to a publisher, the publisher doesn't just accept it outright and say, "Yes, we can do this." They talk with the author about editing and promotion and target audiences and handling criticism. And they do this to sell the book. We all know it's easier to tell someone something that they have heard before and possibly forgotten, than it is to come right out and say, "This isn't new, but no one else is saying it, so I will." Especially in the Christian community. In some areas there can be someone who's on the edge a little bit, but still doctrinally sound, and their book may become a success BECAUSE of that. For an issue like sexuality, you're considered brave for even addressing it. Right now I have in my heart a set of companion books for guys and girls, but one specific chapter in each book that I think is very important regarding specifics of body image, are embarrassing enough that it would cause a stink so it would most likely be removed. In the secular publishing market it's not the same. That's why we can find books on bondage, pole dancing, anal sex, etc. and they aren't buried in a paragraph, but are the whole subject of the book.

So the fact that Lehman even addresses some of the things he does, is "edgy" in the Christian community. I was surprised to even see the occasional slang ("hand job") in there.

So, new? No. At least more honest and open than most Christian marriage books? I think so.
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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby SolomonsApprentice » Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:29 am

I think just because it was built up some much by the people here at TMB that I was expecting something .... more?

I still think it is an excellent book, would buy it as an engagement gift to any couple I know.

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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby Leah » Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:51 pm

luvmygirls: +1

My biggest problem with "Christian" sex books is that they are not "Christian" at all, except in the marketing. There is no fresh biblical truth, nothing about biblical attitudes, nothing about what the bible says or doesn't say. They are full of worldly stuff and stereotypes with a few Scripture verses thrown in for guilt and good measure.
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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby OldMarriedLady » Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:59 pm

Exuberance wrote:I was glad that I got it free for the kindle app. :oops:

Here too - I wouldn't have wanted to spend money on it. It was very basic, like a starter manual for sex. What I didn't like is that Dr. Leman doesn't seem to think anybody should be gently pushed beyond their comfort zone. In the section about positions, he suggested that people should stick to the basic ones that work and not worry about trying new ones. The ones he listed were very basic, and he said that when he suggested one of those positions to his wife (he doesn't say which one), she gave him that look like "don't even think about it, buddy". I don't think the book encourages an adventurous spirit.
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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby Leah » Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:55 pm

OldMarriedLady wrote:I don't think the book encourages an adventurous spirit.


I personally am a little tired of the male-centric view of sexuality. The Bible never teaches that men have a higher interest in sex or a higher drive. The Bible puts a strict hedge around a woman's sexuality. It protects it and encourages it.

It would be lovely to see a book that teaches the full truth once in a while instead of perpetuating every stereotype on the planet.
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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby Proverbs169 » Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:27 pm

Leah in Mid-South wrote: It would be lovely to see a book that teaches the full truth once in a while instead of perpetuating every stereotype on the planet.


Totally agree! I got somewhat frustrated reading this book (and others) because of their views on what men and women are like.

The book disappointed me as well. It might be helpful for a newly married couple, as someone else said, but somewhat useless for my husband and me, who have been married for 10 years.

It also bothered me that he referred to his penis as "Mr. Happy." But maybe that's just me. LOL

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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby blushingwife » Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:31 pm

There is a place for Sheet Music, and I think it is an invaluable book for many young couples out there.

Sure, it is stereotypical, but how I wish we had read at least that book when we got married...

No book can please everyone, so it is about picking little useful nuggets wherever you see it, in different places.

Schnarch is what I recommend for a marriage book that does not dwell in the stereotypes.

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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby growingingrace » Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:37 pm

My DH and I started to read through Sheet Music together, we got half way throught the book...and let's just say we never got any further. For a couple who has been married for 10 years there just wasn't anything in the book that we hadn't read or heard before. I also agree that it really didn't encourage an adventurous spirit, some of what he talked about actually dampened our spirits.
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Re: Anyone else feel a little disappointed by Sheet Music?

Postby LIT56RD » Tue Jul 12, 2011 7:21 pm

I must say that even though DW and I had been married for 30 years "Sheet Music" really helped us in our MB. We had struggled for years for we didn't even understand the basics. Helped us a lot. Glad we read it.


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