Sexually Bored in Canada

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Renegade
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Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:25 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 10th, 1991
Gender: Male

Sexually Bored in Canada

Postby Renegade » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:59 pm

Hello, friends.

I'm 51, and we've been married since '91. The marriage was a big mess that I won't get into now, but to make a long story short, we are very, very different in bed. We have only ever been able to have missionary-position sex, and my wife tends to feel dirty with anything beyond that. We don't have a sex life anymore, but I'll be getting some Viagra soon. My wife wants sex, as long as it's lovey dovey, which is a real turn off for me. I'm more into the kind where two people meet at work or something, and go into the janitor's closet for 20 minutes. I've never experienced that kind of sex, unfortunately. I wish I could have fun like a young high school kid.

I'm more European in my thinking about sex. My wife is Portuguese, and is deeply damaged by sexual abuse that surrounded her, though she was never abused. Her brothers' and father's perversion affected her, and it affects our sex life. I think the few parties she went to, before being saved at 18, haunt her. She drank a lot of vodka at one, and woke up with her bra in her purse. She has no idea what happened. We met when we were 25.

I view sex in marriage as ideally hedonistic, within biblical bounds, i.e., no third person is allowed. Maybe you have a better term to use. Contrary to the RC view, I believe in the 'primacy of pleasure' for couples, as opposed to the 'primacy of child-bearing.' The Genesis command and the issue of individual (marital) liberty are on different levels, and should not be conflated. Ed Wheat's book affirmed my inclinations to me.

Our kids are grown, and don't live at home anymore.

I always say too much at the start, and it goes badly from there, so I'll stop here. Ask me any question you like.

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poetess
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Posts: 3199
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2012 8:47 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): October 8th, 2011
Gender: Female

Re: Sexually Bored in Canada

Postby poetess » Tue Jan 09, 2018 6:08 am

Renegade, welcome!

Notice the border of "forum rules" in the header. To get advice on anything you are mentioning, you need to start a new thread in a different forum, but people will be willing to discuss things with you if you do that. In the meantime, welcome to the boards.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

Renegade
Newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:25 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 10th, 1991
Gender: Male

Re: Sexually Bored in Canada

Postby Renegade » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:38 am

Thank you, Poetess. I'm glad to be here.

I wasn't asking for advice, just saying a few things about myself so you know where I'm coming from. I will use other threads when the time comes.

Blessings...

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SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5305
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Sexually Bored in Canada

Postby SeekingChange » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:15 pm

Welcome! Glad you are here!
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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