Sick child = no passion

Low or no sex drive?

Sick child = no passion

Postby HelloThere » Thu Oct 08, 2015 6:50 pm

Last year our five year old was diagnosed with a chronic illness. Her condition is incurable. She is able to live normal life, but her illness has to be carefully and constantly monitored and managed. It can become life-threatening very, very quickly.

I have always struggled with low desire, but have always done my best to be positive about sex. Since my daughter's diagnosis, I have really struggled. I rarely, rarely am able to sleep through the night (due to the need to monitor and medicate my daughter), and the constant stress, vigilance and repeated medical emergencies have left me utterly spent.

I miss my husband. But at the end of the day when I crawl into bed I am numb and exhausted and there is just nothing left. This makes me so sad, but I am at a loss on how to change anything.

Does anyone have any advice or resources they can share with me about maintaining an intimate marriage while caring for an ill child?

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Mr Adam
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Re: Sick child = no passion

Postby Mr Adam » Thu Oct 08, 2015 10:56 pm

Hope this helps. ... utostart=1

Changed allot of the way i think about things.


Re: Sick child = no passion

Postby HelloThere » Fri Oct 09, 2015 5:37 pm

Thank you Mr. Adam, that was a very touching podcast.

It is difficult to view sex as comforting, but it is hopeful to think that I could grow in that direction. I certainly would like to be able to offer comfort to my husband, and I imagine that sex would provide that for him.


Re: Sick child = no passion

Postby sunshine_girl » Sun Oct 11, 2015 8:43 pm

I am so sorry to hear you all are going through this with your child. A couple of thoughts came to mind on some practical ideas for you, from a nurse's perspective :)

It sounds like your daughter needs a lot of one to one care that would probably qualify her for some home health care. Typically with chronic issues like this, health insurance will cover "respite care" which would allow her to be cared for while allowing you time with your hubby. I totally know that when your baby is sick, there is nothing like momma's care and presence. However, given the track that it sounds like she is on health-wise, this isn't the kind of thing that you just need to focus on for a year and then she will be better. If it truly is chronic I would begin praying about some alternative options that are sustainable for you and your husband. Part of caring for your little girl will be keeping your marriage strong so you and your husband can love your daughter well together. I'm guessing that with all the health issues going on that money is stressful, you don't get much time to talk, and obviously sex is a struggle due to exhaustion. That really is the first thoughts that come to my mind for you. Just trying to find some ways to make this "new normal" in your life sustainable for you individually and your marriage.

Have you looked into support groups in your area for your daughters illness? Do you have trusted family members who are willing to watch her for an hour while you have some alone time in the bedroom? Can your hubby take a half day at work and watch your daughter/allow you to take a nap so you will have energy later in the evening? Not knowing her diagnosis, obviously, I don't know if a date night out of the home is an option right now. But maybe just having someone sitting in her room as she sleeps, watching for any issues or alarms/monitors would give you enough peace of mind to focus on your hubby for a bit?

I wonder if rather than focusing on "how to have passion for sex" if you should just start with "how to have energy to focus on my marriage". After you make baby steps in making time for him, sex might come more easily and naturally?

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Re: Sick child = no passion

Postby Mtbackpack » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:39 pm

I came across this post tonight. I could have written it word for word. Wondering if we could revisit this topic? Anyone else have help/support/ideas? Would love more discussion!

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