I'm sorry to hear of your unfulfilling marriage. I cannot offer you much in the way of help on this, I have spent
a lot of my married life in this kind of condition.
emptynesters wrote:Sad to say I do feel sorry for myself to have missed this gift from God
My general take on this is that you are correct.....that God has indeed done His part, but the sinful acts and attitudes of people have caused His gift to not come to fruition. These sinful acts may not be the fault of your wife, or yourself. They may have been committed by others close to her, probably in her childhood. If she has been taught to not want sex by her family, her environment, her church, or if she has been egregiously hurt by someone close to her, in a sexual context, she may not be inherently asexual, but carries "scar tissue" which blocks her desire from coming out into her marriage.
An old TV show about abnormal psychology used to begin with the words..."Sometimes we master our pasts.....sometimes, it masters us...."
God's mastery may have been usurped along the way. For someone to submit the throne of his/her life to God in an area of life where they have been drastically hurt, is quite difficult for them because of their natural desire to protect themselves from further pain. Her "get it over with quickly" is somewhat of a "clue".... she may be avoiding emotional pain which is "triggered" by sex.
emptynesters wrote:she has no desire but as an asexual I feel it doesn't bother her either.
It seems, that for many women, the less sex they have, the lower their desire for it. You are most likely correct that she is not "bothered" by her life of nearly complete abstinence.