Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Low or no sex drive?
Shepherdsflock
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Re: Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Postby Shepherdsflock » Tue Jun 28, 2016 2:55 pm

No Unfulfilled, I don't believe she has been abused. She is open and loving in every other way. Just not sex. My best friend married a woman who was sexually abused, and we discussed all this at great length. No real signs of abuse other than an absolute aversion to sex.

Shepherdsflock
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Re: Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Postby Shepherdsflock » Tue Jun 28, 2016 3:02 pm

Learning1 wrote: Who are the spiritual influences in her life and in your life ? Whom does she listen to and trust for counsel ? Whom do you listen to and trust for counsel ?

Mostly her best friend (who I am told loves sex and is resentful of her husband's long work hours that greatly diminish their sex life) and one of our church elders and his wife.

The church elder and his wife, while trying to be helpful, aren't really helping that much. They mostly want to discuss communication techniques. We actually communicate very well in most other respects. It's not like we don't know how to discuss things and solve problems.

What we really need is another godly couple to tell us what is right and what is wrong. We both have our opinions, and we need an outside party to mediate on this issue.

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Vanna
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Re: Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Postby Vanna » Tue Jun 28, 2016 8:13 pm

It's not unusual for a woman to be unfamiliar with her body reactions, discharge, cycles, etc. Our bodies are constantly changing- from puberty to sexuality to child birth to postpartum and so forth. Discharge changes from week to week, we can even have a physical allergy to semen on the vaginal tissues (which is particularly hard to diagnose). The urinary tract can also get swollen and irritated from friction without an infection being present, and it feels like a UTI. A prolapsed or tilted uterus can make intercourse painful, and it isn't easy to get a diagnosis on that either. There are many uterine and ovarian conditions that can cause physical pain during intercourse or the period directly after intercourse.

Women who have these issues often have a very hard time finding a caregiver who can pinpoint the issue. Most of the time they are told it is in their head, which is frustrating, depressing, and insulting.

Her insistence that she has a UTI or yeast may be her efforts to try and figure out for herself why things are hurting since the professionals haven't been able to figure it out. Their lack of diagnosis doesn't mean her problem isn't real.
After 28 years and six kids, through the good and bad, by the grace of God, things keep getting better and better. ::wed

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Re: Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Postby neilethere » Wed Jun 29, 2016 1:58 am

Shepherdsflock wrote:What we really need is another godly couple to tell us what is right and what is wrong. We both have our opinions, and we need an outside party to mediate on this issue.


It seems to me she has already demonstrated she isn't interested in listening to anyone she doesn't agree with.

What are you prepared to do to change this situation?

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Learning1
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Re: Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Postby Learning1 » Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:54 am

neilethere wrote:It seems to me she has already demonstrated she isn't interested in listening to anyone she doesn't agree with.

I did not get that impression from his posts. I think she is has strong core beliefs regarding sex and what it means to be a sexual woman that are false. From his posts she seems to listen to many podcasts, read the Bible, she seems to need someone to teach or mentor her.

They also had a marriage counselor who told them to watch porn together, can't fault her for not listening to that counselor or wanting to go back to that particular counselor and being cautious of any counselors.
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

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Re: Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Postby Nvr2Late » Wed Jun 29, 2016 6:20 pm

Sounds to me like this wife has Gnostic leanings. I've known a few people who were "so heavenly minded they were no earthly good". They develop a religious fixation that everything about our bodies is evil and shameful and that God *really* doesn't approve of what we do with them.

Not washing herself is very abnormal. Spending so much "time with God" but hating sex with her husband is abnormal. I'd be very surprised if she isn't still feeling "very far from God" during sexual times, but knows better than to say it out loud. Her actions and other things she's saying are making it pretty clear.

I think she needs a therapist.
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Re: Wife never wants to be aroused or have sex

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Jun 29, 2016 6:41 pm

Shepherdsflock wrote: has trouble getting things done around the home. She has poor hygiene because she never takes time to shower.

When my depression is at it's worst, I don't shower often enough, I don't brush my teeth, and I don't do a thing around the house to keep it clean and organized. :oops: It might not be a bad idea for her to see a therapist as Nvr2Late suggested, or even a psychiatrist to see if she may need medication for depression.
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