Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Low or no sex drive?
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Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby Husband_In_Training » Tue Aug 23, 2016 11:31 am

This article is disturbing on so many levels. The guy sounds like so many here - and then the secular 'advice' takes the position that husband is a sex starved pervert who needs to be happy with once a month - And the wife should put sex in its place - at the lowest priority in the marriage.

Thank the Lord for resources like TMB to help dispel this deception! Kids are important, but the priority always has my wife higher on the list (within reason).

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/7c26e720-4 ... soc_trk=ma


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Learning1
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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby Learning1 » Tue Aug 23, 2016 12:43 pm

The title of the article is "I Save Children's Lives yet my wife won't have Frequent or Varied sex with me".

What does saving children's lives got to with it, got to do with it ?
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” C.S. Lewis

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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby Husband_In_Training » Tue Aug 23, 2016 3:53 pm

I think the guy was trying to say that he has a stressful job too, but his wife lets the stress of children override their marriage. It's not very well stated by him, but makes the point nonetheless.


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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby OldMarriedLady » Tue Aug 23, 2016 3:55 pm

The psychologist's reply was really obnoxious and verbally attacking. She could have told him all that a lot more tactfully.
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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby Vanna » Tue Aug 23, 2016 5:44 pm

Oh- Wow. :shock: That was harsh. I thought I could be tough, but I'm pretty stunned at the tone- and I'm wondering what nerve he hit in the psychologist.

I also wish she hadn't edited his post down, so we could have all of what he shared.

That said, she make valid points on the three kids under 6, still breast feeding, and a husband in a demanding job. He mentions she has been pregnant or breast feeding for much of their marriage- but has decided that since baby three is 12 months, her mindset and body needs to shift to match his New Years resolution.

Also, it's not a good sign in relationships when spouses begin listing their employment and household responsibilities as though they are magnanimous acts of generosity deserving sexual favors, because the basic truth is that they would still be doing those things whether married or not, and it meanders perilously close to the idea that marital intimacy is earned when it should actually be a foregone conclusion.

I feel for his situation. I also think there is a lot more going on here than meets the eye, and counseling would be a good idea. She needs to get to the root of why her desire to be intimate has shutdown, and she needs someone other than her hubby to stress how important that is for her marriage and her hubby, because I suspect she is slipping into some resentment.

I think the psychologist needs to take a month off and reevaluate her bedside manner.
After 28 years and six kids, through the good and bad, by the grace of God, things keep getting better and better. ::wed

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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby poetess » Tue Aug 23, 2016 7:06 pm

her bedside manner


Pun intentional? :lol:
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby Job29Man » Wed Aug 24, 2016 4:53 am

This is a secular psychology site and counsel. How much can we expect from it, realistically?

BTW, I went ahead and asked her this question in the comments section...

Dear Dr Psych Mom,

Your suggestion seems to be that the husband should wait for his wife to initiate, and meanwhile take care of all his needs himself (i.e. masturbate). Do I have that right?

That does nothing for intimacy and connection.

Is there a reason that you didn't suggest that the wife make herself available to him for either a hand job or oral sex? Manual stimulation of him by his wife should not serve to reset her sexual clock back to zero. In other words, her time of 'sexually recharging and working towards a naturally occurring desire to initiate' should march on. Right?


My question is in the "hold for approval" phase at the moment.

I'll be fascinated to read her answer.

BTW, this is why I almost never read secular blogs and advice about marriage. It is generally morally or spiritually bankrupt. Because...

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Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby The Twit » Wed Aug 24, 2016 10:35 am

I may be one who is way out of sync on this. Big alert, caution flags, be careful in response, this is based on my experience and my observations. What I read would have been a normal response from many Christian sources in my past (except for the masterbation recommendation, MB is a major sin no matter what). From the sex filled, sex saturated non-Christian world I would have expected a sex positive message and sympathy for the husband and a chastisement to the wife for not being a liberated woman in touch with her sexuality, etc. It all depends on the teaching of the churches you attend and people you associate with.

If you learn and hear that the outside world, non-Christian world, is sinful and everything they say and do is sinful, and on top of that they are over sexed and full of too much sex, then you will grow to have a world view that the secular viewpoint is to have sex anytime any place, with anyone you are with, and any form of sexual act is normal. Thus the opposite, the true Christian point of view, is sex is limited and has boundaries. Sex is not to be discussed in mixed company and the discussion is limited to parent and child (same sex), husband and wife, Doctor and patient, no more especially bringing in the sinful world into the church. Thus the wife is practicing the proper boundaries and the husband is acting like a sex crazed maniac that needs to learn that there is a place, a time, and a limit on sexual behavior.

That is the reason I still state that this site is rare and is a minority in the Christian world. Also JobMan's response is not something normal from a leader in the church.


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The Twit
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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby The Twit » Wed Aug 24, 2016 10:57 am

If I may add - watch how negative you are in talking about the non-Christian world. I have observed in all of my travels there are things like interpersonal relationships, parent-child issues, husband-wife issues that transcends to all people Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Taoist, or other religion. What I know is that Christianity has the correct teaching of the relationship with God and with each other.


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Re: Article: Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Postby Husband_In_Training » Wed Aug 24, 2016 11:25 am

From the secular feminist point of view this seems to follow that men are pigs, it's fully a woman's gatekeeping right to tell him if/when/what/were, that sex is NOT a core element of marriage (let alone a Christian marriage), marriage is not really a sexual union, and that a man is totally in the wrong for romancing his wife with the intention of sex.

In this case the secular point of view is actually backing up the 'traditional' Christian view that men are over sexed perverts - driven by a sinful nature which should be controlled/repressed.

No wonder marriages so easily disintegrate when even the secular world doesn't promote the value of sex as a priority in marriage.

Unconditional love is a decision, not purely an emotion. Sexual participation in marriage should be a decision as well...

Job- looking forward to her answer to you.


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