Sensory processing disorder and sex

Low or no sex drive?
At_the_beach
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Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby At_the_beach » Tue Sep 06, 2016 6:06 pm

Does anyone know of any resources to help people with sensory processing disorder cope with sex? There is a lot out there to help kids with clothes/foods/etc., but I haven't been able to find help for an adult with sex.

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poetess
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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby poetess » Tue Sep 06, 2016 7:34 pm

I don't know any resources, and others might. But you might also find help right here if you say a bit about the specific issue for which you would like to find help.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

At_the_beach
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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby At_the_beach » Tue Sep 06, 2016 7:59 pm

Sensory processing disorder is when the brain does not interpret sensory experiences in a typical way. Most of us have a kid that simply can't function if there is a wrinkle in their sock. The wrinkle, that many people wouldn't even notice, causes an undo amount of discomfort, stress and anxiety. That is what sensory processing disorder is like, except it is more far-reaching and upsetting than just the normal annoyance that most people experience from time to time. It isn't just socks, but also waistbands, rough fabric, tags, food textures, noises, bright lights, etc. I wasn't aware that this was what I had (it was rarely diagnosed and treated when I was a kid), until my own daughter was struggling and was diagnosed and received occupational therapy.

Sexual touch is extremely unpleasant, unless I am VERY in the mood (which unfortunately is rare). It isn't just blah or neutral, it is crawl out of your skin, set your teeth on edge, have to breath through it bad. I know that occupational therapy can help young kids, but I can't find a lot of information about help for adults. I can manage the disorder well in most areas of my life, but sex (where you have to submit to all kinds of touch) is something that I really struggle with.

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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby poetess » Tue Sep 06, 2016 8:25 pm

I have a milder form of it than that. Waistbands, textures in food, bright lights, moving objects in my line of sight when I'm trying to have a conversation. I choose my seat at a restaurant, church, etc. based on avoiding the TV, the speakers, the bright lights, etc. Overall I have a higher than usual sensory perception and a lower tolerance for sensual input, including spicy foods, annoying sounds, etc. And I have yet to find some versions of sexual touch (e.g. any touch of my breasts) anything close to sexy, but ranging anywhere from painful to neutral to if-it-turns-him-on-OK-because-at-least-this-time-it-doesn't-hurt touch. So I get it, at least a bit.

Have you experimented to see what does help you? For example, are you more easily aroused at ovulation time? Does music or candlelight help get you in the mood? Do you like kissing as long as it proceeds slowly at first? Is there a gentle touch that you enjoy (e.g., fingers through your hair)?
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby At_the_beach » Wed Sep 07, 2016 9:20 am

I really have a difficult time with low desire, so often it is very difficult for me to get in the mood no matter what time of the month it is or what type of foreplay. Alcohol helps to take the edge off, but it isn't the healthiest way to kick off intimacy. I have relied on alcohol a bit too much lately, drinking before bed most nights to help get me through. Not to the point where it has messed with my life or my ability to get up and get busy the next day, but definitely to the point where I realize I need to cut back.

Other than drinking, white knuckling it, or just being honest and letting my husband know that it just isn't going to work I haven't found much that helps.
Last edited by At_the_beach on Sat Sep 10, 2016 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

ghostrider
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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby ghostrider » Wed Sep 07, 2016 10:56 am

Has it always been this way for you? Do you remember ever wanting to be ravished by your DH before or shortly after you were married?

How old are your kids and are they at an age where they are clingy/always touching you?

Some of your symptoms sound similar to those of women with female low T or other hormone imbalances. I'm not saying the SPD isn't real and I'm not a Dr, but I wonder if a hormone workup and treatment plan and/or supplements could help mask some of your symptoms. It sounds like touching goes better for you when you have the desire already (whereas for many women desire is the result of touching). Maca Root, L-Tyrosine, and Mucuna Pruriens all stimulate the libido, and have few side effects. They can be purchased at the health food store.

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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby At_the_beach » Wed Sep 07, 2016 11:16 am

I have seen two doctors about my low desire, and had my hormone levels checked. My T was low, but the doctor has recommended managing it with DHEA and that seems to be working (as far as raising the numbers to an acceptable level anyway, not so much in changing my desire). My thyroid is also an issue, but we manage it as well as we can with medication. We do have several strikes against us. We have three kids and very little support from family (they live far away). We have a child with some developmental delays and a child with a chronic health condition that requires around the clock care (so I rarely sleep through the the night). Despite the challenges dh and I have always had a positive relationship and been a great support for one another.

I was sexually inexperienced before marriage. I wanted to be intimate with my husband, but yes the sensory issues were a problem from the start. The reality was very different from the fantasy. There have been times when the Stars have aligned and my desire has kicked in and my spd has toned down and those time have been great. But those times are definitely the exception rather than the rule.

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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby At_the_beach » Wed Sep 07, 2016 11:24 am

Thank you for the recommendations on the supplements, I will definitely look into it.

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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby ghostrider » Wed Sep 07, 2016 12:00 pm

I just remembered a therapy I had read about recently, called sensate focus. I had been going thru a slight bout of ED and low confidence but fortunately it resolved on its own. It seems that this is recommended by sex therapists for ED, sexual anxiety and other difficulties. It involves a lot of touching, but it is strictly non-sexual at first, with the idea of learning to enjoy the touch for its own sake. So I'm not sure if it would help in your case or not, but the idea of sex being off the table for your "session" might allow you to relax and accept the touching and to train yourself to become more comfortable with it. Short of going to a sex therapist, researching/attempting this therapy might be worth a try.

http://counselling-matters.org.uk/sites ... eFocus.pdf

Other things that have helped my wife when she had low desire include intentionally thinking sexual thoughts throughout the day, touching herself/MB, and use of a vibrator. Those help some women more than others, but what helped her most has been Armour thyroid/Wellbutrin for depression/energy and the supplements I listed above.

Also are you on any SSRI type antidepressants?

At_the_beach
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Re: Sensory processing disorder and sex

Postby At_the_beach » Thu Sep 08, 2016 6:30 pm

No, I am not on any depression meds. Thank you for the suggestions. I think that I have kind of thrown in the towel for the last few months, and I need to get my head back in the game. I will definitely check out the link.


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