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It was nice while it lasted

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 7:18 pm
by Imzadi
I'm pretty bummed and could use some encouragement, and of course any practical suggestions.

Hubby and I have been working intentionally on our sex life lately, specifically helping me get in touch with and "own" that side of myself. I think a lot of our problems would resolve themselves if I had more libido. Now I just finished breastfeeding my youngest around the beginning of February (a little over 2 months ago) - before that I was pregnant, breastfeeding, or both at once for almost 4 years straight :D Ya think that might impact drive?? :P

So for the first month or two after I "had my body back to myself," I actually had a libido ... I went to a physical therapist who specialized in women's issues for my C section scar, and she fixed all kinds of things with my lady parts that I hadn't known were wrong, and good things were happening ... I actually felt desire for my husband at random times during the day, it was lovely ... and then about 4 weeks ago, it all just flat-lined. My drive went away. And sometimes I feel like I actively do NOT want sex, which is unusual for me and just soooo discouraging. I've been trying so hard to learn to be sexual, and then my drive just BOOM. Vanishes.

I'm under some stress and fear right now (he just lost his job) and I'm sure that is impacting it. My lady PT says it can take 4-6 months after ending breastfeeding for hormones to level out ... so I have 2-4 more months of this to endure before I can start looking into hormone issues ... I just want to cry. I want my drive back. I want to at least feel open to having sex, not feel like I have to talk myself into it and dread the question of whether or not I will enjoy it this time. (Which of course is a vicious cycle.)

Anyways. Thank you for listening.

Re: It was nice while it lasted

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:31 pm
by Pallando
I'm so sorry. That sounds hard to get your drive back and then lose it overnight.

I'll start with the low hanging fruit: does finishing breastfeeding mean going on birth control? What do you use?

Re: It was nice while it lasted

Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 6:05 am
by Imzadi
Great question. No birth control as yet (vasectomy).

Re: It was nice while it lasted

Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 6:38 am
by Imzadi
I took a risk last night and texted a couple good girlfriends about this, whom I've never spoken to about my sex life before. One of them replied this morning and pointed out that our marriage is in a very stressful season and offered to talk more. (Yay!) She has a point. I've been trying SO hard to convince myself that I'm NOT stressed about my husband being out of work ... (we have a nice emergency fund, why should I be stressed? I REFUSE to be stressed, I'm not stressed) ... now I have to be honest with myself and admit that I'm incredibly stressed.

So, now I have to remember all the great stress management techniques I used to know, and how to cast my burdens on the Lord :)

Re: It was nice while it lasted

Posted: Wed May 03, 2017 8:25 pm
by ItsJustUs
My husband lost his job last year. He got a good severance but I still worried. A lot. On the other hand, he was home more when the kids were still at school, so when he wasn't looking or interviewing we found other things to do to occupy his time.

But I had a really hard time enjoying the ML because constantly in the back of mind was the thought that he wasn't going to find a new job in time, we'd lose the house, our two old cars would break down. Hard to be in the mood when your brain won't shut up for 5 seconds.

I finally told him what was going on, said I wanted to love him and give him pleasure, but didn't think I'd be able to get into it for a while for myself. He suggested we pray together about the job and my fears. We began doing that every day, and gradually I began to trust. We had some of the best sex! But before I "arrived" I just focused on him. Losing his job was a big blow to his pride. It was during that time I really began giving him OS more.

Anyway, long way of saying yes, stress can do a number on your desire. If you don't pray together, try it.