Detachment

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SeekingChange
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Detachment

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:23 pm

The year 2016 was a very hard year for me personally, my husband seemed to do a switch on me, and the personal battle and growth that came out of that for me was not easy, but the Lord brought me to a new place as a wife. The year 2017, I can put in the books as the hardest year of my life, that encompasses ministry, marriage, and motherhood. I am ready to say goodbye to 2017.

These past two years have really taken a toll on me. I find myself detached from my husband, much due to his own choices, and I find no motivation to do anything to fight for a reconnection. I have a really bad tendency, we could blame it on personality, when someone let's me go, I don't hold on either. I think that last little grip of holding on is slipping, and I seem to have lost my care.

I would like 2018 to be different, but I know a change in me has to happen first.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

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seeking perspective
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Re: Detachment

Postby seeking perspective » Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:54 pm

I am praying for a reversal of the detachment and for good transformative changes in both you and your husband.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
The Forgiven Wife
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TJC
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Re: Detachment

Postby TJC » Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:37 am

I am sorry to hear this. I will pray for you, and hope that you can find contentment in your marriage.
This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16

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SeekingChange
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Re: Detachment

Postby SeekingChange » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:56 am

I am angry. I am hurt. How can he let things get here again? Why doesn't he care more? Does he not see, does he not know, or even worse, does he not care that he is losing me and that I feel I am slowly dying inside? Why is everyone and everything else more important to save? I know there's no answer to those questions. I can't answer them. But those are the questions I have to face when I am faced with being quiet and alone. I am a fighter by nature. I am tired of fighting. I shouldn't have had to fight for myself and to have a voice as a girl. I shouldn't have to constantly fight to have a place higher up than the bottom in my husband's life. I feel like it's always me fighting alone against the world. It's only me fighting for what is right. I am tired of fighting. I'm done. I drop my sword. I will be on my knees and I will cry for a while. Maybe one day I will have strength enough to pick it up again. I know feelings aren't stable or accurate. Don't worry about me, I am in my Father's arms.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

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seeking perspective
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Re: Detachment

Postby seeking perspective » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:03 am

I am sorry you are hurting so much. My heart aches for yours. As alone as you may feel, many are supporting you in prayer. Hugs to you, my friend.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
The Forgiven Wife
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SteveS
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Re: Detachment

Postby SteveS » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:11 am

Praying for you my friend...

workerbee
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Re: Detachment

Postby workerbee » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:53 am

You are in my prayers and in my thoughts.

I am sorry you are going through this.

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The Twit
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Re: Detachment

Postby The Twit » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:58 am

Just a short note to let you know I am praying for your mental and emotional health at his time and in the next few weeks. Also praying for a change in your husband's attitude and to bring back his focus on you as you need him more now.

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poetess
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Re: Detachment

Postby poetess » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:15 pm

I just prayed for you. Have you told him what you told us?
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

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Olorin
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Re: Detachment

Postby Olorin » Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:27 am

Praying for you and your husband.

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Dale
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Re: Detachment

Postby Dale » Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:36 am

Praying for a wholeness and peace and intimacy beyond anything you have known before!

Dale

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SeekingChange
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Re: Detachment

Postby SeekingChange » Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:19 am

Thank you for the prayers, I can feel them. I copied my two posts and sent them to him. There's nothing new in them that hasn't been said to him in some form or another these past two years..... here's to one more shot. :|
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

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Princess0621
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Re: Detachment

Postby Princess0621 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:48 am

Praying for you Seeking Change, I hope this next year will be a better one for you!

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Nvr2Late
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Re: Detachment

Postby Nvr2Late » Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:46 pm

My heart breaks for you. Adding my prayers to the others.
___________________________________________________________________________
How we handle our spouse's shortcomings reveals more about our own character than theirs. * I’ve already told you more than I know.

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SeekingChange
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Re: Detachment

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:54 pm

Thank you.

He did reply back with an email saying thank you for letting him know, he was sorry, and that he's praying about what changes he needs to make.

Yesterday he brought me home some pink roses and a chai latte... just because. He hasn't done this for over 2 years. He's trying.


Princess0621, when I see your Audrey Hepburn avatar, I see my mom :shock: it always takes me aback a little in this setting. In her younger years she highly resembled that photo.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

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Princess0621
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Re: Detachment

Postby Princess0621 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:38 am

Seeking Change I'm glad your DH is making an attempt at trying I will still be praying for you!
I love Audrey Hepburn I choose her because of her class and ladylike manners reminds me I need to be more like that :D I'm fairly young but I grow up watching the classics. You mother must have been gorgeous!

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SeekingChange
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Re: Detachment

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:28 pm

Today seems like a harder day. Sometimes what I see in myself scares me.

Where does a pastor's wife go when she feels like throwing in the towel and turning her back on it all and just walking away, from ministry and marriage....
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

User avatar
seeking perspective
Under the stars
Posts: 5606
Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:01 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 27th, 1991
Gender: Female
Location: between the Northwoods and the Great Plains and the Great Lakes
Contact:

Re: Detachment

Postby seeking perspective » Sat Jan 20, 2018 6:51 pm

Are you part of any online groups specifically for pastors' wives? I know from talking with other friends that you are not the only one who has felt this way. I hope your day has gotten better. I'm praying for a brighter outlook for you.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
The Forgiven Wife
and Sex Chat for Christian Wives

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SeekingChange
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Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
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Re: Detachment

Postby SeekingChange » Sat Jan 20, 2018 6:55 pm

seeking perspective wrote:Are you part of any online groups specifically for pastors' wives?
Not really, the one group I am a part of isn't a personal group. I don't know of any other groups.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story

User avatar
SeekingChange
Under the stars
Posts: 5309
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:41 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): August 17th, 1994
Gender: Female

Re: Detachment

Postby SeekingChange » Sun Jan 21, 2018 11:39 am

We are visiting my sister's church. There were a couple of points that the Spirit spoke directly to me. I went up for prayer to an older man who works with my bil in ministry. He knows us. That was the first verbalization of telling someone where I am with wanting to walk away. He prayed for me, but he also said he wants, with his wife, to meet me alone (without other family around) this week while we are here in the area visiting. We will see if it works out, I pray it does.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

My Story


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