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Addiction, fantasy, habitual masturbation ...
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Deleted User 499
The State of Things, thank you for sharing. I have been in the dark place you describe, but perhaps not to the same depth. Nevertheless I was in bondage and needed deliverance. I was I despair and felt so separated from God and helpless. My marriage relationship was miserable. One day I had a very intense fear that I was lost, apart from God and bound for hell. Porn and lust is a very destructive sin, and as you describe, it will change how you view women. I felt like at any moment my life could end and I would be apart from God forever. We don’t know the length of our life. I immediately fell to my knees and wept and begged God to forgive me through the blood sacrifice of Jesus. He atoned for my sin, and I felt His comfort. I inhaled Scripture, always in the Word, but before this I was like you, my spiritual life was dead. I knew I couldn’t go back to porn. God gave me the strength to stand against it. My conscience has strengthened, and at times I have come across inappropriate images online, but it’s different now. It used to be bondage and I couldn’t stop. Now I feel a freedom to just leave and not return. I never stopped masturbating but certainly did work on where my mind was, avoiding ungodly, inappropriate thoughts.
This is my story. God can do the same for you, but think carefully. Are you repenting in the strength of Christ by the Holy Spirit, or is it your own fleshly, weak effort? Have you felt the weight of your sin, and the eternal judgement that you (all of us) deserve because of our sin? Have you put your faith in the only One who can deliver you from death to life? Have you received the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ as atonement for your sin? If so, you are an adopted child of God. Children strive to look like their Heavenly Father. The Holy Spirit will guide you in truth and righteousness. While salvation does not mean we stop sinning entirely, we live a repentant life. It is so important to deal with this now before marriage. I’ll be praying for you. May God be merciful and gracious toward you, this is His work not ours when we are victorious over sin. So pray, beg, plead. Pray that you see that God is more glorious, and life without Him is worthless. He can deliver and change your view of women.