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Is Porn An Addiction?

Addiction, fantasy, habitual masturbation ...
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DoveGrey
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by DoveGrey »

LBD wrote: Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:51 pm
Yes, we are powerless, but IN HIM we are not. You won't get that in a AA.
Again, that is dependent on the AA program group/leader. I have close friends who have had deeply Biblical AA experiences. The group lead can mold his group as he see fit.
I would not normally reply to a thread that has seemed to die out, but I am compelled here by my promise under the 12th Step of CoDA to reach out to anyone who may be in or considering a 12 Step group. In short, they work and are very aligned with Christian principles.

I completely agree with @LBD. The whole point of Step 1 is to get people to realize that as humans, we are powerless over our addictions / emotions / reactions to certain things depending on the group you are in. It brings you to the point where you realize you need a higher power to get you into recovery because you can't do it without that higher power. That's Step 2. Step 3 is about learning to surrender to the higher power.

In many groups, particularly those run from a church, that higher power is God not because the people in the group push it (there are no leaders, being run by group consensus), but because many of the people in the group have been called by God and are examples to the others.

That's completely in line with Biblical teaching whether or not it's got the Christian label on it. In some areas, it's hard to find the 12 Step group that you need, and I would hate for anyone here to shy away from a 12 Step group just because they read here that the ones without the Christian label aren't as good.

They are tried and true for over 80 years now, and they work if you follow your program on top of adequate medical care. Joining a 12 Step group, more than anything else, was the #1 indicator (from my Christian behavioral health center) for patients actually making a recovery. It's everything.

Plus, I myself watched people go from atheists to strong Christians as a result of Step 2 and beyond. Without a Christian label on the group name. He's everywhere, not just in churches.

If you are reading this and are considering joining a 12 Step group, any group, feel free to DM me. I take my vow of anonymity seriously, and I can get you on the right track. As we say, the program works if you work it.
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mkzv
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by mkzv »

SeekingChange wrote: Mon Jan 25, 2021 12:09 pm
...We are a people of process, and God's okay with that, we're the ones who usually aren't...
I'm a one liner man, this is one good line SC!
Lately, I'm intentionally trying to keep this in mind when I interact with other people. We should always be full of hope for greater love and commitment to Christ, better communication with one another, diligent fight against sin, but all of it takes time. I must confess, often I'm dragging my feet in all that I just listed, help me Lord.
olafthewise
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by olafthewise »

As I've said before I have many flaws and my past porn addiction was a bad one.
lets start with origins;
I have quit porn about 4 times and went without for months. Then relapse after relapse, then epiphany.
In the past I listened to pastors and Christian therapists shame people into treatment by calling this sin and idolatry.
Well, killing is sin.
stealing is sin.
deception and lying is a sin.
Ok, for me I had to win so I needed more than shame to change me. people can hide from shame.
Use of the DSM-5 and diagnosing is all for insurance and a way to explain the disorder.
So, porn use is sin, idolatry, addiction and just a waste of precious time and damaging.
so, I targeted my porn use as a big brain stimulant and looked for alternatives. I won.
By the way, just like gateway drugs such as marijuana, porn has gateway material too. Be aware.
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Beccaloo
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by Beccaloo »

olafthewise wrote: Sun Feb 07, 2021 11:47 pm By the way, just like gateway drugs such as marijuana, porn has gateway material too. Be aware.
Since I have boys, who think differently than I do, would you mind listing some of the gateway material so I can be aware of those?
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mkzv
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by mkzv »

As I see it, porn is an attempt to reach fantasy. I was addicted (meaning I knew it was wrong but I came back to it regularly) from age 12 - 19 I fervently prayed and asked God to free me, and he did. As John Piper said, that the only way to turn away from junk food is to present a more superior feast (my paraphrase). I delighted in God and it was sweet time. Then right before marriage at age 24-25 it started to creep back up occasionally. Once married first few years it was extremely rare. But in the last few years the reason I turned to it is when my needs were not met I sought to view that which DW would not do or try. I completely understand that it is wrong, I'm just sharing what drew me in. Until we had brake down moment, and told DW all my desires and where I felt neglected. Things got so much better, and I haven't viewed in a while. But that does not mean I'm never tempted. But the temptation is much easier to win when you are satisfied with your spouse. I always tell DW, its like after you just ate your favorite food, you have no desire to eat or even look at some junk food, it's just not attractive to you. As a man I am very visual, I appreciate that I can talk to DW when we are out somewhere and I see some lady that clearly shows to much, we talk calmly talk about it, I value that! vs like some women will say something put down their man for looking at something too revealing.

I've talked with few men over the years and it's a real struggle for many. I just can't stand those people who sometimes act as if they got it all together, and are always shocked or disgusted by those who struggle.

What helped me at one point, is when my older brother took me up to disciple me, and it has helped me to have accountability. Accountability only works, if the person struggling is honest and open, and the person helping is patient and consistent in approach.
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Beccaloo
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by Beccaloo »

@mkzv - thank you for sharing. I appreciate that SO much.
Being a girl, I am learning more & more the actual struggle of being a guy.
The more I learn, the more my thoughts go straight to compassion instead of anger or personal hurt with others.
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Hiswifeagain
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by Hiswifeagain »

mkzv wrote:As I see it, porn is an attempt to reach fantasy. I was addicted (meaning I knew it was wrong but I came back to it regularly) from age 12 - 19 I fervently prayed and asked God to free me, and he did.
When you were 12 was there something other than porn that was your gateway to porn? I think the idea of a gateway is that it’s something less dangerous and more “acceptable”. I was thinking like maybe Sports Illustrated swim suit addition or lingerie catalogue? I’m just wondering what we should be protecting kids from that leads them to porn? Thank you for sharing your experience. Image


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mkzv
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by mkzv »

@ Hiswifeagain
This will be different for many people, but for me the gateway was the whole approach to anything sexual at home. I grew up on legalistic approach to life. When we would watch movies and there was kissing scene on the TV my mom would say "eww turn that off or switch channel" I liked what I saw but I was told that is not good, well curiosity killed the cat. The more I was tough that anything sexual or intimate was shameful, the more I wanted to find out about it. Looking back, I see how ironic it was that we wouldn't be allowed to view a love (kissing, hugging) scene, when at night I would stay up to watch pornography and masturbate.
To avoid I would put some safeguards, on your kids phones/tablets, but more importantly is to have the environment at home where they could talk to you about sex, and have gracious attitude if they are already going on this path. My dad first had sex/porno talk with me when I was around 17-18 and it was once and never again. If you want to help your kids, talk to them about how they feel about their peers, do they wish they could do something they can't because they are in Christian home? and talk through it. I'll share my testimony one of these days, but in short I sensed that I had live up being a PK or at least appear that way. It would be the end of the world for me if I shared anything wrong that I did. I'm sure my parents would never say that, but the environment and expectation at home gave me that sense.
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Hiswifeagain
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by Hiswifeagain »

Thanks, my kids are all grown and having their own kids which is why I was curious. Sad that your mom probably caused you to seek the very thing she was trying to protect you from.


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olafthewise
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Re: Is Porn An Addiction?

Post by olafthewise »

Gateway to porn;
anything that is explicit in nature. Slender cute girls in 2 piece swimsuits age 14 and up to 50 years old. Any explicit photo of the same type of girls nude but all her parts are covered by her arm, a pillow, etc. Any depiction of a sexual nature, dry humping, girl on top of a guy exchanging affections. My favorite poster as a teen was of Cheryl Ladd in a sweat jacket with a very small portion of her breasts showing. I loved that poster. It was also explicit in nature. Many bikini posters were sold to young men in years past, beer commercial posters as well. The innocent nature of the girl in the poster is beautiful and she is cute but lets get real, it starts moving a young mans blood and gets him thinking of sexual things.
So, sexuality is the way we are. In the past, those posters were as bad as it got unless you moved to soft porn mags. Today, girls of a sexual nature and pose are a click away on one's phone. Instagram is notorious for explicit photos from many girls who are advertising energy drinks and other products and also to get themselves into the modeling industry. Some pictures show full nudes with the specific sex parts covered by a blur or photographers paint brush because Instagram has a non nude policy. But really, they go right to the edge on that policy.
Porn for male teens today is such that your teen may have already viewed it either intentionally or by looking up a model or actress he likes. When you look up an actress, chances are someone has created a "motifake" of his favorite actress and superimposed a nude picture under her face and head, thus allowing him to see a nude pic just in the search itself. Then he is drawn to it and clicks for more and wham, porn addict. No matter what he does, the nude pic is in his head.
My own daughter wears tiny shorts and is a very slender 17 year old. She sometimes will desire to go to church group in those shorts. I won't allow it. She can show her beautiful legs at home but teen guys need a break. Her board shorts will do fine and if I can help a struggling teen guy who sees nothing but sexy teen girls, we then need to try and cool off what he sees.
Here's another thing; teen girls go out and show midriff and legs and or breasts with pushup bra, guys see one thing; sexy.
Also, at church in sunny souther cal; girls wear tight short dresses, short shorts, tight jeans, etc. This is very distracting to all the men at church. Don't get me wrong, I love our young women at church, looking for love and eventually marry our sons. But the distraction is big when dressed "sexy." Ask shaunti feldhahn who did surveys of men; Q: if a beautiful woman walked in the room would you notice? A: 95% YES. I'm not advocating a strict dress code, just awareness that explicit views are all around us and in many cases those thoughts cause young men to look further on the internet.
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