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- Posts: 4612
- Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:45 pm
- Location: All I know is I'm not home yet
A while back I watched a message where the preacher was speaking on porn, and one thing he pointed out with women, is often the reason they start watching is a little different than men. Often times a woman goes seeking it to "learn" or for "educational purposes". Maybe they want to learn how to do a technique better. That's when the hook can get to them.
In our first year of marriage, I know it was at my suggestion that we watched some. I don't recall the exact appeal to it, other than I know it aroused me and helped me desire sex. Over the years, I have been more tempted by erotica than by videos. I have seen a connection to there being a "lack" in the relationship, feeling lonely can be a trigger for many.
Erotica is something different where women are concerned. You can read a book and it allows you to escape your life for a bit. You could have a great marriage, but maybe you're just stressed and want to get into someone else's mind for a while. I will occasionally pick up a romance novel just because they're easy to read, they're formulaic, and if the sex is too much I just flip the page. I usually have 3 books going: 1 for work, 1 for personal edification, and a "feel good" book that helps me fall asleep at night.
But what I read probably isn't considered erotica. Those are the ones that have a sex scene almost every chapter. I've read a couple of those - not all the way through because the writing's usually hideous and I just don't get the point. Women I've talked to who are into those books are either lonely or aren't happy with what's happening in their beds. Different sides of the same coin, really.
I did once meet a woman who read erotica just so she'd have something to talk about with the other Girl Scout moms. That was a sad case. She was the only member of the group who didn't read, and she just wanted to fit in. Trouble was, everyone else was reading books that you could have conversations about with children in the room. And no one thought it was appropriate. Poor thing.
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Just like men, this is basic biology, and her feelings about sex and porn don't change it. It's like cocaine, being opposed to it won't keep you from getting high if someone makes you use it.
So that could certainly be a draw. It can also be a source of significant cognitive dissidence. She may fear her arousal means all kinds of things about her that are not the case.
Watching porn will turn a woman on, make it more likely she will orgasm, and probably mean a stronger orgasm. However, it can also mess her up in a lot of ways and trash her sex life long term.
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- Location: In the tropics or in Stardew Valley
My frustration with our sex life. If I wasn't getting it, I wanted to watch others get it and get aroused by that. Ridiculous thinking, I know. It was probably driven by lonliness.
After I got there I realized I had thought of those same situations and scenarios when I was in elementary and middle school (not sure if it was before or after my abuse by a grandchild of my babysitter. My Dad was also a physical adulterer (he never treated me inappropriately) when I was in Kindergarten and elementary school so I think that Spirit was let loose on the household and I, being young, picked it up.) so it felt nostalgic and okay because it had previously come from my own mind. I used to put myself to sleep liking that aroused feeling I got from my fantasies.
Also after I got there, I wanted to see portrayals of what I'd always wanted to experience, but knew DH would never be up for (I've had quite the struggle with my high libido self). When I watch it, I replace the females with myself.
When I found a community of kinksters I thought I was at home. They had the same passions for what I was passionate for. In that way it was like gangs. You long for a family and they seemingly provide one. I was attracted to the kinksters because they all were consentual adults. It seemed they practiced their kinks responsibly (I guess like drinking responsibly) and valued being responsible. They also cautioned others to be responsible and took measures to enact discipline on those who weren't acting responsibly. I gravitated to the married couples represented there because I wished DH and I could be there.
After that it wasn't the videos I was drawn to. I was drawn to the education in kinks. They answered my questions and set me straight on techniques. It was amazing being able to talk with others who understood my high libido and adventurous ideas. It felt like they saw me and got me. I finally wasn't the only one. Everyone there had a high libido and were even more adventurous than I was.
Someone mentioned erotica and that is what I got into as well. Again, replacing the characters with me and DH. I also started writing it and shared it in that community. It was well received back then (even criticisms were a good thing), but I haven't written anything in almost 4 years. I'm wondering if I can get back to it and write about DH and I. I hope to show it to him and because of all the detail, he chooses to use it as a manual. Just about nil chance, but a girl does dream...
Didn't think I would, but yes. I got triggered again and after 3 years I watched a movie I had been looking for when I first got into that kinkster community.
I never did this single. It was only after marriage and broken expectations.
This is something I want to address. I'm never MB'ing to this. Men do that all the time. I'd say 100% of the time. I just get aroused and am fine with that. I do imagine myself experiencing what the females are experiencing and that is the main pull for me. Since I'm adventurous, I can imagine many different scenarios, but they have nil chance of becoming reality.
I also still have plenty of libido for DH. I guess that's because I'm not MB'ing to it.
Long before we were an Item, she went to see Male exotic dancers
I asked her what it was that she liked about that sort of thing. the only answer she could give was that she just liked it
I think that it is the fact that a guy is taking it off for a group of women, and that there is some excitement about seeing something that you are not really supposed to be seeing that appealing, or exciting.
If watching a TV show or movie that has any sex scenes or promiscuousness , she seems to drawn to it , almost cheering on the actors
Unfortunately she does not show as much excitement in our own bedroom.