Communications and change

Any sexual problems or difficulties not listed in a specific section.
rn2god
Double
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Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2014 12:25 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): March 23rd, 1996
Gender: Male

Communications and change

Postby rn2god » Sat Feb 28, 2015 8:14 pm

I've been mostly a lurker, but I have contributed to a few other threads. My wife and I have never been on the same page with regard to sex or sexuality. She has opened up to me a little over the years and I know that our past (and perhaps hers before me) is part of the reason we are where we are. She's not a refuser and we she seems to have a good time when we make love. However, I want so much more than what we have and I know that there's a lot more out there for us in the way of love and affection for one another.

Like others have posted before me, this site has been kind of a love/hate for me. The more I read, the more I long to have a much deeper relationship with my wife. But the more I read, the more I realize what we're missing. She thinks we're just fine where we are - no more/no less. We're to the point that we don't communicate about this anymore. I guess you could say that we've agree to disagree. I've done all kinds of things to communicate how I feel, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference. I've written her a long and detailed hand-written letter. I've sent her over 100 texts telling her all of the things I love about her and love to do to and with her. I've given her an erotic bath - https://thepurebed.wordpress.com/2009/06/10/anatomy-of-an-erotic-bath/. I've created her an account here at TMB and left her computer browser opened to the forum a few times. I've sent her countless links to blogs and articles - even had her read some with me sitting there. Yet nothing really has changed and we are talking about it less and less if at all.

I feel stuck. I find myself going down negative paths in my mind all the time with regard to our relationship, but I did hear a good piece of advice on the radio the other day - every time you let your thoughts turn negative - pray and ask God to help you and her. I'm trying to do that as often as I can remember to do so. I went back and read SimpleC's entire story to date. In some ways it has really encouraged me to try harder, but I'm somewhat at a loss of what else to do. I appreciate this forum and all of those so willing to share their struggles and their victories. It is comforting to know that in the end, our hope can only be in Christ.

convicted
Under the stars
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Date of your marriage (past or future): June 7th, 2008
Gender: Male
Location: Colorado

Re: Communications and change

Postby convicted » Sat Feb 28, 2015 9:11 pm

I found that when I was intentional about my maturing it had a necessary effect on my wife.
I found that when I realized I was after deeper intimacy or knowing as scripture notes it, not just sex, that it affected how I....pursued my wife, which had a necessary effect on my wife.
I've found that communication isn't the problem. we communicate quite effectively. the problem is handling the things we are communicating about.....which leads back to my first observation.
If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.

workerbee
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Date of your marriage (past or future): July 27th, 1995
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Re: Communications and change

Postby workerbee » Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:12 am

DH is LD and I find myself in the position of wanting to "know" my husband and pursue him without feeling known or pursued by him.

I know this is a state of friction that is ongoing and is in theory a growth stage in our marriage but I'm tired of feeling like I am pulling him along. I feel like I am leading and I want to follow.

Ugggghhh.

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poetess
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Re: Communications and change

Postby poetess » Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:31 pm

rn2God,

It sounds like you've said enough about sex that she might be heartily sick of the subject. Men aren't the only ones who don't like to be nagged.

You say that she isn't a refuser and she enjoys sex when you have it. But you don't say what the problem is. Does she not like it as much as you do? (It's rather normal that one has a higher libido.) Does she have to get into it before she really enjoys it? (That's pretty normal for women.) You don't say what the problem is except that you have mentioned it enough that she is tired of the subject.
Marriage--what a wonderful image of Christ's love for His bride!

tjw
King bed
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Date of your marriage (past or future): April 17th, 2010
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Re: Communications and change

Postby tjw » Sat Apr 29, 2017 5:02 am

rn2god wrote:I feel stuck. I find myself going down negative paths in my mind all the time with regard to our relationship, but I did hear a good piece of advice on the radio the other day - every time you let your thoughts turn negative - pray and ask God to help you and her.


Well, yes, this is good PARTIAL advice. Praying for God's help is always applicable, and always good, in every situation. However, this is incomplete advice. Just stopping negative thoughts is not enough. Prayer is not enough. We have to REPLACE negative thinking with biblical thinking.

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.


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