Marriage and Mental Health

Any sexual problems or difficulties not listed in a specific section.
mamame
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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby mamame » Mon Mar 30, 2015 3:34 pm

Don't worry about an episode on the boards. Now that we know, we can help you with that. We've got your back!

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OldMarriedLady
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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby OldMarriedLady » Mon Mar 30, 2015 9:48 pm

My mom was bipolar all of her life; my 27 year old daughter is also bipolar and most likely has BPD, too. She was also sexually assaulted when she was 15 but hid it from all of us for 7 years, and was cutting herself all that time (we only found that out recently, too). Unfortunately she refuses to acknowledge that she has any problems and will not seek any kind of treatment. ::bh

The fact that you are aware of your issues and are actively seeking treatment for them is awesome. Like the others said, we've got your back. If you were to start posting oddly here I'd probably move your post(s) off the board and contact you to see if you're OK.

We had a member here years ago, lurioosi was her username, who was bipolar. I miss her.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)

Kuma

Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby Kuma » Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:12 pm

I'm proud of you Wolfy.
I know it was tough, but I'm glad you gathered the courage!

Thank you everyone. With each interaction we have here, we find more and more that Christ is truly here. Thank you for you love and understanding. :o ::tnx

As a side note, my first psychiatrist appointment is in May! Thank you all here for being accountability partners, and thank you DW for all your loving support!

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Wolfy
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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby Wolfy » Tue Mar 31, 2015 4:42 pm

seeking perspective wrote:Thank you for your courage in sharing this with us. Every person who shares chips away a bit at the stigma of mental illness. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with. I have experienced depression, PTSD, and anxiety. I'm fortunate that it's all been rather mild (other than the depression for a time), and I know how easy it is for things to feel like they're spinning out of control just with those challenges. I can't imagine what it would be like to have more than that to deal with.

You are loved here, Wolfy.


Thank you, Seeking Perspective! I'm a believer that no matter how mild or severe, mental health problems can really take their toll on a person. I know I often feel the effects throughout my being - physical, emotional, and spiritual!

As to being loved here, thank you...thank you...those words are always necessary, even if they are from the anonymity of the internet. :)

We'll chip away at the stigma one story at a time!

Hiswifeagain wrote:Thank you for trusting us enough to share, Wolfy. I can understand your reticence at sharing and I agree with SP. The more people are open, the less stigma it will carry because so few make it through life without being touched by mental illness in one way or another. Good for you. :)


Very true, everyone is touched by mental illness even if they don't want to admit it! Here's to being open!

mamame wrote:Don't worry about an episode on the boards. Now that we know, we can help you with that. We've got your back!


Thank you SO very much, Mamame! :D

OldMarriedLady wrote:My mom was bipolar all of her life; my 27 year old daughter is also bipolar and most likely has BPD, too.  She was also sexually assaulted when she was 15 but hid it from all of us for 7 years, and was cutting herself all that time (we only found that out recently, too).  Unfortunately she refuses to acknowledge that she has any problems and will not seek any kind of treatment.   ::bh


Wow. It really is true that we've all been touched by mental illness. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter....cutting is no easy issue - I've got permanent scarring - and not getting treatment for things, even things in the past, is (to me) an open door for that cycle of brokenness to continue. :( I pray she's able to keep herself safe in the midst of Bipolar and possible BPD!

The fact that you are aware of your issues and are actively seeking treatment for them is awesome.  Like the others said, we've got your back.  If you were to start posting oddly here I'd probably move your post(s) off the board and contact you to see if you're OK. 

We had a member here years ago, lurioosi was her username, who was bipolar.  I miss her.


I always knew something was off, but for years when I went to get help I was misdiagnosed with Depression. I once went manic due to an antidepressant (classic sign of Bipolar I), it was overlooked...I once told a psychiatrist in the hospital I thought I'd at least had hypomanic episodes, again it was overlooked...but because my tendency was depression (with racing thoughts - overlooked), that was the constant struggle.

Anyhow, that's me rambling. I'm glad I got myself help before my suicide attempts and cutting got the best of me. God has really taken care of me...

Thanks for looking out for me. I pray I don't ever end up notably "off" around here, but it's definitely nice to be supported!

Kuma wrote:I'm proud of you Wolfy.
I know it was tough, but I'm glad you gathered the courage!

Thank you everyone. With each interaction we have here, we find more and more that Christ is truly here. Thank you for you love and understanding. :o  ::tnx

As a side note, my first psychiatrist appointment is in May! Thank you all here for being accountability partners, and thank you DW for all your loving support!


Thank you, love! :D

I'm so proud of you for opening up to the psychiatrist. I'm glad he's willing to counsel us together and simply be our brother in Christ. (:
Standing beside Kuma, my beloved bear and husband! (:

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Wolfy
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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby Wolfy » Tue Mar 31, 2015 5:45 pm

First I'm going to post about my epiphany that I had to talk to my husband about, and second my true response to cbmike's post.

The breakthrough moment I had came with writing on my being alone and the fear of abandonment.  I think part of that spurs from other things that happened in my childhood, but another thing came to mind. That was that I was taught and told those various lines, to just move on with my life.

While my "fear" might only be perceived, through life circumstances as I mentioned, I realize now it may also come from these negative statements. There is no simply getting over/snapping out of/sucking it up and moving on when it comes to mental illness. It takes time to heal and recover and come to terms with living this way. 

Secondly comes of the stigma and learning to ignore those ignorant of mental illness. You see, us Borderlines are supposedly "known" to have a tendency to be loud and boisterous, attention-seeking due to self-destructive behavior, using suicide threats and self-harm to manipulate people, and basically stuck up and conceited, users of drugs and illicit sex to get their way and numb the emotional pain.

I am not like that. I am a quiet, introverted, "internalized" person with BPD. The typical response would be stigmatized as everything is everyone else's fault. Not so with me - everything is my fault. I use self-harm as my coping mechanism for numbing emotional pain. I've never used drugs, dear Kuma was my first sexual partner, and we saved my (technical)* virginity for the wedding night.

* I cannot call it full due to past trauma...

Since marriage, I have realized for the first time that my self-injury can hurt another. Especially because my husband and I are one flesh... I had people in the past ask me in frustration, "don't you see how this hurts me?" well, no, I'm the hurt one here.

Kuma has never reacted that way. Instead he has kissed my wounds and scars and reminded me I am beautiful and loved and needed. I've never had that before him...

It's a reminder to me that God provides, that the grace of Jesus is real, and that the Spirit is moving. :D
Standing beside Kuma, my beloved bear and husband! (:

Kuma

Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby Kuma » Wed May 27, 2015 8:32 pm

I continue to be proud of the progress of my DW and I. Progress, however, is not often without bumps in the road.

We've hit a rough spot. Mind you that it is not something that has come between us, although God knows it has tried.

Essentially... We had our combined nearly 3 hour total psychiatric appointment. So far I'm being diagnosed with a mild form of bipolar disorder, anxiety, and also mild PTSD. I was given a prescription and DW had one of her medications switched, mostly due to ineffectiveness and weight gain. It made her self conscious, and I did my best to let her know that I will ALWAYS find her beautiful and sexy... But it was/is hard for her when clothes aren't fitting well... :(

On top of how rough a normal medication change can be, other situations made it worse... It got to the point of me staying home from work on fmla to keep her safe... Work didn't like that and, long story short, they have suspended me under investigation(aka: they want me gone)

However, we have been optimistic... And honestly, being home without the anxiety of what "might happen" with my work or being at work worried sick about what could happen at home... It has given us both time to heal.

Now in this, hours feel like days and days like weeks... Often in our optimism we seem to dismiss how recent bad spikes have been or their severity... I don't want us to feel that we're ready for bigger steps too soon. I don't want to stumble due to illusions and I don't want to hurt our progression in healing. It makes me want to make a log of our day and dissociations or episodes that occur. If for nothing else, to be able to better discern between temporary highs and where we truly stand.

In all of this I want to express how thankful I am to our God and Father... For the love and support of my beloved wife, and for the blessings that he continues to give.

So now I ask has anyone has been through similar... Whether it be gauging your health and ability to go back to work or perhaps being too optimistic. Any advice?

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cbmike
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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby cbmike » Thu May 28, 2015 7:27 am

I've never been a lister, a schedule-maker or a journaler, so logging episodes isn't the kind of thing I personally would do; I've kept a vague mental count, but nothing more than that.

The only potential danger I can think of is that one may get too fixated on every little variation in episode frequency. There's obviously a certain amount of random variance with episodes, so not every temporary increase or decrease represents a trend. That said, I think some people have a greater tendency to do this sort of thing than others, so if you normally are a person who is happier living by lists, schedules, journals, then it may well be helpful for you, and your psychiatrist may appreciate it as well.
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alaska bob
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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby alaska bob » Thu May 28, 2015 11:33 am

we've had a big impact in our marriage from mental health issues. My wife had a couple of significant bouts with depression, both of which began post partem. She has had a variety of undiagnosed issues prior to that, among them being OCD, low self esteem, and related to these (either in cause or as a symptom of) she has a long history of insomnia.

At worst, she was suicidal and abusing prescription pain medicine. She had one suicide attempt and admitted later that she had numerous occasions when she would have killed herself if she could have figured out a way to do it without one of our kids being the one to find her.

She still has what I would consider to be periods of clinical depression, still demonstrates some OCD tendencies, but seems to have figured out how to cope with these. Her experience with the mental health profession wasn't terribly positive, and isn't likely to go back for help on her own.

Aside from having to deal with her symptoms, our marriage has also been impacted by my response. I suppose in the back of my mind there is always the thought that I can't expect or demand too much out of her without triggering some type of significant relapse. I'm definitely not very good about making my own needs known, and am always hesitant to let her know when my expectations aren't being met. That is the most difficult thing as the spouse - trying to figure out how much I just have to accept and live with her limited capacity to reciprocate my efforts to meet her needs.

Kuma

Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby Kuma » Tue Jun 09, 2015 2:21 pm

Right now DW and I are going through rough times... Mentally, emotionally, and financially. She's(We're) struggling at the moment and she isn't able to respond.. I just know that I wanted to make a point to respond.

To cbmike:
I'm personally happier not doing lists... But there lies the problem; I'm largely an optimist. I've become So accustomed to bad things happening that I generally only focus on the good. So when my wife dissociates and has a depressive bout or I have to physically restrain her from self harm, I've already put it behind us 10 minutes later because I don't want her to dwell on the thoughts that brought her to that bad state, let alone add to them. The note taking would be strictly for reference purposes, particularly for the psychiatrist. I'm still having a hard time implementing the idea.... Particularly due to a new (potential) diagnosis... That and I want to stay positive, to focus on the healing.

To alaska bob:
Believe me... I know the feeling... It's difficult to draw lines in the ever changing sand of mental health. Some days certain things won't bother my DW, later in the same day it can be triggering to her. Sometimes just having to hold my tongue or step back from the conversation just so it doesn't cause a melt down... It can be very difficult...
But at the same moment, I know she is trying, and that she wants to heal... So it's my obligation to test the waters. Because if I don't, who will? If I don't push for that next stage of healing, or to reclaim the ground that was lost, then the disease will leak in and try to claim her.
I know that my childhood experiences with psychiatrists and counselors were bad... I felt demoralized and treated like I wasn't worth it and ignored... But I've learned that it doesn't have to be that way... That with the right people, it can be an encouraging and healthy experience.

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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby Snow_Angel » Mon Jul 20, 2015 7:24 pm

It is sad and comforting all at once to read this thread. So many of us have been touched by this issue. Jokingly, I refer to mental health issues as my family's generational curse because of how much of it runs through our family tree.

I find that Christians can be some of the worst responders in this issue because it is so misunderstood. "Just pray. You must not be praying hard enough." "God will heal you!" (not that I don't believe He can, I just don't always believe He WILL). After a very traumatic event I went to see a Christian counsellor and at our second appointment he said to me, "Well, you didn't cry through the whole session so you must be doing a lot better." Uh, pardon?

For me, music is a huge influence. I have on repeat Natalie Grant's "In the End" because it seems so fitting.

Can't catch a break, you've had your fill of old cliches
Like "Life is hard but God is good."
Even though it's true, it won't stop what you're going through
I wish that I could say it would.
But He's outside of what you feel.
It might not make sense, but one day it will.

There's coming a day the sun will always shine
Gonna wipe away every tear from your eye
Hold on my brother, things are going to get better
"Cuz we win in the end.


If I battle this until the day I die, when I wake up with God, the sun will be shining and things will be better. I have to cling to that some days.

I have learned to just answer "fine" to most people when they ask how I am doing. They don't really want to know because they can't understand the reality of it. So if you need to come here and talk to strangers about what you are going through because some of us understand and the ones that don't still show compassion, then type on, friend. We'll get support where we can.
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, satan shudders and says, " Oh, s*#t! She's awake!"

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OldMarriedLady
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Re: Marriage and Mental Health

Postby OldMarriedLady » Mon Jul 20, 2015 7:38 pm

Snow_Angel wrote: Jokingly, I refer to mental health issues as my family's generational curse because of how much of it runs through our family tree.

I call it "the gift that keeps on giving". :roll:
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)


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