Vanna wrote:If she gets pregnant, you are looking at 40 weeks of no sex because she will not want anything to remotely jeopardize the pregnancy, then you are looking at about 8 more weeks postpartum where sex will be off the table.
Sounds much like when she was pregnant with the child she miscarried. Just about 10 less weeks total. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Vanna wrote:You are having trouble dealing with underwear shopping, and she's not even pregnant yet.
Really? I'm having "trouble dealing with underwear shopping?" LOL I've been "dealing" with this nonsense for as long as we've been together. This didn't just suddenly happen on Sunday and I had a bad day as a result. I came here because I hit a wall last week...and because I wanted to deal with it with her, and the idea of walking through this mine-field, AGAIN, is about as appealing as talking about her fertility ad nauseam. And my hope was I'd find people here that had walked in similar scenarios and would have insight. And so far, advice has been pretty split and hyper focused on the fertility issue...which while it IS an issue, isn't THE issue that got us where we are today.
Vanna wrote:How are you going to do 18 years of erratic sex so your child doesn't grow up in a broken home?
Probably the same way I've dealt with the last 22 with her. As best I can. Strikes and gutters. Ups/downs.
Vanna wrote:Pause and really consider the path your marriage is on. Now project it forward twenty years. If you can't deal with her selfish underwear shopping at this point, the triggers only tend to get worse as time goes on. How long before constant pain leads to anger and resentment? Or depression?
Again...why I came here.
Vanna wrote:You both need to face this before another life is impacted by this down the road.
Here's what I don't get about this statement, or the statements about taking trying for a baby off the table. Throughout this board, there are stories littered with successes and failures. But one thing rings very true throughout them: None of them happened overnight. Not one single "awakening" or change of heart just went "boom" and then everyone hit the sheets. This could take months. This could take years. I have zero idea. But what I do know is that my wife is almost 39, and has already miscarried once in the last 2 years. If I ask an almost 39 year old woman, (that I very much want to grow old with regardless of our issues,) that she has to wait while we work on our intimacy...it will break her heart and she will push me further away. It will only make things worse...and if she never gets pregnant, she'll blame me for stopping it while we worked on our marriage and taking those months/years away from her. And that makes no sense to me. If she were abusive or unstable, then yes, I'd put a stop to it. But she's a lot like countless other men and women on these boards that have faced terrible childhoods, sexual abuse, personal moral failings, and either on purpose or inadvertently, grew into wives and husbands that refuse or struggle to be intimate with their mates. And yes, she does stuff sometimes that drives me bat- crazy...but I think she's worth fighting for. And I think she's worth extending grace in all this while continuing to try and have a baby while we work this out. And honestly, if I put it in the context with her that if we don't get this fixed it's going to screw up our possible children, THAT will be a far greater motivator than me just pulling it off the table.
Look...I think this thread has outlived it's usefulness. I have a pretty firm idea how I'm going to proceed from here. Regardless of whether I agreed with everyone or not, I sincerely appreciate the thought and time that people took to respond. Thank you