A question about depression...

Any sexual problems or difficulties not listed in a specific section.
DW of 2P
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A question about depression...

Postby DW of 2P » Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:40 pm

Ugh, Just when we get things IRL settled and we figured out our MB relationship something else rears it's head. It's hard to know what's going on - could be residual stress, could be hormones, could be I've always had a low grade issue going on... but there is no doubt I have the symptoms of a mild depression. Nobody would guess, but 2Pack gets the brunt. I'm overly sensitive and then I get super down on myself, overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness.
I am curious, from either spouse's perspective, how does depression affect specifically the marriage- in other words, does a depression affect the sexual interest and response in an otherwise happy healthy married couple? What did you do to cope as a couple. I will be using St. Johns Wort plus some nutritional efforts and hoping not to have to get on an antidepressant.

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Re: A question about depression...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:49 pm

When did this start? The reason I ask is that my depression intensifies in the short days of winter, so this year I finally followed the advice of my therapist and got a light therapy box. I was skeptical at first, but I have been faithfully using it every day since October, and my depression is WAY less intense than last year at this time.

I'm also on Wellbutrin, but this light therapy is a nice little drug- free boost.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
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Re: A question...

Postby tjw » Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:57 pm

Speaking for me, my depression does not change anything sexually insofar as "drive". However, anti-depression medications that I take really play havoc with my ability to erect and orgasm.

In my wife, both depression and anti-depression medications lower her drive and also interfere with her orgasm.

What do we do to "cope"? We both take anti-depression medications. Better living through chemistry keeps us both sane enough to live together.

My DW is a type-A, angry, perfectionist who has OCD tendencies. I don't know whether this reaches the clinical protocol for diagnosis, I'm just labeling the behavior.

I am a type-B, laid-back, introverted geek who can only withstand the barrage of nagging and criticism by taking drugs.

Cute, eh? She takes drugs to stand me, and I take drugs to stand her. :roll:

Wellbutrin worked so well for me. I didn't have sexual side effects, and it controlled my emotional pain pretty well. At one point, I had a memory lapse and it was thought I might have seizures, so I got switched to Zoloft. Sex is mostly bye-bye for me on Zoloft.

I intend to ask my doc to switch me back to Wellbutrin but lately things have been so awry with our daughter going home that I've not gone.

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Re: A question...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Jan 04, 2017 5:46 pm

tjw wrote:Sex is mostly bye-bye for me on Zoloft.

Here too, which is why I had to switch from Zoloft to Wellbutrin.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
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Re: A question about depression...

Postby seeking perspective » Wed Jan 04, 2017 5:47 pm

Depression affects my emotional state, which then affects my ability to experience the emotional connection that helps me desire sex. And it affects me in a lot of ways I wrote about here: http://forgivenwife.com/sexual-intimacy-and-depression/.

Some people find it helpful to use an anti-depressant on a short-term basis to help them get moving on other efforts that will then later allow them to stop using the medication.

I also find light therapy to be helpful. I intended to get a light box th is season but found that it worked to be sure I spend a certain amount of time outside every day within the first two hours of waking up. (The timing makes a difference.) Any major transition in life--even a good one--can cause strain mental resources and trigger depression.
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Re: A question about depression...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Jan 04, 2017 5:54 pm

seeking perspective wrote: it worked to be sure I spend a certain amount of time outside every day within the first two hours of waking up.

With my working outside the home and having to get up at 4:00 AM for that, the light box works well. I also use it on my days off, even if I wake up at 9 AM and it's sunny outside.

This is the light box I purchased - very reasonably priced compared to others.

DW of 2P wrote:how does depression affect specifically the marriage- in other words, does a depression affect the sexual interest and response in an otherwise happy healthy married couple?

To this day I regret how I treated my DH before my depression was diagnosed. I was just downright mean and disrespectful to him, and refused him for about 3 years. :( Thankfully he claims to have no memory of those years and has steadfastly loved me for all the years of our marriage.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
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Re: A question about depression...

Postby Unfulfilled » Wed Jan 04, 2017 6:15 pm

Part of but, It completely the issue with the winter blues is the lack of vitamin D that is made from UV sunlight on your skin. So taking vitamin D3 as in like 4,000 or more IUs a day can help. It is also good to take the vitamin D3 with fat. As vitamin D is fat soluble and will absorb better if take with fat than if taken on empty stomach or without anything with fat content.

Light therapy has to do with light receptors I. Your eyes and how that affects the release of hormones of meletonan I believe. And sets carcadium rythum.

Suicide rates are like three times higher on Alaska compared to the rest of the USA in large part. Because of the six months of darkness and lack of vitamin D and the lack of light causing depression.

One key date for me is always December 21st which is the shortest day of the year. Here in upper Midwest, we are now gaining at least one minute to 2 minutes more of sunlight in the afternoon a day!

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Re: A question about depression...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Wed Jan 04, 2017 6:21 pm

I'm in the upper Midwest too, and have been taking 5000 IU of vitamin D daily for the last 7 years or so.

I also started on hormone therapy about 6 years ago, taking estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone daily. This has helped my depression quite a bit - the testosterone gives me a lot of energy and initiative, and has also worked wonders for my sex drive and sexual responsiveness.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)

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Re: A question about depression...

Postby seeking perspective » Wed Jan 04, 2017 6:38 pm

I'm glad you mentioned hormones, OML. Depression can be a symptom of changing hormone levels, in which case stabilizing the hormones can address the depression.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
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Re: A question about depression...

Postby DW of 2P » Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:44 am

Thank you all. I've found your responses and links really encouraging. I think i have a bit of perfect storm brewing. Lots of stress I'm now out of but maybe feeling the whiplash, and the changing hormones and the season and time with hubs to deal with our much better but still different selves...etc. it's pretty exhausting. Thank you for the support and prayers, I trust this will be a blip ;), feeling hopeful.

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Re: RE: Re: A question about depression...

Postby Tweed » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:12 am

OldMarriedLady wrote:
I also started on hormone therapy about 6 years ago, taking estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone daily. This has helped my depression quite a bit - the testosterone gives me a lot of energy and initiative, and has also worked wonders for my sex drive and sexual responsiveness.


OML, Are you on bioidentical hormones, by chance?

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Re: A question about depression...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:30 am

Yes, bioidentical hormones applied topically.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
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Re: A question about depression...

Postby ledgemoor » Fri Jan 06, 2017 10:19 am

I want to confirm what the other posters say about sunlight and vitamin D. My wife has been dealing with depression, largely because we hadn't seen the sun in a week.

It has been an ongoing issue. She is dark-brown complected, but even though we live in the deep South and get outdoors quite a bit, she doesn't feel right unless she takes 8000 IU vitamin D per day. She tried 4000, and that didn't cut it.

Using daylight-colored light bulbs help too. She was recovering from surgery, in bed all day, and very depressed. Some dear TMB brother or sister recommended this. It helped a lot. So all we buy now are 5000-Kelvin LED light bulbs. We have them in our living room and bedroom and her office, and replacing the rest as the old ones burn out.

I am curious, from either spouse's perspective, how does depression affect specifically the marriage- in other words, does a depression affect the sexual interest and response in an otherwise happy healthy married couple?
It negatively affects her interest and ability to orgasm.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: RE: Re: A question about depression...

Postby Tweed » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:04 pm

OldMarriedLady wrote:Yes, bioidentical hormones applied topically.

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I would so love to pick your brain about bioidentical hormones. I'm sure it would help my depression, but I have other issues and wonder if I should ask here (if you're up to it) or start a new thread.

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Re: A question about depression...

Postby C_Brown » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:38 am

DW of 2P wrote:Ugh, Just when we get things IRL settled and we figured out our MB relationship something else rears it's head. It's hard to know what's going on - could be residual stress, could be hormones, could be I've always had a low grade issue going on... but there is no doubt I have the symptoms of a mild depression. Nobody would guess, but 2Pack gets the brunt. I'm overly sensitive and then I get super down on myself, overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness.
I am curious, from either spouse's perspective, how does depression affect specifically the marriage- in other words, does a depression affect the sexual interest and response in an otherwise happy healthy married couple? What did you do to cope as a couple. I will be using St. Johns Wort plus some nutritional efforts and hoping not to have to get on an antidepressant.


My wife is a lot like that, especially in winter. She takes Empower+ and that does a great job for her, but you can't use St. Johns Wort if you are using that.

As for sex, before she was taking anything for it she doesn't have much libido and is more prone to feel pain than pleasure. Although she is generous at times I really need her to be into it and it can become hard to perform when she isn't responding positively to my affection.
So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing -- Yvaine (in the movie Stardust)

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Re: RE: Re: A question about depression...

Postby OldMarriedLady » Sat Jan 07, 2017 10:20 am

Tweed wrote:I don't want to hijack this thread, but I would so love to pick your brain about bioidentical hormones.

Let's do it on the Women: share your experiences with Bioidentical Hormones thread.
"When you love them, they drive you crazy - because they know they can."
(From the 1987 movie "Moonstruck", written by John Patrick Shanley)


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