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Could you please pray for me? Really having a hard time

Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:33 pm
by reillyj
H and i just had (almost) an argument about sex. It was VERY painful to me, i am not a crier but i certainly do feel like it now.

It was about the vibrator i introduced (Hitachi Wand which is kind of intimidating but i need that kind of stimulation). Because of our age, we are going through a lot of difficulties... H has ED and very LOW testosterone (we are awaiting treatment) and i am going through peri and my sex drive has really increased and also my desire for variety, etc. I am on HRT but ironically, my ability to O which has always been easy in the past, has become much more elusive. H is a great lover but still... it is what it is, i am having more trouble and am getting anxious in bed about it. He on the other hand loves to pleasure me, takes more interest in my pleasure, etc. We just don't do it nearly often enough because of his tremendous health problems and low T.

The last couple times he wasn't able to sustain an erection (although greatly aroused by me) and i gave him OS, which i had started doing more lately and i let him finish in my mouth, i was HAPPY to do so and told him so, he said i didn't have to do that, being sensitive to my needs and i said i'm happy to and i was. So all that is GOOD. And i have been so wanting to have sex more and be more involved in every way but how devastating to struggle with orgasms. It's fine with me that i don't finish every time but it would be nice!

Anyway to my point, the Hitachi has been sitting there, we haven't had sex and he just admitted he's intimidated by it (probably the size also) but i told him the battery ones are pointless as i need more stimulation. And it's not for insertion (i don't think he'd go for that) and he said that it's making him feel basically less of a man. i was flabbergasted and it HURT. i told him he has viagra for his difficulties and why shouldn't i have something to help me? he said it wasn't the same. So now i just basically feel like..i'll take care of myself, then (i won't deny him sex) It may be an immature way of thinking but that was my default because now how are we EVER going to overcome this? I am kind of shy about using it because we've never needed a toy and it feels weird to me but we hadn't got that far yet. I also MB and i know he doesn't approve of that but...we went a decade or more w/having sex maybe 4x a week because of his health issues and ED and i know he had low T way back then. (he's 69)

Also it's so sad because i had bought a small battery operated one and when we had sex, he begged me to let him use it on me and i said no because (how ironic) i was sick and didn't feel good and i knew it wouldn't get me there. I should have just gone ahead and let him but hindsight is 20/20 and it wasn't powerful enough anyway.

Honestly, right now i just feel like giving up--just because just about everything in our life is difficult, it's one step forward, two steps back with EVERYTHING and now the sex life.... it's almost like punishment that i feel more sexually liberated than ever (and now can't O, LOL) and he's saying this to me..... i've talked to the Lord a lot about it and now i just feel like maybe i should stop visiting this forum and just not ask him to use it and just be satisfied with the way it has been, seeing and hearing so many people enjoying themselves in ways i want to just crushes me right now. Boy do i feel for those who've been rejected, it's AWFUL. It's not like i'm being rejected,'s that he's acting really weird about me needing something to help me. So now...there's this wall between us.

Feeling really bad right now and really tired of prayers hitting the wall all of the time.

Re: Could you please pray for me? Really having a hard time

Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 4:46 pm
by SeekingChange
Lifting you in prayer. Don't let this drop, bring it up and talk it through. We believers should never operate out of fear, and that's where your husband is at the moment.

Re: Could you please pray for me? Really having a hard time

Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 6:34 pm
by reillyj
Thank you for responding!

i will try but that certainly has not been our MO. It has greatly improved lately though but when it comes to sex, ego and it being so intimate makes it very hard... kind of like maybe how Adam and Eve felt...grab the fig leaves :(

Re: Could you please pray for me? Really having a hard time

Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 7:08 pm
by love2
Sorry to hear this - hope he comes around. I am 30 but we have used a vibrator the entire marriage (married since 2006) and I don't think it is possible for me to orgasm without it. It's never been an issue.

I think it's just a misunderstanding on husbands part because orgasm emotionally connects him to you. The vibrator makes him think you are connecting to it instead of him which isn't the case. Sexually he still gives you sensations that no toy ever will and there is the feeling of closeness to him that you get from sex -- the toy is just there I help. And honestly he should be relieved because it takes a lot of pressure off him trying to get you to orgasm when his attempts are futile because your body isn't cooperating.

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