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Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:02 pm
by reillyj
I've always kind of hurried sex along because of the difference of length of time it takes me to O (nowadays, anyway, argggh). He has assured me that he doesn't mind the time but i have the mind of a woman :roll: and just cannot HELP but start to tense up and want to rush things, i feel so odd laying there while my H is pleasuring me. Being a woman, i have to sometimes stop everything to concentrate really hard--maybe that's what a lot of men interpret as lack of enthusiasm or disinterest but not so... i've tried to take deep breaths and just relax but it doesn't seem like i can overcome this hurdle.

Also another one to overcome..i bought a small vibrator (finger held) as because of hormones and age, i am needing more clitoral stimulation and he has asked several times to use it on me (kind of shocking because he took it personally when i first bought it, i told him he needs viagra, well..i need something, also) and i am finding it hard to say yes to that. Good grief, what the mind does to sex...

Anyway, do you husbands find yourself getting a bit irritated inside on how long it takes your wife to O? I have to find some way to mentally overcome this and relax my body. I've overcome A LOT in that i was badly abused as a child (sexually) and i was able to O with my husband 99% of the time and easily, when i was younger. i told myself i'm not being robbed of the pleasure of sex with my husband but it hasn't translated into the length of time it takes now and the way i have to just lay there (when he's specifically pleasuring me, i certainly pleasure him in all ways) and concentrate.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 8:53 pm
by marriedandlovingit
Short answer, No. I don't mind when my wife takes a long time (which is often).

If it does take very long time, I find I can begin to feel fatigue on my hand or mouth. I just buck up and finish the job. I do NOT want her to get tense or worried about me. What I WANT is to help her enjoy herself. I have told her several times that if she is having a hard time, it's okay. She should feel free to relax and enjoy herself. When she finally gets there, I feel pleased with myself. 8) Hey, even I take a long time sometimes. I figure what comes around goes around. :D

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:09 pm
by ledgemoor
I don't mind at all. I enjoy the whole process--playing with her girl parts and looking at them, and experience the changes her body goes thru as she gets more and more aroused. Up to a point, the longer she takes the better her orgasm(s) is/are.

She gets frustrated sometimes, but is learning to relax and enjoy the journey. If an orgasm doesn't happen for her, I don't want her to feel that it was a waste of effort for either of us. Orgasms last a minute or so. As wonderful as they are, they shouldn't prevent us from enjoying the rest of what might be an hour or more. Plus I need sex more often than she does, so that evens things out.

We'll take a pee break or two, and that gives my finger and mouth a chance to rest :-).

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:25 pm
by reillyj
Thank you both for weighing in, that's good to know.

I agree with enjoying the journey and the process, my desire and libido were off the charts this Summer/Fall as i've written before, well now (despite pleading with God) it's back to normal but i've taken lessons from it (and from my H's ED) and that is exactly that, to just enjoy sex and everything that it is and to have YES as a default. So many lessons learned but boy do i wish i could take a pill and have all that back. HRT just about killed me in every way but the libido part. I'm on BHRT now and so much better for my mind but not so much for the libido. (Estrogen tested pretty darn high but certainly didn't hurt the sex drive. Testosterone is very good. Progesterone is ok) I'm on just progesterone cream now. I'll TRY VERY HARD to relax, maybe i'll just have to give in to the vibrator :D

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:46 pm
by doug-h
I really dont mind if my wife takes awhile. It does tend to be frustrating if I am not getting any guidance if things are taking awhile.

I would have to say that if time is an issue for you, then by all means, start experimenting with the vibe. Maybe solo at first to figure out what works best.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:48 am
by Drob
Absolutely not, it prolongs the loving and increases the anticipation.

Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:54 am
by Job29Man
As Sarah matures, her body is not as responsive as it used to be. Things take longer. I don't mind. That's all part of the "in sickness and in health, for better or worse, till death us do part" thing.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 8:43 am
by alaska bob
if it takes 5 minutes or 50 minutes, it is the best 5 or 50 minutes of my day, week, month, etc. The time it takes is only a concern if you were doing while PIV, and that is really just a practical issue. I'd never make it 50 minutes.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:25 am
by SquarePants
What kind of guy would complain about that? Sign me up! Both of us tend to take longer these days. We don’t worry about trying to hurry with a massage, and it’s the same way with this. She has a Hitachi magic wand and and some other toys which we use in creative and fun ways.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 1:03 pm
by marriedandlovingit
alaska bob wrote:if it takes 5 minutes or 50 minutes, it is the best 5 or 50 minutes of my day, week, month, etc. The time it takes is only a concern if you were doing while PIV, and that is really just a practical issue. I'd never make it 50 minutes.


Amen, Brother. :roll:

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 5:36 pm
by JEM0121
This is something I think about more and more lately. It almost feels like OVERNIGHT it became harder for me. :( My desire is WAY UP but the trade off is that it's harder to O nowadays. :(

I feel myself almost watching the clock in a sense, not because I want it to be over, but because I start to feel self conscious because of the time it's taking, When we have used help to get me there, it's usually pretty quick. But many many times I'd rather take the time and not need assistance. But I notice how long its been and worry I won't O and end up taking the "easy way out". I am with you on the mental hurdles. It is one that is very very hard for me to get over. It used to be sooo easy for me, I often worry that DH is getting bored, tired, or thinks that he's the reason it takes me so long. :(

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 1:32 pm
by ledgemoor
Is it harder, or just taking longer? How are the orgasms when you finally have them? If you still have great orgasms, but require twice as much pleasuring to get there, you could look at that as a plus :D.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 3:05 pm
by reillyj
Mine was like that.... because of HRT.

Libido shot through the roof, LM'ing felt exquisite from the very second but the O wasn't the huge contraction like it used to be...just...wasn't. Nothing you can do about it.

Now that my libido is normal, sex went back to usual (probably normal for women) takes a while to feel really pleasurable and builds into usually a nice O. I think i'd rather prefer the former but like i said, ain't no magic fix for that.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 3:34 pm
by reillyj
I know, JEM0121, and men wonder why we sometimes hem and haw at sex even though we love them and enjoy it

Our body and minds (NOT just our minds) go through so many hoops to jump through, just not fair!! At least they love us enough to want to take the time. I want to find a YT video or something (not Eastern religion, etc.) where there is "meditation" that helps my body and mind just relax. Sometimes the connection with the head and genitals just don't make it.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 4:10 pm
by JEM0121
I know sometimes working out in the afternoon and then a soak in the tub after dinner will relax my body enough that it's a LITTLE easier. But there definitely is a mental barrier to get past. And I almost think that's harder than the physical barrier. I've noticed lately I've been harder on myself in many areas and the MB is a BIG ONE.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 5:27 pm
by OldBear
We are heading toward 50 years of a deeply, committed and joyful married life. Our marriage bed has been and is a blessing! As Job mentioned, with age our libido, body response time, and ecstasy can be elusive. Sometimes we respond like we are in our twenties. Other times, neither of us are able to reach a mountain top experience. At times, Mrs. Oldbear goes over the top and I’m still limping :D along. Then, too, she can find the ‘foreplay to orgasm journey’ fraught with sleepy hormones.

Do I mind if it takes Mrs. Oldbear a long time to reach her O? It’s actualy a gift! She is so generous and our intimacy and foreplay is incredibly satisfying. The same is true for me with her. She does not fret or become impatient when I’m not making it.

Yes, we are in our senior years, but my encouragement to younger married couples is to embrace the intimacy of the marriage bed. Put no pressure on your mate to perform and maximize the joy and enjoyment of your marriage bed by genuinely valuing the union of your sexual intimacy - with an O or without an O.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 5:46 pm
by reillyj
OldBear, that's really nice, that's a part of true married love. My H and i are the same way. I am more than willing to satisfy him orally if he's having ED problems and i have told him let's just make this fun and go with the flow. It's all in the attitude.

I have realized my issue is i have a TERRIBLE time receiving. Just laying back and concentrating and receiving is extremely difficult for me. I do it, but since i'm older, it takes more time. OF COURSE my H loves ML to me and has no problem with it but i'm going to have to find a way to overcome this somehow! A lot of times women have to concentrate for all we're worth and i fear it comes across as not being involved. But i guess this is where communication comes in, if i tell my husband this, he doesn't mind. Well...soldier on, i guess.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 6:57 pm
by SeekingChange
reillyj wrote: A lot of times women have to concentrate for all we're worth and i fear it comes across as not being involved. But i guess this is where communication comes in, if i tell my husband this, he doesn't mind. Well...soldier on, i guess.

I have had the same concern. I went through a time where I felt I needed to be "active" through the whole process to show my husband my want and desire for him. But, after multiple times of not Oing, because of no time for me to focus, my husband started feeling like a failure and he took a hit as a man and a husband. I communicated what was going on, so my husband has learned this about me, and then he witnesses how it is true. He is now very patient and understanding when 1) I seem to be "uninvolved" as your stated concern (and, often, a husband can tell a difference in a wife a who is focusing and enjoying pleasure in a passive manner to build up to an orgasm, versus a wife who is truly not engaged), and 2) when I seem to be taking longer, because he gets more pleasure out of bringing me the "ultimate pleasure" (aka an orgasm) than he does at being the sole receiver of the ultimate pleasure.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2018 12:01 pm
by velocity
I do not mind at all, and I will silently power through any discomfort in my hand... except if

  • it's clear my wife is intentionally distracting herself or thinking about other things
  • my wife made it clear that it's entirely my job to get her in the mood and keep her in the mood

If my wife is present and active in our lovemaking session, then I will do whatever it takes as long as it takes, with a smile on my face and in my heart, to allow her to orgasm.

That said, if it's just not going to happen one night, and if the need for an orgasm for her is just at the "well it would be nice if it happens" level, then honestly I would appreciate it if she would just smile at me and let it be just about me that night.

Re: Do husbands really mind when wife takes a long time?

Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2018 3:46 pm
by SLS
reillyj wrote:Anyway, do you husbands find yourself getting a bit irritated inside on how long it takes your wife to O?


Not at all. The time my wife takes to O varies from 5 minutes to 35 minutes of constant, continued clitoral stimulation. Usually I warm her up for intercourse first and then return to clitoral stimulation afterwards so the time my hands are working generally exceeds the bounds I just gave. My hands can certainly get tired after a while but I have never felt irritated with her for taking some time. The reward of seeing her climax and feeling her hold me tighter than an anaconda in the throws of delight is more than worth the effort. :D