Pain

How does past rape, molesting, or other sexual abuse effect future marriage?
Dbrown
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Date of your marriage (past or future): September 4th, 2015
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Pain

Postby Dbrown » Tue Mar 10, 2015 3:22 pm

Hey Guys, I'm getting married in Sept 2015. This question is more so for the ladies who've experienced abuse in the past. Approximately 2.5 to 3 yrs ago, my fiance lost her virginity to someone who took it from her - not necessarily by choice. I want to know if she'll experience the same amount of pain during intercourse when we get married as she did 2.5 to 3yrs ago?

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LovesHisKitten
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Re: Pain

Postby LovesHisKitten » Tue Mar 10, 2015 7:00 pm

DBrown,

Physical pain is likely not your first or only concern with this situation. There are others here that can speak more directly than I can, but SA survivors carry scars that are likely to impact your sexual relationship. Hopefully she has been in some form of counseling since the abuse. You should talk to her, and her counselor if possible, to learn of any possible triggers that may be an issue.

I'll be praying for you and your future wife.

LHK
"Some say, that he is one of the protons in the Large Hadron Collider, AND that he creates miniature black holes every time he sneezes."

Dbrown
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Re: Pain

Postby Dbrown » Wed Mar 11, 2015 6:45 am

Thanks for the insight! We've spoken in great detail about this situation and she has dealt with the issues and has over come it, thank God. Her main concern at this point, is the pain of intercourse itself. I'm no doctor or anything but I don't think she'll feel the same pain she felt back then. I would definitely be taking it super slow and allowing her to guide me. Just want to know if any other ladies have experienced this before?

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SeekingChange
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Re: Pain

Postby SeekingChange » Wed Mar 11, 2015 7:01 am

I have not experienced it before, but I would think it won't be as painful. First, if the experience was the first time for her, she probably experienced the breaking of the hymen, that should be done now and she shouldn't experience that again. Secondly, there's a big difference of not being aroused and being aroused. When the woman is not aroused her vagina is not ready for penetration, it is dry for one, but once aroused it is lubricated and has even expanded to receive. Those are two totally different feelings and experiences.
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TheTigress
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Re: Pain

Postby TheTigress » Thu Mar 12, 2015 3:37 am

I was not abused to that extent but I definitelt have triggers that cause sex to stop or pause sometimes. I have to remind myself internally sometimes "this is my husband, this is okay" and if self talk isnt enough I tell my DH and he talks to me and that really helps ground me most of the time.

As far as pain it is very different to be penetrated dry and unaroused than lubricated and aroused. The few times I wasn't ready and dh tried it was quite uncomfortable ( of course he is aware of me and never wants to hurt me and doesn't actual penetrate but stops and either grabs lube or we do more foreplay)

So take as much time as necessary for her to be aroused and ready for you to enter!
Together or not at all- Amy Pond


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