Let's take the heat down a bit

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The-OG
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Let's take the heat down a bit

Postby The-OG » Tue May 03, 2005 9:57 pm

The OG has been discussing the increasing "heat" of some of the posts on the TMB boards. There has been a very gradual change over the last year plus, and we feel that we need to lower the bar some to avoid titillating or unnecessarily offending. We want to make sure that the TMB forums are:
  • encouraging Godly sexuality in a challenging and uplifting way;
  • accessible to a wide range of people with differing comfort levels;
  • honouring and celebrating the sacredness, beauty, and power of the Christian marriage bed.
In short, we want to enjoy our sexual freedom in Christ to the fullest, and that requires learning to interact about sexuality in a responsible way. We understand that truly open and honest sexual discussion is still pretty new to Christian communities in general, and we don't expect everyone to always do it perfectly. We do expect that TMB forums will be a learning experience for all of us as we grow together in Christ by learning how to more responsibly steward our sexuality. With these interests at heart we've drawn up these guidelines to help clarify our expectations of those participating in TMB forums.

The following questions should be helpful in deciding what to post:

1) Does this post invite people to imagine my spouse and/or myself naked and/or being sexual.

2) Is this post likely to cause someone to stumble (especially those getting out of porn).

3) Could it be offensive to reasonable, more-or-less sexually well-adjusted people?

4) Is this post likely to cause jealousy for those who have sexual struggles in their marriage?


If the answer to those four questions are all no, then the post is probably safe. However, a yes does not make the post unacceptable. If you answer yes to one or more of the questions above, then ask yourself this:

5a) Is what I'm posting offering information that is helpful to others?

5b) If you are asking a question - Will answers to this question help my marriage any?



If the answer to #5 is no, and the answer to one or more of the four questions is yes, the post is probably not a good idea.

If the answer to #5 is yes, then ask yourself if you can share the useful information in a way that is less likely to result in a yes to any of the first four questions.

A few other guidelines -

Don't use the most explicit posts as a guide - this is how the line drifts. Assume that the most explicit posts are just over the line, and post accordingly.

When possible, try to speak in general terms, rather than painting a picture of what you and your spouse do.

Avoid unnecessary detail - we don't need to know she had on a red thong that showed all of her butt - just say "sexy panties", nor do we need to know "he ejaculated a lot of semen, and it shot real high" - simply say he had a great orgasm.

Slang terms tend to be more sexual. "Her crotch was very wet" is more explicit than "she was well lubricated."

Overly descriptive words and phrases ("throbbing," "arched," "gasped," "moaned," etc.) are potentially too explicit, and usually unnecessary.

A few places where a fair amount of detail may be needed:
  • In seeking help for something - use whatever detail is necessary to clarify the problem.
  • In answering such questions - try to make the answer general, not "here's how my spouse and I do it".
  • In describing positions.
This message has been posted by a member of the OG on behalf of the whole group.

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Lori B
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Postby Lori B » Wed May 04, 2005 7:56 pm

kaycee wrote:The-OG-- As I have PM you in our discussions about this issue.... Thank you for the work you do and I know it can be difficult. If the lines are crossed by some one not meaning too can you not edit the content to make the post still work? A lot of time there is good infromation but just too much detail.

What we normally do is return posts to the posters with an explanation. They can edit and repost if they wish.

Moderators are needed for a number of reasons, but we don't want to add ongoing editing to the job description. By returning the posts we hope to help people to understand the rules and learn to post within them.

And, please folks, don't get too worried if you are asked to edit a post. It happens and we are all learning. Just think it through, edit a bit, and re-post.

Lori <><

MamaTo4247

Postby MamaTo4247 » Fri Jul 28, 2006 5:37 am

The line has been creeping toward the "too hot" side of things again, and it was suggested that we remind folks about our posting guidelines.

This is not an exact science here, so no doubt we each might see stuff from time to time that strikes us as a little too much. If you feel that something is offensive, please use the report post button. This helps the moderators and OG get a feel for what folks find to be over the top.

Thank you for making this a safe place to post and to read!

~Alise, TMB Moderator

The-OG
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Postby The-OG » Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:29 am

A two-fold reminder is in order here:

First, this is a CHRISTIAN board, and our members are expected to abide by Biblical standards in their postings. Our desire should not be to expose our marriage bed, but rather to respect the sanctity of that relationship.

Second, we will be moderating much more heavily, beginning immediately, and there may be whole threads that disappear without warning and without automatic notification of a reason. The above questions will be our guide for pulling posts/threads, so when posting a question or response, please keep those questions in mind (particularly 5a & 5b).

Thank you for your cooperation in this.

The OG
This message has been posted by a member of the OG on behalf of the whole group.

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Postby Voveo Uxor » Mon Sep 10, 2007 3:06 pm

The mods and the OG have agreed that this thread needs bumping again, as a reminder.

Some of us who have been on the boards for two or three years have noticed a general progression of graphic postings over the last year especially. What used to be reported by the members as being "too graphic" has seemed to become almost the norm now. What's more, posts aren't getting reported nearly as often as they used to be. This makes it harder for us to moderate, because it's very difficult for us to keep track of every post in every thread. The "report this post" button is a great tool for helping us moderate, helping us keep track of where the trouble spots might be while we're trying to fit TMB moderation into the rest of our busy lives.

We find this progression troubling, especially in light of a couple of incidents that have surfaced recently, one of which happened to me personally.

As you can all see, I have my Yahoo Instant Messenger name listed below. I got a chat request from a man last week who told me he was a TMB member. I looked up his username as we chatted, and noticed that he only had 8 posts (newbies must have 7 in order to exchange PMs), and each one was only one line. No information was offered about him, personal or otherwise. Meanwhile, he was asking personal questions about me, and pressing me for answers even after being told that I don't like to disclose information on the internet. He argued about it quite a lot, and then finally changed the subject to talking about graphic postings on here, and the people who make them. It became evident to me that he was talking about using TMB as porn.

He did not cross the line of what I consider acceptable dialogue, but he skirted all along the edge of it. I was uneasy about the conversation and ended it. When I asked the other mods and the OG about that user, it turns out that he is not a member of the TMB community; he had been deactivated ages ago!

Another member has recently experienced an unpleasant incident with another TMB member via Instant Messengeer.

So I guess this is a three-fold warning, friends. First, please be aware that there ARE strangers out there who are scouring TMB looking for masturbatory material. Please do your best to make sure your posts don't get chosen for such. We are not responsible for other people's thought lives, but we are responsible for what we put out there. Try to find non-titillating ways of expressing yourself.

Second, please be careful when establishing contact with TMB members outside of TMB. The OG can monitor the PM system; once you switch to private emails or Instant Messenger, the link to TMB is gone. Please be careful how much (or what kind of) personal information you share. Remember that a great many of the boards ARE available to the general public, and that only a fraction of the TMB members are active posters.

Third, please feel free to report any uncomfortable or suspicious TMB contacts to the OG or the mods. Even if, as in my case, you have nothing but a "feeling" to go on, please don't be afraid to let us know about what has been going on. It's better for us to look into it and find nothing, than for you to have to go through an unpleasant experience like some of our members have. It can happen to a mod, it can happen to anyone.

Fourth is more of a recommendation than a warning. If you do use Instant Messengers, try and set it to keep a transcript of all of your chats. I use Trillian, which does so, and it was a big help this past week (when I had Eek read the transcript and he encouraged me to let the other mods and OG know what had happened -- it turned out to be a good thing I did). Having an electronic "paper trail" can be a valuable thing if someone really acts out with you.
Voveo Uxor
"[God is] a hedonist at heart. All those fasts and vigils and stakes and crosses are only a facade...He has filled His world full of pleasures."--C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

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Postby moderator » Wed Sep 12, 2007 9:43 pm

Voveo Uxor wrote:The OG can monitor the PM system

To clarify that - if you keep a PM in your box and give us your password, we can access the PM and use it as proof should we need to contact an ISP, IM company, or law enforcement. Because of ownership of the boards and the server the boards run on, we can take these actions on behalf of posters without identifiying the posters.

Outside of the TMB system we have no control or power at all.

not2old4this

Postby not2old4this » Mon Dec 22, 2008 7:12 pm

I have been following for a while now. Most posts are pretty helpful. Others, well, I'm thinking are juuuuust bordering pornographic if you ask me. I think maybe just a little too graphic. The anal sex thing....let me say, to each their own I guess, but, my friend is a medical transcriptionist. And you would not believe all the disease that can be spread this way. Is the thrill or sensation of this worth risking your health to the degree you can ruin your sex organs forever? The anas was really not built for this. Also, I see it as bordering very close to homosexuality. Just some observations. I would not push "grace" to this degree. Very good that all of these posts are anonymus.

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Dale
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Postby Dale » Mon Dec 22, 2008 8:14 pm

not2old4this wrote:I have been following for a while now. Most posts are pretty helpful. Others, well, I'm thinking are juuuuust bordering pornographic if you ask me. I think maybe just a little too graphic. The anal sex thing....let me say, to each their own I guess, but, my friend is a medical transcriptionist. And you would not believe all the disease that can be spread this way. Is the thrill or sensation of this worth risking your health to the degree you can ruin your sex organs forever? The anas was really not built for this. Also, I see it as bordering very close to homosexuality. Just some observations. I would not push "grace" to this degree. Very good that all of these posts are anonymus.


If you feel any post is out of line, please use the "report post" button. Your complaint will go to the entire OG and moderators, and we will take action if necessary.

As to anal sex, there is a sticky thread here where the topic is addressed. Please post comments there.

Thank you.

Dale
Oversight Group

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Re: Let's take the heat down a bit

Postby blondie » Wed Sep 18, 2013 12:41 pm

DW and I go into schools to be interviewed on our marriage by classes. Sometimes the questions are a bit pointed as to what we do in the bedroom. One girl asked if we dressed up in the bedroom.

We have learned that it is alright to talk about sex but our personal expression of it is private.
It is marriage itself, not the marriage bed, that will be likely to hinder us from waiting uninterruptedly on God. C S Lewis


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