Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

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Einstein

Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby Einstein » Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:13 pm

Almost every time I consider posting on TMB, I have to first consider whether there is a chance I ever want to discuss the same topic with a friend or request prayer in the mens prayer groups. Because once posted on TMB, if you ever discussed the same thing IRL your real life you could potentially be associated with your TMB username, which means your trusted friend may be able to read everything else you have posted on TMB too, not just the topic you chose to share with him (or her, in the case of others).

How do others deal with this issue?
Do people here keep multiple accounts, so that you have one for non-IRL-discussed issues and one for issues discussed IRL as well? (May get very complex very soon, as you may share different info with different friends, decide not to discuss something IRL and thus not want it associated with the "IRL account" etc)
Don't you ever discuss sex IRL?
Are people generally less paranoid than me?

I have seen other Internet message boards that allow registered users to post anonymously or under an alias, to avoid a particular thread or post being associated with your username.
Would that be something to consider for TMB???
I do realize the benefits of other members being able to know or read up on the history of a poster before giving advice, so such a feature should be used with moderation (not as in being monitored by moderators...), but it would allow users to "disassociate" individual threads where they discuss issues that they have also discussed - or do want to be able to discuss - with real life friends, from their TMB user name.

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Leah
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Re: Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby Leah » Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:42 pm

You might find this link helpful: Anonymity, Abuse, and Drifting.

Please do not feel obligated to share more than you feel comfortable sharing.
Leah

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”--C.S. Lewis


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Re: Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby cbmike » Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:03 am

Personally I post as if it wasn't anonymous; nothing I've posted on here actually has the potential to cause me harm in real life. I do have close real life friends whom I have discussed the same sexual issues with, but they are close enough friends that I wouldn't care if they did read my other posts as well.

If a piece of information becoming public would really be harmful to me, I don't commit it to writing of any sort. But most of the information on here would actually just cause mild embarrassment.
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Dale
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Re: Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby Dale » Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:14 am

Einstein wrote:Do people here keep multiple accounts, so that you have one for non-IRL-discussed issues and one for issues discussed IRL as well? (May get very complex very soon, as you may share different info with different friends, decide not to discuss something IRL and thus not want it associated with the "IRL account" etc)


Just a reminder to all: We do NOT allow multiple accounts on TMB, with the exception of special circumstances which must be cleared with the Oversight Group. There are many reasons for this, not the least of which is a prevention of confusion when posting (in other words, you would never know who you are really talking to if people had multiple accounts). If you have created a second account, please contact a moderator to have it deactivated. If someone is found with multiple accounts without clearance, then all of their accounts are subject to deactivation.

Thank you!

Dale
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SeekingChange
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Re: Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby SeekingChange » Thu Jul 24, 2014 6:33 am

I have thought about this issue. I personally don't point people to the boards. If they find it on their own, then there's a greater chance they won't associate me with it. If I ever decide there are certain people who need this but there are things I don't want them knowing. I would have certain posts deleted. I have also asked a certain question or discussed a topic, and as soon as I got my answer had it deleted, that way it's not out there "forever". I also look at the statistical odds. This is world wide and there's only 8,000+ people on here, what's the chance my neighbor or friend is one of them? Very unlikely...unless I have pointed them to the boards.
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Re: Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby beautyfromashes » Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:12 am

I actually did accidentally "out" myself last year. I posted the exact prayer request here and on a less anonymous board elsewhere. It was a person I considered a friend on both boards, so it wasn't a big deal. I've also friended a few people here on FB.

As far as my friends IRL, I lead a Bible study group that has talked very bluntly about a lot of things here (the relationship things, not so much the how-tos). I've opened up to those women about the porn and infidelity that brought me here. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned the TMB website too. If one of them found me here, I would be a bit embarrassed, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. I've also recommended it to my newlywed sister, with the warning that I am here, and it would be easy for her to recognize me. I don't think she's joined.

Overall, I've become more discreet since I started here. That seems to be pretty common for those who post regularly for years. I think when you start developing relationships with people here, you automatically filter the sexual stuff a bit more.
Deep intimacy always requires work, acceptance, and forgiveness. Lots of it. ~~ Linda Dillow

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Re: Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby ledgemoor » Thu Jul 24, 2014 10:43 am

AFAIK it is still ok to fudge some of the details about yourself to protect your anonymity, so long as you don't substantially misrepresent yourself.

Likewise with details about a particular situation. Of course if you alter them too much the advice you receive will be irrelevant.
Everything you ever wanted in life is just outside your comfort zone (Jamie Lee Curtis)

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Re: Discuss issues on TMB vs IRL

Postby landschooner » Thu Jul 24, 2014 2:02 pm

If I think something might be too specific, I'll try to leave certain facts kind of ambiguous. Like I might say "a relative of mine" when I actually mean my brother, or "an event occurred in which...blah blah" when I could have said "At my Moms birthday party...blah blah"

In many accounts, there are certain facts that aren't really that germane to the story that are interesting and that add color to the story, but if left IN, might pinpoint who/what/where etc.

Like, "My pastor, who happens to be BLIND and is originally from ROMANIA but now heads our church in SPOKANE, related an anecdote about his father's boyhood days....."

"My pastor related an anecdote about his father's boyhood days....."

The story may not be as rich, but it helps to preserve anonymity while keeping to the truth.

LS


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