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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2018 10:40 am
by Dale
For many years, the TMB forums have been a ministry designed to give a safe place for married Christians to explore questions of Godly sexuality and intimacy. Unfortunately, in the last couple of years, that sense of safety seems to have disappeared in many ways. Perhaps it is simply a reflection of how the larger society has changed, especially in light of things like the rise of cyberbullying and the general breakdown in online communities and other social media of what used to be seen as common courtesy. When you couple that attitude with the tendency of many Christians to approach sexual matters in a more legalistic way than they would other subjects, you have the makings of a rather volatile environment.

One of the cardinal rules that people who participate in the TMB forums are expected to follow is this:

Those who post and read our boards come from all over the world, span several generations, and have vastly different life experiences. So, while we want to bring Biblical truth to subjects discussed, we recognize that that needs to be done with grace, kindness, patience, and tact. These boards discuss EXTREMELY personal issues, and some people are not comfortable with pointed questions or with overly blunt confrontations. Please remember that you cannot see the person on the other side of the screen, and that this form of communication is inherently limiting in terms of body language, tone, and emotion (proper use of emoticons is encouraged as a way to help communicate intentions properly).

Concerns have been raised for a long time about posters who seem to not understand or follow this rule, to the detriment of the culture of the community here. Our Moderation Team (composed of the Moderators, Account Moderators, Oversight Group and myself as Board Czar) do a great job of helping to keep the boards running smoothly and efficiently, but we are seeing a very real rise in what may best be termed as "Christian cyberbullying" on the forums. This seems to be especially true in regards to issues or practices which are outside of the "mainstream" of sexual practice and yet are not spoken of directly in the Scriptures. It's been observed that several times when a particular practice is asked for input on, then rather than grace and understanding being shown, the person is shouted down, in some fashion told that they are sinning, and made to feel unworthy of the grace of God.

This "Christian cyberbullying" and other responses like it must stop, and so the Moderation Team has decided to implement the following consequences for anyone judged to be engaging in this kind of behavior:

First Infraction: account deactivated 24-48 hours
Second Infraction: account deactivated for 7 calendar days
Third Infraction: account deactivated for one calendar month from date of infraction
Next Infraction: Permanent deactivation of account

If your account is deactivated, you will be notified of the reason by email by one of the Moderation Team, but be aware that such notification will happen AFTER deactivation, not before--so guard what you say and think twice before hitting Submit on a post! If you feel that the discipline was not warranted, you may PM me directly or contact me at, and I will respond to you as soon as possible (please be aware that all of our Moderation Team are volunteers and all have full-time jobs and families to care for, so your patience is appreciated as communication takes place).

Also, please remember that the PM function is NOT to be abused! We HIGHLY discourage anyone from using PMs as a means to contact someone of the opposite sex. If you have been contacted inappropriately, please immediately report the PM to one of the Moderators for action (You can use the Report PM button, or contact a Moderator directly. Moderator names show up as green on their posts. Oversight Group members' names appear as red.)

The bottom line is that to keep TMB a place of safety and love, where real problems in real marriages can find real solutions, and where real and honest questions can be asked without fear of disparagement takes every person following the rules that have been carefully laid out and exist for the good of all. If you are unsure what our rules for posting and membership are, you can follow the Board Rules link in the banner at the top of any page. Please also note that some of our sections have additional posting rules that apply there. It's been reported that the Tapatalk app does not necessarily display the full content of those rules, so please make sure you know them by reading through those on a device that does not use the app before posting.

Thank you for reading, and may God richly bless your marriages and marriage beds!

TMB Board Czar