Not Able to Have Sex

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
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Not Able to Have Sex

Postby avidwriter » Sat Apr 08, 2017 7:18 pm

I am posting for advice.

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have a 3-year old son and my wife is 30 weeks pregnant. Both my wife and I have had pornography addictions in the past and neither of us have had a lapse in a long time. The former pregnancy was okay, we still had an active sex life (for the most part) while she was pregnant.

But this one has been different. The baby sits lower and there's a lot of pressure for her down there. Plus she has zero libido right now. So vaginal sex is off the table right now (and for the next few months most likely). Neither my wife or I enjoy oral sex, so that wouldn't help. She also does not want to experiment with a lot of new positions, which I can understand. I've never been able to masturbate (even when using a lubricant) without feeling a lot of friction and eventually pain. So I've never enjoyed masturbation (and I've never been able to ejaculate while masturbating). But that's the only alternative I can think of right now to release some of my sexual tension. I've had to keep the computers away from myself so that I wouldn't lapse back into any bad habits.

I love my wife and I try not to bring the subject up too much to keep her from feeling bad for not being able to help more. But does anyone have any advice to help me relieve some of my sexual frustration?

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Re: Not Able to Have Sex

Postby Leah » Sat Apr 08, 2017 7:59 pm

Your wife can't help you with hand jobs? Honestly, it's one of the most empowering things I ever learned to do.

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Re: Not Able to Have Sex

Postby seeking perspective » Sat Apr 08, 2017 9:13 pm

It is a tough situation to be in. It is temporary, but I know it seems like forever.

Although your wife has no libido right now, is she likely to be aroused if you are enjoying yourself sexually in her presence? If so, and if she has been prescribed pelvic rest, then your only option may be solo masturbation. During my own high-risk pregnancy, arousal would trigger contractions and I would end up in the hospital. The only option was for my husband to take care of things himself.

If your wife will be okay if she is aroused or won't become aroused, then you will need to explore oral or manual stimulation. It may be that the circumstances and lack of intercourse may help you both learn to enjoy or tolerate things you haven't liked in the past. Try a combination of oral and manual, her hands and yours.

If you will need to rely on solo masturbation, consider asking your wife if you can take some sexy pictures of her--either nude or in lingerie. That would give you something to focus on visually and hopefully lessen the temptation of porn. Try using different substances, too. If lube doesn't work for you, try hair conditioner or coconut oil.
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Re: Not Able to Have Sex

Postby Paul B » Sun Apr 09, 2017 1:49 pm

One other option is a sleeve or "male stroker". I would suggest talking with your wife about it and agree it will either be used by her or you will use it when she is with you.

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Re: Not Able to Have Sex

Postby Pallando » Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:18 pm

Are you circumcised?

I know your problems are more than just mechanical, but when I was younger, I had some sensitivity issues that made masturbation difficult (I acknowledge that this was sinful for me at the time).

1. Rubbing the tip of my foreskin across bedsheets was my first successful method.

2. If you can't purchase a stroker, you can try to improvise one. A soft sock worked for me.

3. Conditioner in the shower was my first successful orgasm without some sort of improvised device.

4. Since being married, I discovered how much a light touch to the frenulum will send me through the roof. DW can hold my penis and just circle my frenulum with some lube and it brings a fast orgasm with little to no movement or friction.

Sorry to sound graphic. My sinful teenage persistence is actually pretty embarrassing to admit even on a private forum, but hopefully it's of some benefit to you in your MB.

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