How did you handle postpartum?

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
HubZ
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How did you handle postpartum?

Postby HubZ » Sat Mar 03, 2018 3:13 pm

Question for everyone - how did you handle the weeks of postpartum without IC? To the dads answering, did you feel guilty in even addressing it with your DW?

DW just gave birth to our second and it's been several weeks without any sexual activity; she really hasn't brought up the topic. (She's a recovering denier and is a very low drive spouse.). I've been hesitant to bring anything up or ask for a HJ because my goal is really to help her and not add to her stress or responsibility. (I get up with the baby, help with the housework, toddler, etc.) She really struggled with postpartum depression last time and I'm trying to keep things as low key and stress free as possible. Curious how it was for others.

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HisLadybug
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Re: How did you handle postpartum?

Postby HisLadybug » Sat Mar 03, 2018 4:46 pm

I gave him a HJ a few times a week until we could have IC again. And honestly, IC was a little too much to handle even after I was cleared for sex. We did quite a few HJs in those first months after the baby was born. However I did not have postpartum depression and I remember how my sex drive was basically zero. If she is having postpartum depression, is she being actively treated? Or does she not have it this time? Or maybe it's too early to tell.

Our transition from 1 to 2 children was really hard on our sex life. I didn't think I would ever want sex ever again in my entire life. Of course that wasn't true but that is how I felt at the time. And my body after my second baby was completely different and it took me a really long time to feel comfortable in my own skin. And I couldn't really nap during the day because I had a preschooler at home so that was challenging to. It's just a really challenging time no matter how you look at it.
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HubZ
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Re: How did you handle postpartum?

Postby HubZ » Sat Mar 03, 2018 6:39 pm

Thanks HisLadyBug for responding.

DW doesn't seem to be struggling with PP depression this time, but she's also on Zoloft now (which plays into our sex life.). My bigger concern is the burden of adding even more stress to our day to day life by asking something more of her instead of simply focusing on helping her. l get through.

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Re: How did you handle postpartum?

Postby love2 » Sat Mar 03, 2018 6:43 pm

Id talk to her about it when you are both clothed as a sort of sit down and ask her when she feels she would be able to resume sexual activity.

I wouldn't feel guilty about asking her especially if you are only wanting a HJ being that PIV is off the table.

Also, I don't think a request like this would contribute to her stress or likelihood of developing post partum assuming that you are kind when you make the request and understanding. Perhaps you could propose a back rub for her and a HJ for you or whatever else she might like, foot rub etc. Maybe spooning for skin on skin during HJ?

Side note, in most cases clitoral stimulation is ok before 6 weeks post partum. Do not insert anything into the vagina or get anything near the vaginal opening. Also make sure hands or toys are very well cleaned if you provide any [clitoris] stimulation. Finally I wouldn't recommend trying for her O on the first attempt but rather trying for stimulation that is pain-free and pleasurable.

I tried to resume sexual activity (OS for husband) too soon post partum and he was a recovering refuser. It about killed me to have him refuse because I was in a very emotionally vulnerable place (about a day post partum). I was more interested in the novelty of doing something like that - something to remember years later and I was shot down, bah.

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Re: How did you handle postpartum?

Postby OldMarriedLady » Sat Mar 03, 2018 7:01 pm

See if she can get off of that Zoloft, which is a notorious libido killer. Wellbutrin is an effective antidpressant that normally does not have a negative effect on libido.
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Re: How did you handle postpartum?

Postby Leah » Sat Mar 03, 2018 7:06 pm

I had a very hard time. My sex drive was unabated during pregnancy and after. I had a long labor and a rough delivery, and it was hard to wait until I healed to have actual intercourse.
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Re: How did you handle postpartum?

Postby Twue_Wuv » Mon Mar 05, 2018 7:30 am

I just did my best to be patient and wait until she was ready. In your case, with the PPD and low drive, I would wait the full recovery time prescribed by the doctor and then gently bring it up with your wife when she is relaxed and in a good mood.


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