postpartum sex

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
Joeswifeykins1
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postpartum sex

Postby Joeswifeykins1 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:21 am

My husband and I are now two Months postpartum. I really didn't have any sex drive for my whole pregnancy. I've expressed to my husband that that's one part of our marriage I really missed and looked forward to being "back to normal". Now I am feeling back to normal and I would really like to start having sex on a regular basis again. I feel like my husband is holding out on me. I know he's often tired from working and the baby schedule but I really feel like I need sex! This has becoming very frustrating to me. We'll "play" and I'll think that he's initiating foreplay but then he just says no and wants to sleep or whatever. Then I feel bad for having expectations. I don't want to be selfish and demanding. I also know my husband doesn't like to use a condom. We're Waiting for a full month until my pills are really effective. I don't see why the condom thing is a big deal for him. Bottom line: I'm not understanding my husband. Why can't We go back to the way we were before and enjoy your our sex life again????? I didn't know this much would change when we had a baby.

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Dgenerous
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Re: postpartum sex

Postby Dgenerous » Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:33 am

I assume your frequency was down during your pregnancy. Was he masturbating regularly during that time? Have the two of you discussed how he felt about the pregnancy drought?
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Joeswifeykins1
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Re: postpartum sex

Postby Joeswifeykins1 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 1:48 pm

@Dgenerous: Yes, your assumption is correct. My sex drive was pretty much null the entire time. And yes, I believe he was/is. My husband is always very gracious and during our "drought" told me repeatedly he understood and didnt want me to feel bad, etc.

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SeekingChange
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Re: postpartum sex

Postby SeekingChange » Mon Dec 02, 2013 2:14 pm

I'm wondering if he's having a hard time separating "mom" from "wife/lover"... that's usually a struggle for many women, but I'm sure there are some husbands who struggle with it too.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, find comfort, survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years...then she did something new.

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Dgenerous
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Re: postpartum sex

Postby Dgenerous » Mon Dec 02, 2013 2:32 pm

Have you ever just asked him what's going on?

Something like, "Hey, it seems like you're a lot less interested in sex than you used to be. Are you feeling okay? Are you and I okay? Is there anything we need to address?" I would strongly suggest also asking if he's still masturbating, and stating clearly that you would like to take care of his sexual needs.
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

Joeswifeykins1
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Re: postpartum sex

Postby Joeswifeykins1 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 2:52 pm

@Dgenerous: Ok. I'll try being more direct. I'm really getting depressed about this, actually. Pardon my ignorance, but don't all guys masturbate??? I guess I just resigned myself to being in a different "compartment". And I always offer to take care of his needs. I want to; he knows that. He just always says he's fine.

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txtwindad
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Re: postpartum sex

Postby txtwindad » Mon Dec 02, 2013 2:58 pm

I just resigned myself to being in a different "compartment".


It's not in a different compartment if he's not meeting your needs. Its coming out of your "compartment". Talk to him. If he won't tell you what he's feeling about it, at least you can tell him you need him to step up the plate and take care of business.
 "Baby, Baby go and fetch some water,
Pour it on me so's I don't melt.
Can't you see you've got me burnin' hotter
Than a black vinyl car seat in ..." Two Tons of Steel

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Dgenerous
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Re: postpartum sex

Postby Dgenerous » Mon Dec 02, 2013 4:01 pm

Sweetie, I think you should throw what "every man" does right out the window. Focus on your man and building a life based on what's important to you both. TTD is right, and this is something the two of you need to feel comfortable talking about. You can do it. :)
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

Joeswifeykins1
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Re: postpartum sex (resolution)

Postby Joeswifeykins1 » Sat Dec 07, 2013 1:10 pm

For anyone curious who has been following this thread, the issue has been resolved. :D ::tnx
thank you to those who gave advice.

justmarried

Re: postpartum sex

Postby justmarried » Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:45 am

Congrats


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