If one more person says...

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
User avatar
TilWeHaveFaces
Under the stars
Posts: 2860
Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 2:26 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 8th, 1999
Gender: Male
Location: St. Anne's-on-the-hill, standing outside the garden gate.

Re: If one more person says...

Postby TilWeHaveFaces » Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:56 am

Leah wrote:Could you barter for knitting, personal training, or nutrition counseling? There might be a young athlete in a high school near you who is looking for an extra edge.


That's a fantastic idea. And it doesn't even need to be a teenager, necessarily, nor do you have to pay a bundle. Our 11-year-old has been dying to be a mother's helper (a few of her slightly older friends already do that) and she'd be great at it when the time comes. Put away dishes, play with toddler, wipe down the table, etc.? She'd love that. (And she already serves in an unpaid capacity, um, in our home.)

User avatar
Dgenerous
Under the stars
Posts: 3270
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:27 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 19th, 2005
Gender: Female

Re: If one more person says...

Postby Dgenerous » Wed Feb 05, 2014 10:08 am

I will ask around. Thanks, guys.
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

User avatar
Dgenerous
Under the stars
Posts: 3270
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:27 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 19th, 2005
Gender: Female

Re: If one more person says...

Postby Dgenerous » Wed Feb 05, 2014 11:35 am

I talked to DH last night. He reminded me that I'm sick. Oh, yeah... That could be a contributing factor. I've basically been sick since Christmas. There was a short break at some point.

Additionally, sometimes my husband just blows me away with his wisdom. I know I've joked about his "biblical counselor mode" in an unflattering way. But the truth is it really is an area of gifting in his life. He asks great questions.

We talked about my goals and priorities a lot. This might sound really silly, but I will share it anyway in case it serves someone.

IF my goal is to have a good balance between enjoying my time with my kid(s) and working hard... IF my goal is to demonstrate for them a good example of working hard to glorify God and serve loved ones... THEN the result doesn't actually define my success. In other words, just because I haven't arrived and just because my house isn't spotless doesn't make me a failure. A clean house is not the goal. Being a good steward of my home, my family, and my time is the goal. Sometimes that doesn't amount to a hill of beans in terms of what I can point to to say "I did this today."

I sat down today while my daughter played and watched the Biggest Loser finale (which was horrifying, btw) and then she went down for a nap and I actually got more done in that 1.5-2hrs than I did all day yesterday with all my self loathing and negative thinking. I gave myself a break and actually got MORE done.

I don't know. It's just blowing my mind right now.
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

User avatar
TilWeHaveFaces
Under the stars
Posts: 2860
Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 2:26 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 8th, 1999
Gender: Male
Location: St. Anne's-on-the-hill, standing outside the garden gate.

Re: If one more person says...

Postby TilWeHaveFaces » Wed Feb 05, 2014 12:22 pm

Dgenerous wrote:I sat down today while my daughter played and watched the Biggest Loser finale (which was horrifying, btw) and then she went down for a nap and I actually got more done in that 1.5-2hrs than I did all day yesterday with all my self loathing and negative thinking. I gave myself a break and actually got MORE done.

I don't know. It's just blowing my mind right now.


::clap ::clap ::clap

I love it when that happens. :mrgreen:

User avatar
lee'swife
Blanket on a secluded beach!
Posts: 1755
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2009 12:10 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 9th, 2001
Gender: Female

Re: If one more person says...

Postby lee'swife » Wed Feb 05, 2014 1:05 pm

great big (((hug)))

Sometimes I get a good stride and I think "why can't I do this everyday" or I hit a patch of really worthless days and wonder "why isn't anything clicking today?!? I know that I've done stuff, I just can't tell" Also being sick while pregnant is horrible, just plain, flat out horrible.
When did we start thinking that God only wanted us to go to safe places and do easy things?

User avatar
Dgenerous
Under the stars
Posts: 3270
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:27 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 19th, 2005
Gender: Female

Re: If one more person says...

Postby Dgenerous » Mon Feb 24, 2014 1:27 pm

Guys... For those of you who have prayed, thank you so much. I seem to have leveled off emotionally here in my third trimester. I am feeling really terrible physically, but I told my husband I would rather feel like my body is falling apart than like *I* am falling apart.

DH has been amazing the past week or so. It's amazing how positives bring about positives in a marriage. I can see how much more natural it is for him to be kind and extend care to me when I'm not being a crazy person.

A woman from church gave me some really good advice about maintaining my chores and things right now. I've lowered my expectations quite a bit, and I've been asking DH to help more. There were a couple times recently when he had to take on my role for a few hours, and both times he expressed appreciation for what I do day to day.

Also, we celebrated our anniversary this month. It was low key, but he got me a very thoughtful gift. We're hoping for a little "babymoon" next month--the first time we have ever left our daughter over night. She's a really independent kid, so I think she will be fine.

Thanks again for the support. :)
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

User avatar
seeking perspective
Under the stars
Posts: 5723
Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:01 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): April 27th, 1991
Gender: Female
Location: between the Northwoods and the Great Plains and the Great Lakes
Contact:

Re: If one more person says...

Postby seeking perspective » Mon Feb 24, 2014 1:36 pm

I'm so glad. Everything is better when you aren't falling apart.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
The Forgiven Wife
and Sex Chat for Christian Wives

User avatar
lee'swife
Blanket on a secluded beach!
Posts: 1755
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2009 12:10 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): June 9th, 2001
Gender: Female

Re: If one more person says...

Postby lee'swife » Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:02 pm

I'm really glad to hear this update


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
When did we start thinking that God only wanted us to go to safe places and do easy things?

User avatar
TilWeHaveFaces
Under the stars
Posts: 2860
Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 2:26 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): May 8th, 1999
Gender: Male
Location: St. Anne's-on-the-hill, standing outside the garden gate.

Re: If one more person says...

Postby TilWeHaveFaces » Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:14 pm

Dgenerous wrote:Guys... For those of you who have prayed, thank you so much. I seem to have leveled off emotionally here in my third trimester. I am feeling really terrible physically, but I told my husband I would rather feel like my body is falling apart than like *I* am falling apart.

DH has been amazing the past week or so. It's amazing how positives bring about positives in a marriage. I can see how much more natural it is for him to be kind and extend care to me when I'm not being a crazy person.

A woman from church gave me some really good advice about maintaining my chores and things right now. I've lowered my expectations quite a bit, and I've been asking DH to help more. There were a couple times recently when he had to take on my role for a few hours, and both times he expressed appreciation for what I do day to day.

Also, we celebrated our anniversary this month. It was low key, but he got me a very thoughtful gift. We're hoping for a little "babymoon" next month--the first time we have ever left our daughter over night. She's a really independent kid, so I think she will be fine.

Thanks again for the support. :)


::clap

jpontow
Queen bed
Posts: 232
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 7:21 pm
Date of your marriage (past or future): November 30th, 2008
Gender: Male

Re: If one more person says...

Postby jpontow » Mon Feb 24, 2014 9:18 pm

I'm late here but I read a blog once by a woman with 5 kids. She was compairing the amount of effort she gives currently with when she only had 1 child. What it all boiled down to is no matter how many children you have you give 100%. So with that logic you work just as hard with one as 5. But don't tell that to my mom. Mother of 6.

User avatar
Dgenerous
Under the stars
Posts: 3270
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:27 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 19th, 2005
Gender: Female

Re: If one more person says...

Postby Dgenerous » Tue Feb 25, 2014 10:46 am

I think that's true about giving 100%.

Another thing I get tired of hearing is how lucky I am that my daughter is so "easy". She's sweet tempered and a good sleeper. But she's a tornado of constant activity when she's awake. Do I have it pretty good? Sure. But it's still not easy, you know?
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

User avatar
Dgenerous
Under the stars
Posts: 3270
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:27 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): February 19th, 2005
Gender: Female

Re: If one more person says...

Postby Dgenerous » Tue Feb 25, 2014 10:47 am

And I actually catch myself saying it sometimes now. It's like I jump to minimize what I do because I expect it from others.
I have found the one whom my soul loves.

sweethomeboy
King bed
Posts: 511
Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2004 7:35 am
Date of your marriage (past or future): September 12th, 1981
Gender: Male

Re: If one more person says...

Postby sweethomeboy » Tue Feb 25, 2014 11:04 am

I don't know how much you talk to the in-laws, or how much your husband does. Maybe you or he could say to his mother, "I'm glad you're coming when the second baby is born, would you mind just handling the laundry while you're here? It would be such a big help." I think it would be better coming from him, actually, he could express it as a gift he wants to give you. If mom and sis handled it together it would be one thing off your plate.

It seems like I understood you to say you might have declined assistance before, so they may feel they are hurting your feelings if they ask to help, but they might appreciate being asked to help. What are the things they do well, maybe it's not laundry.

My prayer for you is that God eases this time for you, and helps you share the burden with all who love you.


Return to “Pregnancy and Postpartum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users